Road to Evergreen | #Wattys2016

t h i r t y - o n e

My vision and mind are blurry. I have no idea how I safely made it home. The last thing I remember was Adam's voice. I miss you, he told me. I feel my pulse ramp up with anger. I want to blame the world, so I don't blame myself. So, I don't go over my stupid actions and the times I grieved something I couldn't fix.

I turn the ignition off, and whip my head left and right, taking in my surrounding. I see complete darkness with an exception of few street lamps that shed light on two benches.

I squint my eyes, trying to focus them on locating a specific someone. But there's no sign of Adam or his car. I sigh with relief, glad he isn't there so I don't have to withstand another meltdown. However, a part of my heart was hoping he will be there when I arrived. To take me in his arms, making all my worries wash away.

But, no. He isn't here.

A chuckle escapes my mouth. It's ironic actually how the time that I didn't want him to listen to me, he actually did. Life's cards and it's gambling!

I shake my head as I laugh, without stopping.

I turned crazy.

I laugh even harder. But then these laughs turns into a sob, and these sobs turn into tears.

After a couple of minutes, I calm myself down by breathing slowly. I try imitating the meditation tape I tried a week before. But my breathing alters randomly and I struggle to keep it smooth. Eventually, I give up and head out.

I enter the building and take two stairs at a time, eager to reach my bed. I enter the apartment, and thankfully neither mom or Harry are there. If they were, they would be dead by now.

I don't bother turning on the light as I jump on my bed, ready to fall asleep. Underneath me, I hear the sound of squishing paper. Confused, I get up and turn on the light.

On my bed, lies a small blue box, wrapped in a white ribbon, and a note beside it. I take slow steps toward it, my heart beating faster than ever. I reach the note, and read what's on it.

Happy one month anniversary baby

My heart quenches as I flip to the other side.

Open the box, and you will find memories we created.

I reach for the box, carefully unwrapping it. I open it, and gasp. In the box, a silver charm bracelet lays perfectly on a tiny black pillow. I remove it from the box as it shimmers, reflecting a beautiful spark. My eyes widen with disbelief.

It's beautiful.

I fumble with the note, anxious of what's next.

The Chinese box is for the takeouts we never shared, the night your car broke down.

I touch the tiny charm, smiling at that day. He was my savior since the first day. Protecting me from my shield. But now he isn't around anymore, but he has a special place in my heart. Tears fill my eyes as I continue,

The slice of pizza is for our first date at the Italian restaurant. Indeed, it was the best date I ever had.

I hold it in my hand, as I notice small diamonds on the pizza like the pepperoni topping.

The microphone is for the first time you heard me sing. The first time you knew who I was.

I remember falling in love with him even more. He opened up to me that day, while I did the opposite. I pushed and pushed away until my hands crumbled beside me.

The bridge is for our unforgettable bungee jumping. Next to it, there's a charm of a hospital sign. You know what happened next.

How can I forget? I remember that the world was spinning and my heart never felt dizzier.

The book is for our creative writing class. I remember never seeing someone as intense as you were that day.

P.S: I took a look at your essay laying next to your bed. Lesley, it's the most beautiful thing I have ever read. I'm utterly speechless. It terrifies me of how such darkness can be consuming to the mind.

I don't want it to consume your mind.

I jerk my head to the small counter next to my bed, with my paper in place. He read it. He read my essay. If he read between the lines, I'm sure he would've known everything.

I'm annoyed that he did. No one ever read anything I wrote. I simply never allowed it. But now that he did, it scares me because he had a look on what goes through my mind. Who said I wanted to share it with him? Or with anyone for that matter.

I bury the idea in the back of my head, and turn to look at the charm bracelet in my hand. I hold the book noticing that it's quite thick, with Creative writing 203 carved on the back.

I haven't noticed I was crying until my tears smeared some of the ink on the note. I wipe them away and continue.

I got this charm the last because I thought that this was it. But then, I poured my heart out at the bar after you left me, and I was shocked to see you sitting in the audience. I struggle in erasing what happened next from my memories. But it keeps haunting me.

Your scream took the life out of me.

This part is written in a red ink, standing out from the rest. He must've added it a few hours ago.

I touch the shinny guitar. It stands out from the rest because it's in gold. On the back is written in tiny letters: evergreen.

That's the tittle of his song.

I sigh in defeat.

He is my evergreen.

I hold the bracelet so tight to my heart as I lay in bed. This means to me more than anything in this world. I never loved a gift more than this.

I'm speechless of how beautiful it is. How deeply he touched my heart. He must have given it alot of thought. And I didn't even bother staying with him. Frustrated, I continue the note.

This gift is meant to mark our first month together with you.

Under that, it's written with red ink again.

But then you left me. I will never know why you left and you don't think I deserve an explanation.

It's such an ugly way to break someones heart because I know that what we had was gold. But now, I'm sitting on your bed, shoving my nose to your pillow, smelling the last pieces of you and tugging them away in my heart.

I was conflicted on whether to give you this gift. But in the end, it was meant for you and not me. So, you decide what to do with it.

I will always love you, Lesley.

Adam