the rant book

slow eating and paranoia

i hardly ate tonight, just bc i usually just eat either really fast or super slow. and tonight was really slow. i felt bad bc my friend's mom treated and i was sitting there just like oooo i need to eat faster.

and my friend made a joke about it and idk i don't know i feel insecure about eating in front of people i'm not 100% comfy w. is that weird? it feels weird.

i had a good night though! i had some pretty bad verbal diarrhea, i need to work on that but i'm out of control tbh.

couldn't tell if my friend wanted me there though. like, one was genuinely down with it and was totally like yea dude let's see our friend!

the other one pretty much messaged him and i don't know if i was there bc he wanted me to be there or if that i was just a ride to bring his friend, our mutual friend?

which is stupid

i'm being stupid.

bc i think he was cool w me being there too

like, lmao, he had no reason to think otherwise. but, i just feel that way about people sometimes. just paranoid.

like, that verbal vomit thing makes me really annoying and they're like wtf??? or i'm just saying stupid shit and they're like wow this is depressing. idk.

i don't know how to ask for reassurance tho so i wouldn't know what to do abt tht.