Tears made of Sun (Emblem3)

Chapter 29 - Something Goes Wrong. (or Right?)

"ANDREW MICHAEL CHADWICK!" I changed to a British accent, and elevated my tone to a higher pitch to match that of the nannies you usually see in movies, calling out their kids in concern. We would always joke with such characters with Drew, and he absolutely hated when I called him by his full name.

His furry eyebrows raised at the sound of my voice and of the words that slipped through my mouth.  Turning and shuffling his blonde hair, he flashed one of those big, white smiles and then rubbed his fresh tattoo. He had one of the most gorgeous smiles of the planet, but wasn't aware of it- he was even ashamed to smile. So every time he flashed someone with a smile, he would quickly pucker his lips back and turn his head. But today, the pride of his new tattoo distracted him, breaking him out of his usual routine. I could see past the smile though, and quickly took a seat next to him, on the beach pier. It was busy as hell. The weather was finally beginning to resemble summer, and with the burning sun over our heads, every family and friend group had taken a day for the beach. The little children were causing chaos, but it was nothing compared to the screams and teasing coming from the surfers and canoe-ers. There was so much noise around from the screaming girls and volleyball matches, that I almost didn't hear him when he whispered, looking ahead, "Why are you here?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing actually!" I said in a cheerful tone, because I was definitely not used to this Drew, and I didn't know how to react.  Our hands were used to tickling and wrestling with each other, so as they remained stil on our laps, it gave me a sense of unfamiliarity. As if this was not the Drew I had spent so many hours talking to. Therefore, wanting to bring that old uplifting mood back, my first response was a sarcastic one, making (I hoped) the atmosphere a little lighter. I wanted him to feel like he could tell me anything, I wanted him to feel comfortable, and this was the first time we were actually going to talk absolutely seriously. I just hope I hadn't completely ruined my chances by throwing out that joke.

"Come here!" he said and shoved my head in his arms, messing up my hair and then kissing my forehead gently, and I swear I almost caught a tear in his eye. Furiously, I snapped my head back and grabbed his arms, staring him right in the eye in my most serious expression. He immediately got I was pissed, and figured there was no way out of telling me. "Life sucks ass, that's all. Sometimes I just feel drowned by everything, you know?" .

I nodded.

"It's just... I dunno man, everything seems like a shithole right now, I just need my time, that's all, dude."

"I feel you, but your life is great. Drew forget about the past, you're not the same person, and I'm sure you have so much to offer to the world. Come on!! I don't know ONE person who doesn't admire you greatly for all you've done so far. You have a calling Drew, and who knows, it might be you that the world was waiting for in order to change..!" I rested my palm on his knee.

"Nah, you don't get it Ray. Life is a real shithole. SHIT.HOLE. But you don't understand. I'm not special.. or whatever. Nah, forget it." he said, waving his hand dismissively. And in that moment, I could swear, I felt my whole body ache and burn in anger.

"My brother took his own life eight months ago." I muttered under my breath, turning my stare towards the setting sun.

 I felt Drew go pale. I felt his body freeze and at the corner of my eye, I s

aw his head turning slowly. He was my friend though, and I didn't say it so I can hurt him, nor prove what horrible shit I've been through. I wanted him to know I've trusted him and that I DID get it. Besides, I had been dying for the chance to finally let it out on someone, but ever since Tyler 'left' I had been left with no friends. By my choice of course, moving to a new state and all, so making friends again from scratch finally gave me a breath of relief. And an eagerness to find someone I could rely on.