I'm about to walk back into the life I once had. I can't help but feel really emotional.
This is a mess that I didn't even bother cleaning for a while.
This car ride has been silent with slight music playing. The silence wasn't awkward, it's quite nice to be alone with my thought even though someone is right beside me. And that someone is my everything.
For a while I thought I was over Michael and that I was completely in love with Calum, but I wasn't. And now I feel bad because I used Calum has a bandaid on my heart and not a permanent cast to hold it together.
I had him fooled in a perfect lie, I messed with his feelings and his life. To me, this would of been the worst for him.
I take a deep breath as Michael pulls up at my house.
He gets out and walks around to open my door.
"Thank you" I try and smile and hide all my emotions.
He grabs my bag and walks me inside.
I open the door to see everyone sitting on the couch.
January, Luke, Calum, Connor and his girlfriend and even Ashton are all looking at me, grinning.
"Welcome back" Connor gets up and hugs me.
Every emotion that you can think off is what is going on through me right now.
"Guys, I'm sorry" I choke on my words that now are turned to tears.
I look at Calum who was trying so hard not to look at me.
Here I am, a sobbing mess. Standing in front of every person who cares about me.
"It doesn't have to be this endless lost tragedy anymore" Jan get up and smiles. "I've missed you" she hugs me.
"We all have" Calum licks his lips.
I shut my eyes to let the tears drop from my eyes.
"I don't want to be here right now" I scream. "You all came here expecting me to be okay. And I'm not. I've lost all happiness, all the joy I ever had. I'm sorry but the girl who I used to be went out the fucking the window. I can't be repaired. So please don't tell me everything will be okay, I need to just want to want to be here with everyone. Because right now, I really don't. I thought that I would smile and that I'd be okay and I would say sorry and I would go back tot hey way it used to be. But my mind is letting me be happy so can you all please leave"
They all look at me shocked. One by one they left.
"Cal can you stay, we need to talk" I stop him from walking past me.
He just turns around and sits back on the couch and I follow.
"I'm sorry" I take a deep breath.
"I know, and it's okay" he smiles. "I'm just glad you're back and safe"
"No it's not okay, I left you"
"Look, I know it just wasn't meant to be, it was fun while it lasted though. So please stop feeling sorry for me because I've met someone new" he now looks into my eyes.
"Yeah, Michael told me. I thought he was lying. Tell me about her?"
"She's got brown hair and her name is Diana. But I call her Dia"
"That's cute"
"You are repairable you know"
"How?"
"By being held between Michaels arms, where you were always meant to be. I know it's hard right now, but trust me. He can fix you, fully."
Maybe Cal is right.
Maybe with Michael is where I'm meant to be for the rest of my life.
The feelings are there but is the trust?
