Road to Evergreen | #Wattys2016

t w e n t y - s e v e n

I have counted 3,000 heart beats.

It's been an hour already. I stand up from the cold harsh floor, and make my way out of the alley. I attempt to rap my jacket closer to shield myself from the brutal crisp of cold. I curse under my breath as my eyes struggle to find light in this darkness. In another time, I would be afraid of getting robbed or murdered. But now, I'm afraid of seeing Adam.

He stayed for 1,748 heartbeats, yelling my name into the void. Until he couldn't find his voice anymore, he made his way back. Hopefully, by now, he would be at home.

As I round the corner of the parking lot, my heart freezes and shatters to beautiful fragments of glass. I carry them in my hands as I witness Adam leaning on my car, his hands covering his face. I broke him. I broke him along the way in attempt of fixing myself. I did this to him. I cover my mouth as sobs escape my lips and let the fragments of glass prickle down my hands, leaving a trail of burning sensations.

I'm mad at the world. I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at Adam's brother. I'm mad at everyone. He will move on. Learn to carry yourself and he will find his way back to happiness, Lesley. I nod to my thoughts. This time, I decide to listen to the voice in my head. This is what will happen. This is the right decision.

But I can't go anywhere; I'm stuck around the corner of the bar. I reach into my pocket and dial the only person I know that will have my back no matter what.

"Hello?" Megan speaks into the phone. I swallow back, and inhale, "Ca-can you pick me up, please?" My voice cracks and once the first tear breaks, the rest follows in an unbroken stream.

I inform Megan of my whereabouts. "I will be right there," she hangs up and I'm grateful that she didn't ask any question. I round the block and wait. Five minutes later, Megan pulls up her car to the side of the street as I climb in. I get myself seated and turn to face the window, staring at the street lamp. My mind is then lost in thoughts of how light can never brighten forever. Eventually, our souls will dim in light, and turn off. Even if a replacement is put, it will never shine as the one before because in the end, none of us are the same. Just like stars, they live for thousands of years, but only to fade from our sights when the time comes. But they never disappear from the night sky, they are there but we just can't see them. Same as our souls, always around, never gone.

The silence of the car is soothing to my ears but it's interrupted as Megan lets go of a long sigh. Before I know it, I'm letting go of one of my own. With no questions asked, she drives.

"I'm sleeping over at your place tonight," Megan demands. She catches me off guard, "Wait, what? Why?"

"I'm not leaving you like this," she explains as she waves her hand over me. I open my mouth to argue, but exhaustion takes over as I nod.

As we arrive, she makes her way to my car door and practically carries me upstairs. I fumble with the keys to open the door as my hands uncontrollably shake. But Meg reaches my hand, slightly squeezes it and opens the door to the apartment.

I take the sight in front of me: nothing. It's quiet and I swear I can hear crickets. I wonder what time it is. How long have I been out? The door of Harry's room is ajar and my heart flutters as I catch a glimpse of Harry, fast asleep in my mother's arms. Megan notices because she hugs me closer and whispers, "It's going to be alright. I promise." I turn to face her but only to be reminded of Adam from the green light of her eyes. And I feel like hell stumbled its way back into my life.

But how can she know? How can she know it will all be alright? How can she take away the burden laying in my heart?