I've tried to forget about Michael a and what we have. I've tried to wash the memories out with vodka but that doesn't seem to work. I've stopped going to school. I didn't want to see him. I can't handle seeing him.
Jan, Luke and even Calum have came by to check up on me. But I just ignored them.
It hurts more knowing that he's probably out there, happy without me getting every girl he wants.
I feel lost, like I don't even have a road to go down. How did I let myself get like this again?
He was the beat in my heart and now I've got no beat, no song to play. It makes my feel worse that I do still really love him. How can someone hurt you so much but you still have every bit of love you ever had for them?
"You should really do something today" Connor says through my bedroom door. "You've got to leave this emptiness behind and fill it up Jess, please just come out"
He sounds really worried for me. So I do, I get up and open the door.
He hugs me straight away.
"I don't like seeing you like this" he shakes his head "you're to young to be broken"
He walks me down to the kitchen. Oh boy. There they were, Jan, Luke and Calum all standing there.
"Hi" Jan says.
I give Connor the biggest death stare.
"What do you want!" I yell at them all.
"Look we're here to help you!" Jan speaks up.
"I don't need help!" I scream.
"Yes you do!" They all say in sync.
"I don't want to hear anything what any of you have to say! You're Michaels friends not mine! So piss off" I don't get why I'm being so mad at everyone.
"We haven't seen Michael since the night you broke up with him" Luke bites his lip.
"What?" I step closer towards them.
"Yeah he ran away" Cal gives me a look of sorrow.
He ran away?
"Where too?" I ask
"Only Ashton knows" Luke looks down.
They all look just as broken as me. I forget how this affects the boys. Their all Michaels best friends.
"Did you know?" I ask the question I've dreaded these past few weeks.
"No" they shake their heads.
"Then how do you know?" I finally look them in their eyes.
"He came to my house saying that you broke up with him because he slept with someone else and that girl thinks she pregnant. And then he took my dads rum and left" Cal goes to give me a hug.
I don't know why but I return the hug.
"I'm so sorry Jess. If I didn't drink to much I wouldn't of never kissed you and Michael wouldn't of never cheated on you" he whispers in my ear.
"We're here for you Jess. Michael pushed us away" Jan joins the hug.
"I don't get it" I say
"Don't get what?" Jan looks at me
"Everything" I start to cry again.
"Well let me-us help you" Cal smiles.
"You've got to let us try" Luke smiles at me.
I nod.
They're right. I do need help. And I'm willing to be given it. I don't like being like this so I've got to change.
I may be lost now, but their willing to find me.
