Attack on Titan Levi x Reader

Photograph; Part 4

My mornings are dull now, empty of the once spectacular feeling of knowing when I woke up I'd see him lying beside me. I lumber out from under the covers, the fall air chilling me to the bone, and begin combing my hair. It's frizzed, but I'm not sure why, so I try to pull it up, but now my scalp looks flat and I didn't manage to collect every stand. Screw it. Skip the hair and put on the uniform. The hem of my black T is tugged over my navel when a sickening waft of stink attacks my sense of smell. Definitely time for a shower.

I trudge to the bathroom, closing the door behind me, and begin stripping after turning on the hot water. The steam consumes me in a blanket of comforting heat. I stand, the streams of water battering against my skin and cloaking my in a downpour of calm. Fingertips gently dig and scrape my scalp with white, bubbling shampoo, slipping down the curve of my back. I rinse it all out and then apply the conditioner. While it sets into my slicked back locks, I scrub and clean myself with rose scented soap. Water washes it all away and I'm left fresh and clean.

I dress in a- clean- uniform and decide to let my hair do its own thing. Sasha spots me in the hall. "(y/n)," she calls from the open doorway at the end of the building. I put on the faintest of grins and wave. "Sasha, how's your morning?" She comes closer, and I meet her in the middle. Her puppy dog eyes shimmer gold and today's she pulled her hair into a bun. "Not bad," she says, fiddling with her fingers behind her back. "I trust you know what today is?" Sasha asks, her voice cracking. A bulge forms in my throat.
"Yes." And it's growing.
"Are you going?" Growing.
"Yes." Growing.
"When? I'll go with you." Growing!
"I'd prefer to go alone tonight if you don't mind." Growing!
"No, I understand. I'm heading out in a little while, so I'll see you." Shrinking.
"Yeah. . . Bye." Settled. My feet pursue the opposite direction I'm currently facing, quickly increasing my speed. Don't. Cry. Fermented tears burn my eyes, but I keep them held in. Restrained.

My hand reaches for the handles on the mess hall doors. The door creaks open and the sound of laughter and harmless banter spills into the silence. It's warm and welcoming. A trap just waiting for me to stumble into. Not gonna happen.

I spent the rest of the morning hiking through the surrounding area- away from people- and just allowing my thoughts to drift and my inner voice to speak aloud. By the afternoon I was wondering the market place. I bought a few white roses- Levi's favorites- and an old spice that reminded me of his scent. I tucked the flowers into a satchel I had carried with me and trudged west, to the First Church of Wall Rose.
The stone building is large, impetuous, dotted by statues of Sina, Maria, and Rose, acting as columns to uphold the structure. A massive circular stained glass window consumes the center of the triangle that forms the roof, topped with black tiles and sided by bell tower and balconies. Echoing prayers leak out the windows. My attention is elsewhere and I manage to shut out all the other noise, but the chirping of birds and harmony of crickets. The melodic symphony of the evening.

Behind the building is a graveyard, and in the center of that is a statue. A statue of the fallen soliders who all went missing those six years ago. The evening breeze drifts through my wavy hair, cooling my skin and icing each breath I take. Stars dot the cloudless sky. The statue stands tall. From smooth, white stone is carved Eren, Erwin, Hangi, and Levi. All saluting. They stand proudly on a flat platform. My gaze rolls over Levi's likeness and I run my tongue over my teeth in thought. They had gotten the basics of his good looks, but missed the details that made him so ruggedly handsome. Also, they made him taller than he was and much more muscular.
I lay the roses at his feet and uncoarked the spice, placing it underneath my nose and inhaling the arousing scent. "I miss you," I croak, choking back tears. "I miss you so much babe, you have no idea. . . You know, when I think of all the smiles you brought me, I could never have imagined you'd bring me this many tears" My knees turn to stone, shoulders into cannonballs, and chest an overflowing well of sorrow. The ground beneath my feet is sinking, drawing me in the grasp of cold despair. I won't fall in. I'll be dammed if I do.
Damn me.
I do.

What do you do, when the person who you turn to to stop your crying, is the one causing the tears? I don't know about you, but I just cry harder. It's now I realize that over these past six years I've kinda been slowly, secretly, falling apart. From the moment Levi's death became certain I had lived a lie. Pretending that everything was going to be all right. I wonder how I've kept up the act for so long when I am severely overwhelmed by everything. It comes down to the point where even small tasks make me feel like breaking down and crying. Everything is just too much for me now.
You'll never be alone. Just wait for me to come home, a familiar voice seems to whisper in my ear. The locket. I dig into the dip in the shirt and retrieve my golden locket. It tremors in my quivering hand. Fingernails divide the heart and I find faded eyes staring at me. Levi. . . "You said you'd find a way home. You lied. You lied!" Sorrow melds into anger, unleashed and roaring at the photo within the heart. "I know why you left. I understood then. . . and I still do, except now I realize that I could have- No. Should have changed your mind. I wouldn't care if that meant hurting others. I wouldn't care if that meant hurting all of mankind. I may be to the point now where I wouldn't care if that meant hurting you!"
My back slumps against the statue and my eyes flicker with thickening tears. Again I stare into the locket's contence. A lance of pain pierces my chest and spreads, pricking my skin like little needles of self-pity. Pulling the locket from my neck I toss it to the shadows. I curse to myself as the world dissappears.
"The locket." My body bolts upright, bouncing to my feet. That voice. "Who's there?" My gaze rakes over the graveyard, lit by the pale moonlight. "Remember the locket." I see no one, but the voice and the heat of another body inches closer. "Tell me who you are!" I have no weapon, so I raise my fists and steady my stance, prepared to fight. "Does this answer your question?" Arburtly a pale phantom embraces me and lips, chilled and plush, press firmly to mine.
A warm calm washes over me. This taste is so familiar and yet all new. I pant and ache as gentle fingers creep underneath my shirt. I know now. . . . who it is. How? I don't know. Why? I don't care. "Levi," I hush. I want to pull away, look him in the eyes, and understand that he is truly here. But his grasp on me is too strong. Forced to stand in his arousing embrace I breath, and just take him in. His scent, his feel, his. . . Everything! It's all as I remember. Sexy. As. Heck.
"Levi, I-" His fingertips brush against my lips and he hushes me. "Remember the locket." Lips, swollen with kisses, touch my cheek tenderly. "I will," I say quietly, voice trembling.

Reality hits me with the force of a titan's hand. "Levi," I call! My gaze rolls over the graveyard. Nothing but headstones. Just a dream then. The locket! Pawing across the ground I search for the pendant. A shine of gold! Sprawled across the mossy cobblestone I find it. I gather the chain and heart into my hands and then lock it around my neck. Thank Sina! "I'm sorry Levi." The bulge in my throat arises bigger than ever. No. More. Tears. I swallow the agony and trudge away from the church and back to my bedroom.
Once my body met the mattes it didn't take long for me to lull to sleep, with the heart- Levi- held closely to my own.