When I opened the door of the apartment, Wes and Jessica hadn't moved an inch. The two chairs they occupied were both on the balconies edge and were barely leaning over in the room as they both stretched towards me. I knew I probably offended both of them by going out in the hallway of the building to talk to Jake, but even in the first five seconds talking to him, I knew something was up and I knew Wes wouldn't want to see me slowly melting over a past love. Knowing myself, melting over Jake's voice was something I couldn't refrain from doing.
"Sooo who's that Jake that your conversations are so important and mysterious?" Wes waved his hand around as he spoke, looking at his nails and acted uninterested, but I could tell he was annoyed by the bloodshot looks he gave in between his words.
"Oh, he's just a really old friend. Nothing mysterious, we were just umm... catching up." I smiled whole-heartedly and (hate to admit it) apologetically. I got why he was pissed. I would be pissed as hell as well if my half-girlfriend had just walked out on the hallway to talk to some guy I knew nothing about. But I hoped to insure him with my soft reply that it was nothing to worry about.
"It's her ex" my sister smirked and turned the spotlight right on me.
Mouthing an ironic 'thanks' to her, I realized her eyes were red and puffy, making it seem like she had just been crying. "What did you guys do while I was gone?". As soon as the question was out there, we knew there was something much deeper going on between us, much deeper than an argument about a long-lost boyfriend. Surprisingly, I was actually expecting an answer from them, so it hit me pretty bad when they both ignored my question and stood up. Wes picked up his jacket and his phone and my sister grabbed a coat from my closet. Lost in a trance by the last couple of minutes, my gaze could only follow them until my brain started working again. They couldn't walk right out because I was leaning on the door so I didn't say a word and kept waiting for their (hopefully) soon-to-come answer. But my expectations were once again raised too high, and stooped too low in the end. Jessica was now ready and at the door while she waited for Wes to finish messing with his hair in front of the mirror.
"Sis, we are off for a walk now....so if you don't mind..", her hand reached to the door and gently shoved me aside. I was too confused by their silent communication with each other to put up any resistance.
So they would leave me. What if, after all, Jessica wasn't the problematic one? What if it was me that always worsened the situation inside my mind? Maybe Jess was fine and all she really wanted was some time with me. WITH ME. NOT WITH WES. But I guess so far it was only Wes that showed any interest and became the listener that she needed. So time for that to change.
"Wes you can go home now. Thanks for everything..." I began. Without even looking, I could feel my sister's stare burning through my skin but I continued before any of them had any time to protest, "but I really want to spend some time with my girl! It's just what we both need so I'll call you tomorrow... go home and sleep and I'm sure the two of us will have a lot of fun!" Even if it was four in the morning.. But my need for time with my sister was something that neither of them would have the heart to refuse. And I knew that only too well.
Turns out, even if I did take quite an advantage of the fact that my sister was here, everything worked out greatly. Wes finally gave in, after my sister insisted as well, and agreed to drop us off at the beach so we could have some time together, while he would go home and rest. The beach seemed like a great idea to me since it would be sunrise soon and I felt like that was something that could lift both mine and my sister's spirits. And ever since Wes had taken me there last time I had fallen in love with the location and couldn't wait to show my sister.
As he dropped us off and was ready to head home, he grabbed my hand before I got out of the car and pulled it towards him. After a day of constant chaos, my body was in no position to resist temptations and not only did I give in to his seduction but threw myself on him. We hugged and our hearts beat in unison even for just that tiny moment, and his lips kissed mine goodbye. It felt so warm and safe, so secure and so lasting and I wanted to part but couldn't- and apparently he couldn't either. He let go of the wheel and wrapped his strong, muscled hands around my waist with passionate force. We were tied to each other and it felt amazing until I realized my sister was outside, watching our passionate kiss with a bored and anticipating face.
"I knew Jake would call" she smirked as soon as Wes drove out of sight.
The beach was empty except for a couple of bonfires here and there. There were groups of friends walking along the sidewalk, all laughing hysterically and looking peculiarly at their hands and surroundings- and they all had this peculiar smell that followed them. When the third group passed us, bumping into me and laughing, my sister mouthed "HIGH" and laughed, as I quickly changed the subject.
"Did you now? How's that?" I acted cool and fixed my T-shirt.
"Yeah. He has been asking about you every week Ray. He tries to call but the kid has no guts! Half the times I called from school he was right beside me, listening to your voice. You were really cruel you know..."
"That's not my fault" I snapped, and shoved my hair behind my ears to give her the look. "What was up before, why were you crying? You didn't tell Wesley did you?", I asked, changing the subject quickly.
"It IS your fault! It's not OURS that you decided to abandon us. Okay it wasn't easy I get it! But you left us Ray! And all you care about was if I told him? YES I TOLD HIM. HE KNOWS EVERYTHING." Obviously she had been waiting to confront me and I was caught off-guard.
My sister has such a sweet voice. When she talks calmly over the phone it's like a song melody. And when she sings, everyone is quiet. But at times like this, when her eyes are on fire, her voice spits venom. And it hurt, because she knew better than anyone all my weak spots and insecurities; and she aimed right for them. Of course I couldn't ignore the fact that she was right and looking deeper in her words, I knew that they were not the words of an angry girl but of a hurt sister... and she was abandoned from me so I couldn't hide from that fact. Her last words came out shaky and we remained quiet standing in front of each other without saying a word. There was nothing that could be said. She had told me everything I needed to know, she had enlightened me on all of her feelings, and I in return finally began to realize what I had done. I had done exactly what had been done to me. I abandoned the ones I should have stuck with, and cared only about myself.
Three days ago I wanted to take my life away and I had thought nothing about my mother, my father and my precious little sister. I underestimated all the pain I would cause. Seeing my sister for the first time after months in the airport, I was flooded with guilt. Seeing her open up to Wesley, I was flooded with jealousy and disappointment. Because it was no one else's fault but mine that our great relationship was now in ruins and I had conveniently pushed her away along with the whole world. It wasn't fair for me to ask her back now that I was 'available', while she had been dying for my attention for months now. But all those feelings then vanished and just one remained. Anger. I was pissed off as hell at my stupid self. Always me, me, me. After a wasted time of mourning, it was finally time that I got up on my feet, and I was determined to death (ugh- speaking metaphorically of course) that I would not let my sister down. From now on actually, it was time to finally start accepting the past in order to be able to live the future and actually start thinking about others the way I used to. And I knew the perfect way to do that. I would go back to where everything happened, and re- define the past.
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Tears made of Sun (Emblem3)
Teen Fiction19-yr old Lauren, also known as Ray, is ready to end it all. Ever since she moved out to California her pain has been getting stronger and harder to deal with. Until a knight in shining armor comes in her life, quite clumsily, who coincidently happe...
