Tears made of Sun (Emblem3)

Chapter 32 - Back to Black

November. Not a word from Wesley or Drew. Or Keaton for that matter. Videos came streaming ever since their first tour. Interviews, fan videos, concerts, more tours, answering questions, morning show exclusives,, and of course, home- made covers and Vines. They were growing rapidly. School had started successfully, and I had been putting my all so far. I hadn't exactly made a bunch of friends yet, being so focused on my studies and all. My sister had visited twice already and I was in regular contact with my parents, and Jake- who was a little too glad to find out about my separation with Wes. Who knows, maybe I'd end up marrying him after all, and watch Wes walk down the aisle a couple of times with different celebrities. Ugh. Shivers.

My college room was awesome I had to admit. I had filled it up with pictures of me and the guys, family, Jake and old friends. A temple of the past. Thankfully I had no roommate to whine why I stayed up so late and woke up so early. My sleep for the past months had been little to nonexistent. But I didn't mind because that allowed me to finish up more homework. Furthermore, I had time to discover the entire campus on every Sunday afternoon when I had nothing left to do but wander alone. I was pretty good company. Anyway, the point is that time went by, and I didn't suffer too much.

I missed Tyler. I missed talking about him, but I guessed that got replaced by sleepless night of crying. He had a solution to any problem that ever bothered my mind. He was my guardian angel, and this time it was literal. I wrote to him sometimes, when I felt miserably desperate, I had made up an entire document- 45,000 words so far- which contained all my instantaneous thoughts and whines. Poor Tyler had a lot to deal with on the nights when I lied wide awake. I had narrated my entire experience of a somewhat love story with the guys of emblem3, and I felt so relieved to finally have someone who I could tell everything. Tyler stood by and I felt him. I felt him urging me to keep on studying, and keep on living.

Of course part of the schedule was always checking up on Wesley and his band through their Twitters, Asks, Tumblr, Facebooks and whatever else I could lay my hands on. They were moving on successfully. Torturing were the moments when they were back in California, and I had to force myself to study more and harder, to prevent grabbing the wheel and visiting them. But it seemed to me, even if I did, they wouldn't remember who I was now. I couldn't blame them either because it had been so long, and they barely knew me for some months- and some kisses.

"Goodmorning Lauren!" Ellen's voice broke through my life analysis. She had been my first friend around here. We had gradually become pretty good friends while she told me about her boy problems and I advised her with my imaginary knowledge. She didn't mind though that I barely had anything to say, because it worked out pretty well for her, while she blabbered her life away.

"Hey El" I smiled tiredly.

"Reeeeaddddy?" She was referring to our first examination based on Theater techniques we had learned. It was the easiest stuff in the world. Those kinds of exams you never study for, but somehow she got all nervous and sweaty when it came to presenting. I couldn't blame her because for the first part of the year we had spent several weeks explaining to her the difference of a sad face and an angry one. So I couldn't blame her.

Our most exciting afternoons where going out for coffee while spying on the hot waiter of Starbucks. This made me miss the excitement-filled days along the Californian coast, surfing with my friends. Or ex-friends. Pf.

"Hello Miss Lauren." Mr. Growsbrad always had an appreciation for my theater skills, I never understood why. I smiled, hearing Ellen's quick response to his greeting. That girl was hilarious.

So you can see how my days flowed by ever since school started. I talked to people, I was constantly surrounded by them, and somehow I felt lonely. I had no one, except my sister who I really loved. I would allow myself to say I loved Wesley or Drew. It wasn't fair to them. So I remained lonely, choked sometimes by the feeling, other times looking forward to crossing the street because maybe there, a drunk driver would accidently end my pain and confusion. You can't say my life was a path of butterflies and rainbows. It was a mess. But frankly, my entire life was, so I didn't mind all that much. It was the way I had trained myself to survive. No one was there to understand, listen or care. I let the only person who did care, out of my life a long time ago. And that was fine.