December 18th
That was me... the one that called you tonight.
When I dialed your number, I planned in my head all the things I was going to say. There were so many things floating around my mind like thought bubbles and I wanted to tell you of every single one of them so none of them felt left out.
I wanted to tell you about the new job I got, and how I'm making three whole dollars an hour more than my last job.
And I wanted to tell you about the new perfume I bought yesterday. It's supposed to smell like sunshine, but I think that the sun would have more of a burning smell, so the perfume company lied. But, that's OK because it kind of smells like sunflowers. I suppose that's as close to any type of "sun" that a perfume is going to get.
And I wanted to gloat about how many parties I went to last week. You loved that so much because you said you had never felt more alive than you did at a house party in the middle of summer surrounded by chaotic bodies in a frenzy to move with the beat that pulsed out of the stereo. I think I could out-party you, but the you that I used to know would let me win any bet we set, so you can keep your money.
And I wanted to tell you about this restaurant a few miles away that has really great chicken because I know how much you love to try new places even though I had gotten you accustomed to going to the same handful of places that I love.
But, actually, I wanted you to tell me things.
I wanted you tell me about how you're doing, and how the business is going.
And I wanted you to tell me about finally moving into the loft you've had your eye on for years.
And I wanted you to tell me about how you like your coffee because I've forgotten if it's two sweeteners or three.
And I wanted you to tell me if you ever got that belt thingy for the old car you and your dad spent two summers restoring.
Really, I wanted you to tell me that you wonder about telling me things, because I wonder about telling you things all the time. But when you answered the phone, you sounded busy and I heard your new girlfriend complaining about something in the background and then I remembered that you had to get going to work, and so I forgot all the things I wanted to tell you.
The new job, the perfume, the parties, the restaurant and all those other little thoughts of mine got lost in the telephone lines when you hung up, and all I had left was the dial tone buzzing in my head.
I'm not worried, though. Even if I never get to tell you all of those things, I can still tell the illusion of you that lives in the corner of my mind. He doesn't hang up.
