We Were Kids [MIKA Fanfiction]

Forty-Seven: I Only Love You

It was too long. I couldn't take it. I had ripped up those song lyrics a few weeks ago and Mika still wouldn't let it go. I don't blame him. He's right. I spent too many nights sleeping at the complete other side of the bed and too many days getting dirty looks from him. It was driving me mad. The fact that we had this love so intricate and beautiful that destroyed itself because of a piece of paper with song lyrics, was just saddening. I thought the time we spent as children, the time we spent away, and these last few years, meant something to him. But it was thrown away, just like that. He didn't make an attempt to fix things. I had spent countless minutes wandering the empty halls of the recording studio, trying to put together a polite way to tell him I was so sorry and that I wanted to make things right.

Every time I tried to tell him, he brushed me off before I could even start.

I missed us. I missed the fun we had and the love we shared. I missed when everything was right. I wanted to pour my heart out and tell him how much he meant to me and that I couldn't keep doing this. I wanted him back. I really did. And I tried so hard to let him know but every time just felt useless. Like me. Useless. Waste of life. Piece of shit. Any insult he threw at me was valid.

I messed up and I couldn't forgive myself for it. It's not surprising that Mika couldn't forgive me either.

My mind traveled to a dark place and I began to think about what my life would be like without him (if I ended up there). I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be the girl who was so in love with someone and then messed it all up. I thought about how empty I'd be. I would have to distance myself from him. No more Melachi, no more Paloma, Zuleika, Yasmine, Fortuné...

What would I do? Where would I go? I had found Mika and we had fallen in love before I could even get my independent life straight. Ever since I found him, my future was only focused on us, not me. I didn't even think I'd be this close to losing him.

I walked into the studio and made my way to the little couch in the lobby. I got a few looks of sympathy every time I came in. Everyone could see how sad it was that I kept following Mika even though he despised me. I pitied myself.

I retreated to my usual place in the corner of the lobby, on the couch, doing nothing. That was driving me insane too; I couldn't help with anything and there was nothing else to do anyways. Everyone was busy, working, writing, playing, and I was busy being a useless.

My phone buzzed with a text from Zuleika. For the first time in a while, I smiled.

"Paloma can leave the hospital next week!! :D"

I wanted to tell her everything and how I felt about Mika and I. She always knew how to cheer me up and she'd probably give me some advice.

I also wanted to see Paloma. I wanted to be there for her because she was my friend.

"Katherine?" someone called. I looked up. "Hey! We're about to play two new songs we just finished and Mika wants you to come watch!" I was instantly on my feet. Mika wasn't ignoring me? There was hope. Maybe this was my chance to tell him I was so sorry. Or maybe he'd say it first!

Way too excited, I walked in. Right away, I made eye contact with Mika and I looked away. I couldn't look at him the same way anymore. I took a seat on the little couch inside and faced everyone with their instruments.

"Okay, let's start with 'Lola'." he announced. That name still made me feel sick inside. Everyone readied themselves and after a little countdown, people began clapping at the same pace, along with other instruments. The last time I was here was when Mika wanted to show me 'Underwater'.

"People always make me crazy, love me lots, don't love me maybe. What's the point in singing silly love songs?" Mika started. I sat still and watched, intrigued. Everything felt normal again.