December. Another monotonous month had gone by, this time accompanied with Kenny's frequent calls. We had grown back together again, but he was still holding back and hesitating whether to forgive me or not. I didn't blame him. He helped me reflect on the fact of how I had been always running away from my problems. Left Atlanta when Tyler died, left my apartment and disappeared when I broke up with Wes. Once again, way to go Ray.
The dorm room door felt a knock and I turned my head, slipping out of the book I had so uninterestedly been reading so far. I was still in my Pj's but it couldn't be anyone else but Ellen so early on a Sunday, so I didn't mind. I opened the door, and my eyes nearly popped out from the pressure my heart received and the force I bit my tongue with.
"Hi" Wes smiled empathetically.
"Wha...How...?" I managed to respond, with a ridiculously high level of difficulty.
"Kenny...." he laughed, obviously figuring out my questions. "You should never trust Kenny with your contact information!" he teased. Amazing, it was as if he had seen me yesterday, as if nothing had happened. He looked as good as ever. He had grown his beard, and the spots that were once all around his face has now taken way into a clear, tanned skin. His muscles had grown as well- not that I was surprised- and his eyes were different. They were no longer the eyes of a boy but the eyes of a man. His voice though had the same pitch, even though it seemed a tone heavier, it was still sweet and passionate like I had remembered it to be.
My knees were trembling by the time I let him in the room and I found myself looking at the floor, avoiding his frequent glances and answered all his questions while I was doing something else or looking away.
"So... how have you been?" he said calmly, crashing on my small bed, pushing my book to the floor. My desk chair was occupied with a stack of clothes and books, so I remained standing like an idiot, and leaned against the wall, keeping as much distance as possible. If I got even an inch closer, I couldn't make any promises of resisting him.
"You know... here and there... homework, homework and more homework. I heard you guys are doing great though! That's great... I'm so happy... It's great, I'm really glad for you..."I smiled.
"Yeah, it's unreal. Dude, I can't even describe it. The days FLY by, and even though we're almost always on the road or doing shows, I'm not tired of anything. I could do this all my life, and still die eager for more!" he winked, but then straightened his face again, and looked at me gloomily, "but you know, it's pretty lonely."
"Lonely? With about a thousand girls chasing after you?" I teased, but my true curiosity couldn't be concealed.
Thankfully, he got the joke, and let out a small laugh. Woot woot for my comic relief.
"Yeahhh... Well, they're alright for fun..." he said seriously. Ouch. So he HAS been having fun. Well, obviously he has. He's a guy. He wasn't about to seal his 'fun' because we broke up. Right, I'm over it. Shouldn't bother me. But it does...
"Fun...", I choked on my words and coughed to cover it up, "Sounds interesting. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself though!"
"I'm not Ray. I hate it. I try going out with blondes, brunettes, redheads, Italians, Greeks, Spanish chicks, but DAMN nothing catches my interest. They have the most hilarious stories to tell me, and I don't laugh. They tell me about their problems and I don't care. I'm not listening to them, I'm listening to you. You haven't left my mind for a second. It's torture. I'm sick and fucking tired of it. So just free me, Ray. I don't know what you will do, but make it stop. Let's go back, or just erase yourself from my brain. Let's please try again, Ray. I'm sorry if I did anything wrong. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm going fucking nuts."
"Wes, I...." I what? I'm sorry? I love you? I want you back too? I don't know what to say? It's always, I, ME, never him. Never them. Never we. Why was I always so damn selfish? I didn't even know why I was keeping myself apart from him, and I was in pain, and he was in pain, and it was shit. What was I supposed to say? Lie and say I'm dating someone? Go out with him again? And then cry myself to sleep every night he's gone?
"Let's."
"Let's what?" he moped.
"Let's try again." There. Simple enough. Maybe if we had tried being simple from the beginning- maybe if Ihad tried being simple from the beginning- maybe we wouldn't have found ourselves in such deep shit. Maybe I could just be honest and speak my mind for once. And if I had done that, maybe I would have saved us both these four months of loneliness. " I get jealous. I get jealous when I know you're surrounded by girls screaming your name and begging for your touch. I also hate tour buses, get terribly dizzy in them. I cry myself to sleep more than enough, and my brother committed suicide. That's why my sister came. That's why I had those sleeping pills. That's why you caught me crying so many times." I shrieked with disgust, freeing myself from every little secret I had ever kept from him. If there's anyone who needed to know, it was him.
"I hate avocado." he muttered.
"What?" Was he mocking me?
"I hate avocado. I hate the way it's so slippery and tasteless. It's something I hadn't told you when we were together. I want to know everything that's on your mind, so I want you to know I trust you. So there. One thing about my life I hadn't mention. I hate avocado."
I smiled widely, shoving my hair out my face.
"I love snails. I know it's disgusting and they need to cook really well before you eat them so they don't crawl out of your plate, but I still love them. I used to eat them with Tyler every time we failed a test."
"If my sister wasn't my sister I would date her." We both laughed at his remark.
"I find all cats revolting." I chuckled with my words.
His face was serious and he looked up.
"I know about Drew."
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Tears made of Sun (Emblem3)
Teen Fiction19-yr old Lauren, also known as Ray, is ready to end it all. Ever since she moved out to California her pain has been getting stronger and harder to deal with. Until a knight in shining armor comes in her life, quite clumsily, who coincidently happe...
