I'm still unsure about my life. I don't know who I want to be nor do I know who I am. So who am I?
Am I the girl who lost her parents? Am I the girl who dropped out of school? Am I the girl who is troubled? Am i that girl who's a slut? Am I the girl who ran away?
Truth is, I am. I'm that girl who's parents died, that girl who dropped out, that girl who is troubled, that girl who is a slut and I'm most definitely that girl who ran away.
But does it matter what kind of girl I am if I know what type of girl I want to be? But then again I don't know.
"Jess, can I take you out?" Michael breaks my thoughts.
"What do you mean? Like on a date?" I smile at him.
He has been trying really hard on making us work, which had made me feel so much better.
"Yes Jess, I'm asking you on a date" he laughs.
"Okay, I'll go get ready" I start to walk up stairs to my bedroom. "Wait, how do I dress?"
"Casual" he smiles.
I change into high waisted black skinny jeans and a white crop top. I brush my hair and put it in a high pony.
I spray some sweet scented perfume on and walk back out to the lounge room where Michael and Connor were in a deep conversation.
"It will be alright mate, I'm sure she will understand" Michael pats Connor on the shoulder.
"What will I understand" I question.
"Nothing, talk about it another time" Connor gets up and leaves.
I give Michael a "tell me" look but her just shrugs.
"You look beautiful babe" he get up and hugs me. "You smell pretty too" he kisses me on the cheek.
"So where are we going?" We hold hands while walking out to his car.
"I was think the drive in? Your favourite movie is playing" he gives me the biggest smile.
"Sounds like a good night" we drive off.
When we get there Michael gets some popcorn and drinks and we drive to the top of the hill and park.
"We get the best view up here" he takes his seat belt off and puts his arm around me.
"Yes we do" I laugh.
"Look Jess, tonight probably means more to me than it does to you. I'm sick of wasting time not being with you. Being away from you made me realise how special time is and why it is so important to live like every minute is your last. I don't want to waste tonight, and that's why I want to tell you how much I love and need you Jess. I'm so fucking in love with you"
"Michael, I love you too" I smile. "How did you know I love 21 Jump Street?"
"I remember you telling me babe" he plants a soft kiss on my cheek.
I have forgiven Michael completely. And I understand how much I mean to him which lets me vent on my life.
I can't rely on my brother and Michael for the rest of my life though. I need to find something that makes me happy and never let it go.
I remember my mum telling me that I could be anyone I wanted to be if I put my mind to it.
And I know what that is now.
I want to make other people happy. I want to fix them, make sure other people don't go through what I went through. Or if they are, I want to make it better let them know that in the end it's going to be okay.
It is for me and it's not even the end yet.
