It's been 2 weeks since I've spoken to anyone. I'm not like Michael, I couldn't run away to a beach house for free. I've been working at the hotel I'm staying out, the owner seemed to have felt sorry for me.
Everyone had been calling me non-stop especially Michael, he calls at least 5 times a hour.
Why can't everyone just let me be? I just want to be alone.
I think to myself if I don't cry, I won't feel the pain, but what a load of bullshit that is. I'm feeling more pain everyday.
The pain of yesterday, gets doubled today and by the time tomorrow comes, a piece of me is lost. Lost in the world of my own thought and mistakes. And I can't blame anyone but myself.
I shouldn't of skipped school that first day I met Michael. I shouldn't of let my self fall so hard, because when you fall in love, it gives you something to loose. And it sucks balls to loose something.
I used to be strong, independent then I lost my parents and I thought I was strong enough to handle myself again, but I wasn't. I buried the broken pieces deep down instead of putting them back together.
I knew that someday those broken pieces would be dug up, I just didn't think it would be like this.
I don't want this life, I wanted a life full of happiness, which now is all I dream about.
I took another sip of my drink, the alcohol seems to numb the pain. I forget about the little things. The big things and my feelings. It feels good to be numb for awhile.
A bottle of rum later. My phone buzzes. And it's Jan calling.
What the hell, why not answer it and tell her to piss off.
"What!" I shout.
"OMG you're okay" she screams
"Far from it" I laugh
"Where are you?"
"Like fuck I'm going to tell you. Leave me alone"
"Are you drunk?"
"Always" I hang up.
Just enough time to keep her wondering.
I don't care anymore. I've given up on everything and everyone.
I know it's not healthy, but I don't need anyone, because I will just ended up hurting them. And no one deserves to be like me.
