A Kingpin's Love

Chapter 4. Letting Go

I pulled up to the Inglewood Park Cemetery about 30 minutes later. Sighing deeply, I cut the engine off and got out of the car. Walking up to my father's grave site I wiped the tears away that were running down my face. Unlike a lot of niggas in the drug game, I didn't grow up around it and I didn't have it passed down to me. I started out as a corner boy working for somebody else and my father knew absolutely nothing about it. He was killed in a car accident six years ago. You see I was 17 years old and I was graduating from high school. I wanted him to be there so bad that I didn't care that he had just worked a 14 hour shift the night before. Long story short, my dad fell asleep behind the wheel while he was driving and collided head first into an 18 wheeler truck. I didn't know what happened and I was mad at him for not showing up. We had gotten home from the celebration dinner and I found out that my father was being peeled off the highway when I just so happened to turn on my television and the channel was on the 11:00 news. I just want my daddy back I miss him so much. I kissed his tombstone before I sat down.

"Hey pops." I sobbed as I let the tears flow freely. "I miss you so much. I know I'm prolly a big disappointment to you right now especially after what happened earlier with moms. I didn't mean nothing I said, it just hurts that you ain't here no more and I know it's because of me."

"Is that why you been holding on to your father for so long?" I heard my mother say from behind me.

I stood up, wiping off my pants and pulling her into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry mommy, I'm sorry for being selfish and calling you outta yo name and I am so sorry for taking daddy away from you." I sobbed.

"Hush now." She said patting my back. She wiped away my tears and hers and looked up at me. "About a year ago I had woken up on a Sunday morning, Kiah was at one of her lil friend's house and Ion know what you and Kris was getting into. But anyway I went downstairs to make breakfast and it was a big breakfast too. Eggs, bacon, ham, pancakes, biscuits, orange juice, and coffee."

"All of his favorites." I cut in.

"Yeah." She said continuing. "After I was done cooking I fixed two plates of food and then called out yo daddy's name. After about five minutes I realized that I was the only person who was there to eat it." She said as tears rolled down her cheeks. "You see, remembering is easy but when I forget that he's gone forever that's what tears me a part. I'm gonna love your father until my very last breath, he gave me three children that I absolutely adore and for that reason alone he gonna always have my heart."

I smiled weakly and nodded my head on understanding.

"You gotta let this go son." She said. Kevin wouldn't want you holding on to him or to the pain baby, this is not your fault."

"But he was rushing ma and I was mad --"

"No I am not gonna allow you to keep blaming yourself. He made a conscious decision to leave work and come to your graduation because he loved you and wanted to see you walk the stage. You hear me?" My mother said cutting me off.

"Yes ma'am." I answered.

She then wiped the still falling tears from my eyes and leaned up kissing my cheek.

"I love you Karter." She said.

"I love you too mommy." I said.

"And Karter the very next time you ever fix yo damn mouth to disrespect me again, I will cut yo muthafuckin tongue out you got me?" She said grabbing my bottom lip and twisting it.

"Ow yeah ma!" I yelled.

"You better." She said. "Don't let it happen again lil boy."

She pulled me into another hug.

"You straight up gangster for real ma." I chucked out rubbing my lip.

"Mmhmm." She responded. Now let's get back to the house cause I cooked all that damn food and somebody gone eat it."

"I know that's right." I said with a chuckle. "I love you pops." I said as I kissed the tombstone again.

"See you later Kevin." My mom said.

With that said we headed back to my mom's place to try and salvage what was left of Sunday dinner.

I KNOW ITS SHORT AND I KNOW ITS SLOW BUT IT WILL GET BETTER...LET ME KNOW WHAT YALL THINK