December 12th
Have you ever heard the saying that when your ears ring it means that someone is thinking or talking about you?
I find my ears ringing a lot lately. It usually happens at night, when everyone else is asleep, and my mind has not the slightest fathom of ever going to sleep because everything is so interestingly magnified in the dark: like the soft sounds of the house settling, the clock ticking from two rooms away, the collective breathing of the neighborhood, and the contented feeling I get knowing that someone else in the world is just as awake as I am and they notice these unnoticeable things at night as well. But I find the shadows the most fascinating. They move by themselves, as if they take on lives on their own while their governors take leaves to other subconscious realms. I wonder if their ears are ringing as I write about them...
Then I think of how unobtrusively arresting the night is with all of its multifaceted qualities, and the most compelling of those being how sickening it is to think of how alone I actually am in the dark. I liked to think that I was significant enough to be thought about the louder the ringing got, but as soon as I felt extraordinary, it was sucked away into the vortex of the blackness surrounding me, and I began to think that maybe I'm not significant and memorable enough to be thought about. Then, I think that my head only rings because it's broken.
Your ears must ring a lot, and it's not because you're broken. It's because I think about you entirely too much.
