Road to Evergreen | #Wattys2016

f o r t y - s i x

Ten minutes later, I arrive at the hospital and run to the reception. "Harry Parker," I impatiently tell the lady sitting behind the counter. She studies me and then types something on her computer. "Are you family?" She asks.

"Yes. His sister," I reply.

"He is in the ER. There's no report on his state but you are welcomed to wait in the room with the rest of the family," she gestures toward the back. I thank her and run to the waiting room. Mom is seated, staring at the empty white tiled floor, with zero expression. Bob is walking frankly back and forth across the room. Megan's eyes pop as she spots me entering. She runs to hug me and I let her, welcoming something familiar.

"How did this happen?" I ask. Mom's eyes thrust open, "oh, Lesley." She opens her arms, and I hug her while she cries.

"I was going to your place," Megan explains. "I wanted to apologize to you. And all I heard where sirens and people screaming. I looked up and- and," she stops and covers her mouth to block a sob. Bob interjects, "half of the building was on fire. The police are still trying to figure out the cause of the incident but that's all we know."

"And Harry?" I ask.

"He... umm-" he inhales, "he was burnt pretty badly."

"How bad?" I start shaking as every negative idea plants in my head.

"Honey, we know as much as you do. We are waiting for the doctor for some further news," my mother smoothers my hair.

"Why wasn't anyone at home?" I start yelling, my heart aching. I turn to my mother, "Where were you?"

"I'm so sorry, Lesley," she painfully cries and Bob smoothers her.

"I'm not even surprised. I mean, you're never there," I say.

"That's not fair!," she cries even harder. Megan places her hand on my shoulder, "Lesley, don't make it harder on her than it already is." I push her hand away, "how would you know? Last time I checked, you weren't there either."  She takes in my words as she nods in agreement, pain filling her eyes.

I run.

I run outside. I keep running until my legs ache and I fall to the ground, hugging the grass. I look around as I lay in what seems like a park, with an endless expanse of blue sky. I lay back holding onto that one string of hope left.

One..two..three..four..five..six..seven..

He's only thirteen. He didn't get to have the life he was supposed to have. He could've been an extraordinary artist with ambitions to the roof. But now, his scars will always get in the way of his decisions and life. All I know is that for sure, he will always stay my brother who I love so much. I looked out for him since forever and I will continue to. My brother and I faced so many rollercoaster that I wonder how he even made it out alive. But he did. So he will make it now, as well. He's strong. I can't bare the idea of losing someone I love again.

With that, I get back up and head to the hospital where I apologizes to Megan and my mother who return the apology back.

"Its alright, sweetie. I guess we are all stressed," my mother twitch. "I just hope my little boy doesn't suffer," and she sheds tears for the hundredth time today. I rub her back and let her be.

"Hey, Megan?" I call for her. "I always said when I get the chance to talk to you, I'll ask why or how or when but now I don't know what to ask anymore," I shrug. She runs to my direction and hugs me while she sobs, "I'm so so sorry. I'm an idiot who fell for a guy who wasn't right. It took me some time to realize it but when I did, I just wanted your forgiveness."

I hug her back and join her while we both cry. She retracts and wipes her tears, "he-he told me that you blackmailed him into leaving me. He told me every bad thing possible to hear about you. And I thought you were jealous that I was finally happy. How stupid am I, right?" She startles a laugh and I nod for her to continue. "When I told you that I was dating him, you weren't happy for me. I could see it from your face and it somehow confirmed what he told me.

I don't know. It just felt good to have someone love you after a long time. And when I saw how he treated Adam and you back in the cafeteria. I was so scared to do anything. I'm still scared," she calms her self by adjusting her breaths.

"I'm scared too," I tell her. "I'm scared of so many things that I don't know if I'll make it out alive. I carry so much burden in my heart that I always wonder if this breath I take is the last one." I'm surprised how good it feels to let it all out.

"I'm here for you," she tells me as she takes a seat beside me. I smile at her, "I know. And I'm here for you." She takes me into a hug and we stay there. And now, we wait. The sun sets and hours roll. I offer to get coffee and snacks from the cafeteria. And when I come back to the waiting room, I freeze.

He's seated there. His elbows on his thighs while he holds his head with his hands. His eyes meet mine and he jogs to my direction. Everyone else is sleeping and I'm left here with him. Alone.

When he reaches me, I realize that his cheekbones are sunken. His eyes have dark circles staring out with bewilderment and fear, the bright green colour terrifyingly dim.

"What are you doing here?" I coldly ask.

"I heard the news and I came directly," Adam explains while stroking his hand through his hair.

"Why?" I chuckle. "Visiting another trophy of yours, I suppose?"

He turns mute, no words escaping his mouth. I weakly smile, "That's what I thought." My inside twists, making every breath heavier.

"I want to be here for you, Lis," he stutters. I shake my head as I hold back my tears. I wish my heart would stop. "You had a chance to be there for me. But now you lost it," I say and place the coffee's on the round table. I busy myself with fixing the snacks to prevent myself from running back into his safe arms.

"I'll always be here for you," he says from behind me. Tears escape and my vision goes blurry. I keep my face turned, too much of a coward to look at his sensational green eyes.

"I love you," he pleads.

"Please, go," I order between my tears. "Don't do this, Lis," he begs. I swallow back the lump formed in my throat, "it's too late. You already did it."

"I don't know how to explain it," he groans. "I push people away," he says.

"Why? Because you're scared?" I ask while I finally turn to face him. He nods. "Well, you know what, Adam? I'm terrified. But I didn't push you away because I knew that you're the only person who could take my fears away," I say. His face falls as he allow the pain to consume him.

"And I will do that, until my last breaths," his voice comes out solid. He takes several steps forward and lifts my chin until I meet his eyes. He kisses my tears away and I find my self fighting in a battle that I will never win.

"I'm sorry, Lis," he plants a kiss on my cheek. I close my eyes and hold on to the tingling of it. This is wrong. What did I expect in the end? I mean, everything comes to an end and the sooner, the better. After what feels like hours, I finally manage to speak, "you should go."

He flinches, as if my words hurt him badly. He backs away, fist clenched beside him as his jaw tenses. I stand there, eyes closed, with heartbeats faster than light. And when I hear his footsteps fade, I allow myself to sob. My heart hurts too much. My body hurts too much. It seems that everything hurt too much. I keep my eyes closed, not because I don't want to see where I am or what life have become, but I think it would hurt too much to open them.