Tears made of Sun (Emblem3)

Chapter 13 - Found the Joy in Pain

"Well what did she say?"

I felt I was going to burst out in tears from anger. I was dying to find what had happened and he was just silent. I was ready to grab the wheel and turn the car out of the road to finally get his attention; it was driving me insane.

"She umm.. she's worried about your sister. Said she's been really different lately, she didn't tell me much. She was umm crying and told me to tell you that your sister had asked to see you so they booked a flight for her just two hours ago. She said she was really umm... desperate. So, we have to go pick her up in about an hour..." he replied.

Oh crap, now Wes thinks my whole family is psycho. WAIT WHAT? I DIDN'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT WES THOUGHT. MY SISTER WAS IN A CRISIS. My sister was in a crisis? Why? What was wrong? Who had hurt her? My mind spun and I was so agitated not knowing exactly what the situation was, what was wrong with my sister, what my mom had told Wes and why all this time I hadn't heard a thing from them. My blood flowed faster, poisoned by guilt as I realized what I had been missing all these months. They hadn't heard a thing from me either. The only times I had ever talked to my sister after moving here was only when she called. I never called up to ask how things were, never sent an e-mail to say how I was going. I had always been there for her and now I had just vanished, erasing my past and with it my family. Wes's shirt felt tight around my throat and my palms were cold. I couldn't help but burst out in tears, catching Wes by surprise as he turned the car in the gas station drive way and wrapped his hands around me.

"Baby, it's okay, everything's gonna be fine. I'm here for you don't forget that", he continued.

These are things I should have said to my sister, let her know I was there for her. Call her and visit her during holidays. And I had done nothing. Too occupied with my own drama, I lived on thinking that I was the only one with problems. She needed me more than anyone and I had failed her, and Wes's soothing words couldn't fix that.

"Please just drive. We need to get there in time." I said coldly.

He kissed my head tightly, and started up again, going back on the highway. I knew he understood what I was feeling but I could see how upset he was to see me like this again.

"Look Wes, really, you don't have to stick around. We can just pretend this was like a summer fling, or a spring fling or whatever! Really, things will work out don't worry but you don't have to go through this. Everyone's got problems I'm just going to have to deal with my own, and I'd hate to bring on this on your back...". I smiled faintly, trying my best to prove that I was fine, but I knew better.

I knew he could see past my fake masquerades, and he had proved that countless times so I knew I was underestimating him. Strangely though, I really needed him to go. To forget about everything and just carry on with his life, hanging with non-problematic happy girls that had the whole world at their feet. Not someone like me. I liked him too much to do that to him. And it was just unfair.

"No way in hell. Come on, we're here". he said quickly, getting out of the car.

I sighed, secretly with relief feeling stronger and not so alone. That lasted for only a minute though, as I looked at the airport entrance in terror. He put his arm around my shoulder and urged me to start walking, squeezing me in his embrace. The flight hadn't arrived yet so we settled for a small snack since we both hadn't eaten anything all day. I grabbed a bag of chips as he picked a sandwich, and we sat at a table near a flower shop. A flight had just arrived so the place was flooding with people, all hugging, in tears, laughing with joy; couples were kissing and holding each other as if they'd never let go, and daughters were squeezing in their mother's hands. I stared around at the chaos and from the corner of my eye I could feel his gaze fixed on me.

I turned my head rapidly and he frowned with surprise, "What?". I looked at him questionably, "Stop staring" I smiled shyly.

He raised his eyebrows and laughed loudly at my request. "Hey Miss All-That, I wasn't staring at you, I was looking at that guy over there", he pointed discreetly with his finger.

I felt my cheeks blush, and embarrassed, I turned my head slowly to look behind me. There was a young man, about twenty-five to thirty years old, wearing a black suit, with piercing blue eyes that stared right ahead in agony. He was holding a massive bouquet which contained every type of flower I could think of. He was leaning against the flower shop wall, and as I focused in on his face, I noticed his eyes brighten and his smile widening as he took a deep breath. A young girl was approaching with her suitcase, apparently having landed with the flight, looking down at her phone. Swearing under her breath she closed it and threw it in her bag and raised her head. Filled with wonder at the man's sight, she stopped walking. I could see his knees tremble as he approached her and gave her the flowers. They shared a quick kiss and his face straightened as he started to mutter under his breath in her ear. He grabbed the suitcase from her hand and dropped it on the floor, pulling her towards him. Setting her on a fixed spot, he backed away slowly with small steps.  The airport staff and other hurrying customers stopped to look at the couple while others slowed down their walking. In that moment, I could swear all the chatter sounds and wheel noises had stopped and there was perfect peace. The couple looked each other straight in the eye, and she laughed every so often with tears in her eyes. Then what we had all been waiting for finally took place.  He kneeled down on one knee, as tears started rolling down the girl's face and the crowd started cheering. There was noise again; laughter and clapping mostly, and I could only look at his lips as he muttered the four words. All breaths were held and she nodded with excitement. Staff members started teasing each other as they cheered for the happy couple, husbands and wives grown old together looked at each other romantically as they walked by, and daughters squeezed their mother's hands in happiness, and secretly jealousy. He grabbed her in his arms and swiveled her in the air and she couldn't help but laugh hysterically as she kept wiping her eyes.

My pulse quickened at the scene. I had rarely seen such happy eyes, and when I did, they always belonged to those in love. It made sense of course, because how can anyone be miserable when they have someone's hand to hold and someone to wrap up in their arms when the nights are painful? I glanced at Wes quickly, trying my best to not let him know what I was thinking. He could never possibly be the one I was in love with. No matter how fast he made my heart beat, and no matter how calm my spirits felt while he was with me, he couldn't be the one. Because simply, there was no "one". No one deserved to love this thing, this disgusting me. Not even my parents. But I couldn't help but stay with him now, because my sister was arriving any minute now and he held my pieces together and his smile gave me courage and strength. So I couldn't push him away yet because I needed him. Instead, I would wait until he understood what a waste of time I am and walk away.

Sometimes I feel like he can read through my brain. As if he can understand every thought that occurs to me just by the look in my eyes. The couple had now left the scene, and there was chaos again as another flight had landed. Wes poked at my hand and stuck his fingers between mine and pressed them against my palm. I smiled at his innocent face, at his continuous attempts to help and cheer me up. I closed my eyes and opened them again to make sure what I had just seen was correct. I narrowed my look in his eyes catching a glimpse of that joy. Wes's eyes were projecting what I had just seen in the young couples eyes; and they were projecting it right at me. I shook my head in denial and had no time to think about it. My attention was caught by a thin figure walking through the gates with just a small bag in her hands. I raised my hand and yelled her name, and she walked fast towards me. And I could swear in that moment, staring into her weak frame, I felt the most devastating pain I had ever felt.