the rant book

mbi

ik this is negative as hell so i'm going to title these sorta chapters as mbi so people that don't want to read it don't have to.

i feel like shit about myself again. big shocker i always feel like shit but i just got a snapchat from my friend showing me back when i was honestly disgusting and i feel even shitter because i feel like i haven't moved on from that point and i'm still that ugly and i can't even look in the mirror.

i feel like shit. i'm shaking. i'm taking these diet pills and i hate that i am but it makes me lose weight and i just can't stand being even close to fucking *average* weight because i look like a fucking fat ass when i look at myself.

not that that's the least of my worries. my friend wants to kill themself and makes these fucking posts i never see until it's too late and they've already hurt themselves or broke down. they won't talk to me so i feel fucking helpless because they tried to hurt themselves before and they didn't fucking talk to me about it and i had to find out after the fact and it fucking sucks because i'm so scared they're going to try and do it again.

my other friend hates themselves and thinks that everyone hates them too and i don't fucking know how to tell them i love them bc they're honestly like my sibling their such a major part of my life and  they're so important to me but you can't just tell someone who's paranoid just that because that's not really how it works.

i'm being selfish but i just want to be like fucking 7 again where i had a fucking chill.