"Have you heard from Michael?" I ask Luke
"Nope" he shakes his head.
We are all at Jans house. Calum and I did decide to just be friends. But I can't help to do the things we used to as a couple.
Like the other day we were walking along the beach with Luke and Jan and I grabbed his hand.
That was awkward.
"I feel bad, I've taken his friends again" I sit next to Luke. "Do you think he will come back?"
"I think he just needs time. I'm sure he feels bad for what he is done. I've known home my whole life and I know that when he has done something bad. He does know it." Luke smiles.
"I hate how he has made me feel"
"And how has he made you feel?"
"Worthless. Empty. Not good enough. Dirty. I don't think anyone understands"
"I do"
"How?" I look at him.
"Jan is the one who slept with him"
"Fuck off Luke. This is no time for jokes" Jan walks in.
"Oh thank god you were joking because I would of went psycho" I slap him. "I'm being serious Luke"
"I know, sorry" he licks his lips.
"You should be" Jan gives him a dirty look.
"The pop corns ready" Cal comes in yelling.
We all sat quietly, eating and watching the movie.
The movie was "Are we officially dating?" Like who chose this? Because I hate them right now.
They way Zac Efforon fall in love and it's like bliss.
"Are you all trying to kill me?" I take a loud breath and walk into the bathroom.
I don't know why I was getting angry. I still all these emotions running through my veins.
I sit on the floor and cry.
I miss Michael. Even though he has shattered my heart more than once. I hate him but yet I want to be in his arms once again.
I hate that he was made me into someone I hoped I'd never be. I never wanted to let someone control me.
Right now I feel like I'm an Xbox and Michael is the controller.
He has destroyed me. How did I let this happen?
I don't even regret it. I'm becoming addicted to the pain and hurt. It lets me know that it can't get any worse.
Times like this wish I had a mum to talk to. Someone who has been through this situation.
I remember Mum telling me about one of her boyfriends before Dad and how he cheated on her with one of her closest friends. She told me that once a cheater always a cheater.
And I should of listened to her. I should of said goodbye to Michael a while ago. And if I did I wouldn't be sitting on the ground of a bathroom in my friends house.
Someone knocks on the door.
Great just what I wanted.
"Jess?" Jan walks in.
I was expecting Calum to be honest.
"I don't want to talk about anything" I cry in my lap.
"I understand you know" she sits beside me.
"You do?"
"Yeah, let me tell you a story" she smiles.
I nod.
"So back in grade 9, I had a boyfriend. I thought he was the one i would grow old with. We did everything together. One night we went to a party, and we've been dating for 6 months. We both had a few drinks and I went to go talk to my best friend. And when I went back to him he was gone. I looked all down stairs and I couldn't find him. I walked up stairs and I see a blonde headed boy searching as well. I asked him who he was looking for and he said his girlfriend. We both heard noises coming from the door at the end. We opened up to see both my boyfriend and his girlfriend going at it. I was crushed, I felt broken. But somehow this blonde boy was hurt more. We both froze and stood there. And when they finally noticed. My boyfriend said "it's not what it looks like" I screamed "are you fucking kidding me" and The blonde boy went over and punched him in the face and I applauded him. A few months later a saw this blonde boy again, it was Luke."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying where there is something bad there is something good"
"I bet your boyfriend at the time was jealous about you being with Luke" I laugh through my tears.
"Yeah, he is sobbing in jail" she laughs back.
"Really?"
"Yeah, drugs" she drugs.
She's has helped me.
"But what's my good?" I stand up.
"That's for you to find out" she smiles as I help her up.
"Thank you Jan" I hug her.
I hoping for a good as my bad because I won't be able to get back up if there isn't.
