Road to Evergreen | #Wattys2016

t w e n t y - f o u r

For the next weeks, the days went by fast but the nights came slow. I dodged Adam's calls and texts and spent my days focusing on my studies and work. I tried playing it smart, going to the cafeteria when I know he's not there or avoiding to pass that corridor, but only because it reminds me of the day we met. Everything reminds me of him.

The food at the cafeteria evokes me that I haven't eaten for a while. My stomach grumbles and my mouth waters to the sight of spaghetti. I hold a tray and wait in line determined to get food down my throat. After that, I'm seated at a table back in the corner, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. I'm scared if they will look at me, like really look at me, they will see what a mess I am. I don't want their sympathy or their pitty for this poor girl who couldn't choose the road of her life. I struggle to keep my head down but end up looking up. On the right corner, a purple haired girl is basically shoving her tongue down a guys throat; I vomit a little in my mouth to the sight of that. To the left, two girls are giggling as an attractive guy passes by them. He looks amused that his looks can make girls run after him. But I despise such people, using their looks to get with everything; it's practically cheating. And right in front of me, Megan is marching her way toward me, frowning. I sigh and prepare myself for what's coming.

She sits and stares. I stare back. "What?" I ask, with my mouth full of food.

"You know that it's depressing to look at you this way," she states.

"Well then don't look at me," I bark.

She let's out a breath, "why are you acting this way?"

I don't reply. I know she wants what's best for me, but even her wont understand.

"Is this about Adam? Did he do anything to hurt you?" She asks hesistantly.

"No," I clear my throat, "I hurt him." I immediately look down as tears try to escape my eyes. I miss him so much.

Megan stays quite for a minute, debating if she should push me or not. Eventually, she decides to push me. "Are you even going to tell me?"

"I already told you Megan, that I can't talk about it. Try to understand that this isn't something I share. With anyone," I explain.

"Well stop being grumby and depressed and move on!" She exclaims.

"I tried," my voice escapes as a whisper.

"Well figure it out, because I can't just sit and do nothing about it," she waves her hands and puts them down in defeat.

"I'm not like you Megan, I can't play with a guy to get over another," I argue.

"Well, thank God that I'm not like you! Atleast, I don't blame life and sit around, dwelling on every bad thing that happens. Be happy that you have a parent, even if she's not in full repair, and a brother! You have Adam, for God's sake. A guy who would do anything for you. A guy that loves you. Bless what you have and stop acting like a child. " I'm speechless. Never have I ever seen Megan this way. She's crying right infront of me and guilt wavers over. I can't believe I have been so selfish and blind. She lost her family in a horrific car accident two years ago. And sometimes I forget about it because of how well she is composed. I dare to meet her eyes.

"Stop blaming everyone for your problems, and start blaming yourself. You're the one who put herself in this place," she yells. Ouch. She storms out of the cafeteria and I'm left seated, ashamed of moving. I'm ashamed if I move, my secrets will spill. I'm ashamed if I move, my heart will break. I'm ashamed if I move, the world will open up and consumes me. So I stay, staring at the empty chair that Megan was seated on until Jeremy occupies it. God, this isn't the time.

"Hey beautiful," he smiles.

"Hi," I say, annoyed at his presence.

"Oh why so grumpy?" He frowns in a sarcastic way. I can't handle the smirk plastered on his face. Only him and I know what we aren't supposed to know and he's using it as his weapon against me. I grab my tray and search for another seat. But he follows.

"Hey, wait up!" He runs and stands in front of me.

"What do you want?" I ask, rage pumping my blood.

"Nothing, sweetheart. I was making sure you're alright. I just hope my words didn't get in the way of you and Adam," he stops and scans me from head to toe then continues, "But it obviously did." He let's out a laugh. He's obviously amused with my anger and how he could get under my skin in any second. But I'm not going to make him feel flattered about it. He can't win. I stand a bit taller as my scold turns into a smile. I walk by him but only to stop to turn around and say: "I'm not your sweetheart, James. Go fetch another secret to make you feel more than you are less." I watch as his smile turns into a frown and his hazel eyes shine with defeat.

"Have a nice day." I fake a smile and turn, heading to the door. The cold hits me and I sprint to my car. I turn it on and make my way out of the parking lot but only to stop a few times as college students pass by. I couldn't help but stare to how relaxed their shoulders are, no worries and no stress. I intend to make that happen to my shoulders aswell. But first things first, I need a plan to fix this.

To fix myself.