Tears made of Sun (Emblem3)

Chapter 30 - Clearing Out

"Shiiiitt girl! How are you going to tell Wesley about Drew?" Kenny was looking at the ceiling as we both laid on his bed. I had just described the conversation with Drew, our kiss, our swim and then our many more kisses. We couldn't let go of each other. His body felt like a drug. A drug I shouldn't be near, shouldn't touching, looking, smelling or thinking about. But I did. And I couldn't stop. They were leaving for a tour soon and the best thing I could do is figure out my situation with Wes so I can be prepared for when he leaves, not make out with his best friend. FUCK! I MADE OUT WITH HIS BEST FRIEND! Kenny was right, how was I ever going to have the heart to tell Wesley about it? But should I tell him? I knew it was wrong and he should know, but kissing Drew felt like everything BUT wrong.

"I have no idea. I could just die right now..." I breathed heavily, confused.

"NO!! Don' t say that! Come on things aren't that bad!" Oh, right, of course. I forgot that Kenny was the only one besides Wesley that knew about my previous... situation and wishes for death.

"Kenny! I was speaking metaphorically!" I taunted annoyed, "but you're wrong. Things ARE that bad! How am I ever going to get myself out of such deep shit without hurting anyone. IT'S INEVITABLE. And it's all my fault!"

"It's not. It's not all YOUR fault. Why the fuck did Drew kiss you in the first place?" Kenny got up to serve himself a can of Coke and gave me time to think about his response. He was right, it wasn't my fault that Drew kissed me. Well, it was my fault for not backing out, but not my fault that he wanted to kiss me. Wanted to kiss ME. Out of all the gorgeous Californian girls practically begging him for a kiss, he kissed me. Why? Did that mean he had feelings? Or was it just one of those comfort kisses when you're feeling down? Because, truth be told, he was pretty down. That's probably why. The kiss probably meant nothing. And as I stated this only in my brain trying to relieve myself from guilt, it somehow made my stomach turn and my eyes went blurry. What if it meant nothing to him? I had been obsessing about the kiss, and secretly had enjoyed it, while he might have just needed to feel better. But that option was quickly eliminated when I heard the phone ring, and spotted his name on the Caller ID.

"Hey?" I sounded horrible. My crying and screaming, fixating on our kiss while talking to Kenny, had had an impact on my voice.

"Um.. it's Drew...", Yes Drew, I know! "Listen, Ray... I was just calling to ask if you wanted to hang out tonight. Just you and me." JUST YOU AND ME? JUST. YOU. AND. ME. JUST. What? This was insane. Was I going to go on a date with my boyfriend's best friend? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But maybe Drew didn't see it as a date, maybe he just wanted to talk and apologize for kissing me and tell me about another girl he's been crushing on. That would be horrible. I mean, that would be GREAT. Yes. Great and RIGHT.

"Sure... uhh... pick me up in an hour from Kenny's?" My voice dropped as soon as I realized how awkward that sounded. I was dating Wesley, secretly kissed Drew, and was now hanging out at Kenny's. I sound like an absolute... um... prostitute. To say the least.

He hang up the phone after a quick 'K' and before I had time to say goodbye I heard the familiar call tones. Great. A date with Drew.

About an hour later I had just finished taking a shower at Kenny's and changed into a decent outfit from his closet. I stole a unicorn T-shirt, cut out half the waist and opened up the neck hole, and then grabbed jean shorts which I cut shorter as well. I made it look as girly as possible with the accessories I associated it with. Walking out the door, I received a disapproving look from Kenny (but couldn't tell if it was because I had made a mess out of his clothes or I was about to go out with my boyfriend's best friend) and turned to find him shrugging his shoulders at me as we both heard Drew's loud and continuous honking.

"Well... see ya" I pitched indifferently, hopping out.

My walk was slow and steady as I tried to calm myself before getting in the car with Drew. I needed to be relaxed so I wouldn't make a stupid decision or make a fool out of myself. A couple of deep breaths seemed to do the trick and I was up and alert as soon as he opened the door from the inside. His stretched hand was ten times more toned and tanned than Wesley's -I had to admit- so there goes my plan of being calm and relaxed.

"Hey gorgeous" he smiled quietly, not exaggerating the words, but rather whispering them seductively as he sat back in his seat.

"Hey" I tried being as cold as possible, "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise...."I turned abruptly. Surprises were very dangerous at this point. My boyfriend could be anywhere. It seems Drew immediately understood why a frown had taken over my face and continued, "Don't worry cutie! Wesley never hangs out where I'm taking you..."

I didn't reply. I was confused. He was being so kind- so boyfriend-ish. What if this wasn't the clearance talk, but rather a deep, hidden confession that finally came out when we kissed. But shockingly enough, what Drew was going to say didn't bother me as much as the fact that I didn't know what I WANTED him to say. Did I want it to be a confession or an apology? Why would I ever want Drew when I had someone who loved me so damn much and had always managed to make me feel better and.. oh, right... SAVE MY LIFE?! Ironically, when Drew pulled up at a deserted beach, my phone started buzzing. My hands were sweaty and at that point, I felt like I would faint any second now.

"Hey babe!" Wesley yelled over the phone. I could hear the smashing of the wind against the phone, the screams in the background, and the sound of waves crashing. 

"Hey... Wes. What's up?" my voice was shaky.

"Nothing I just haven't seen you at all since yesterday at the BBQ and I was wondering where my sexy lady was hanging! Wanna meet me at the beach?" I could tell he was smiling. I turned around. Was it just me or was someone actually stabbing my heart into a million pieces?

"Um I've... been around. Ha-ha. Yeah. Meet you at the beach? Sure... I have to drive to my place and um... I'll see you later. Bye!" I pressed the red button and threw the phone back into the car, closing the door quickly behind me.

I gasped noticing Drew was standing two inches in front of me. Well, this didn't seem like an apology.

"Ray...." he patted my ear with his sweet low voice, bring chills to my every bone. His hand drifted from my shoulder to my palm, and he slipped his fingers between mine, rubbing them with his thumb.

"Drew..." I replied, but had no courage to resist or even talk anymore.

He smiled and kissed me gently. WHAT. WAIT.

"DREW!" I pushed him back with force, tripping on his feet and landing right on top of him. Way to go, Ray.

 "Drew," I said again, "You guys are leaving soon. I'm going to college. AND OH WAIT, I'm dating Wes. We are both being stupid. This shit has to stop Drew!" he wasn't looking in my eyes. His look was floating along my lips and his hand was tickling my waist. "DREW STOP! Take me home. This isn't right." I screamed furiously, finally gaining his attention back. I couldn't stand  him looking at me any longer. How could he do this to his best friend? He backstabbed Wesley heartlessly, just to get the girl he wanted. My heart filled with guilt, thinking of poor Wes just surfing with his buds while I was making out with his best friend. But I couldn't blame Drew entirely. I had kissed him during his vulnerable moment. Before that there was never any sign of attraction between us. We were just best friends.

They were leaving soon. I was going to college. It was over with both of them. For the best of the both of them. And as for me...I just prayed and hoped that the old me would never be back after what I was about to do. 

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I won't be updating at all next week so big treat is coming up! Expect the next chapter by tomorrow :D

these chaptersss were so sadd to write ;c BUT A GIRL'S GOTTA DO WAT A GIRLS' GOTTA DO hahaah  aaaaaaaanyway

talk sooooooon xx