Road to Evergreen | #Wattys2016

e i g h t

I wake up groaning asking for more sleep. I couldn't sleep last night so instead I filled my time by finishing my paper due for today. It took me four hours, but I'm finally done.

I get out of bed, shower, and head to the kitchen. My mother is seated on the counter, and Harry is on her left. It's odd that she's awake this early. It's odd that she's even here.

I take a seat and pour my Kellog's into a bowl. As I glance up, my mom flashes a smile at me.I eye her curiously as I scan her face. She looks better than the usual.  As I glance left, Harry is too busy with his cereal. I giggle, amused. That kid knows how to eat.

"Are you ready for school?" I ask Harry.

"Mmm yes.." He chocks out.

"Slow down Harry! You seem like you haven't eaten in days. Is there anyone around here feeding you?" She says, as an attempt to make a joke. But no one is laughing.

"As a matter of fact, I am. But if you were around here often, you would have known that," I raise my voice.

I dare to meet her wounded eyes as tears form, "Lesley, I-"

I cut her out, "just save it."

I grab my bowl and head to my room. My body relaxes as I take a seat on my bed and stare out of the window. The brick red is turning red; it's fading. Everything fades over time. I don't feel like arguing this morning. I'm too exhausted to think and I wish I could skip classes today, but I have a scholarship to keep.

"Lesley?" My mother calls out as she stands behind me.

I let out a huff as I turn around, "yes?"

And she bursts into tears. She hugs me and kisses me, apologizing and apologizing again and again. I hug her back, and tell her it's okay, we will seek help, everything is going to be okay.

"God, I'm so sorry Lesley. I didn't mean to be a shitty mother to you and Harry," and she cries again.

"Mom, it's okay," I say trying to calm her down.

"No, it's not! It never was," she continues.

"After your father left me alone, to deal with all of this, by myself, I just couldn't handle it."

"I understa--,

"No, don't interrupt me. Just hear me out okay?"

I nod as she keeps going, "I should've been a better mother. You shouldn't have to be working so late and taking care of your brother as well." She pauses, "I'm going to go to a an AA meeting today, and I will fix this. Just give me more time and be patient with me. I'm your mother for God's sake. I shouldn't be standing here and asking my daughter for approval," she rubs her forehead with frustration, "I will fix this."

"I promise."

Two words and I crack. I hug her back because this time, for some reason, I believe her. And for the first time in years, I can finally breathe.