His eyes were tearing. I had never seen him like that again. Not that I knew him for too long, but in the time we spent together, he had gone through difficult times, and I knew how strong he was. Now here I was, with my straight face, while he was melting down to his knees with question painted all over his eyes. He dug his face inside his shirt, and wiped his nose, elevating his look back onto mine. His hair was still wet from the ocean, but there was no sign of the usual peacefulness and joy he always had when he was by the sea. This was a whole other person. I remained quiet, dropping on my knees as well, because seeing him from above, begging me was more than I could handle.
"But we could go through everything together" he whined. Every attempt of opening his mouth brought another tear to my eyes, as his eye faucet was wide open and flowing. Stop. Please stop.
"Stop. Please stop." my brain was numb. So this is what it feels like. Breaking someone's heart. This is what feeling heartless and cruel feels like. Someone who was so perfect, someone who could have been the one....wasn't. This is what it felt like breaking his heart.
"STOP? You stop Ray! Stop talking! Cause everything you say is wrong! WRONG! FUCKING WRONG! I love you why don't you get that? I'll see you every day while you're in college, I'll Skype you every minute during our tour. I will, like I always do, THINK ABOUT YOU TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN! So what is all this separation bullshit because of distance? FUCK DISTANCE. I've never met anyone who could make my heart beat as fast as you can, and who always has me on my feet. Am I not good enough? Is that it?" I shook my head in response to his question, " Am I not smart enough? Not good-looking anymore? No use in your life? IS THAT IT?" I shook my head again, tears rushing down my face, "SO THEN YOU STOP! STOP SAYING BULLCRAP and let's go home."
"I have to go, " I whispered exhausted, "I love you too but it's just not meant to be. I'll miss you Wes. I- " I stopped, breathing heavily. I wiped the flow of tears to clear my vision, and ran back. I had to get away. Breaking two hearts in one day was terrifying, exhausting, and all my fault. I heard his crying shouts behind me, and continued running with my hands over my ears.
This is what it was like breaking two hearts. Two hearts you loved to death. Death. Hello, my old friend.
My keys slipped through the door, and it swung open, rushing out a smell of new boxes. I hadn't stepped foot in my apartment for a while now. Half my clothes were still at the Stromberg place but I wasn't planning on getting them any time soon. I was never going to see them again. Tomorrow they'd be starting their GB2C tour and I'd never see them again. Only on television or twitter news, while the spokespeople gossiped about emblem3 and the girls they seem to be dating. But I'd be in college, and I won't have time for that. I walked across the empty apartment and opened all the windows wide open. The smell of summer haunted the air. June was here. The streets were busy with rushing mothers and daughters, and businessmen hurrying for work. Couples flowed by eventually, walking at their own slow pace, not hurrying for anything or chasing after life. Everything was working out for them.
I wiped a tear from my face, and in zombie mode, took a suitcase out and filled it with the clothes that still filled my closet, and didn't stop until it was empty. I looked around and let out a long sigh. It echoed around the room. The balcony was empty, and my memory flew back to the night when Wesley was begging my sister to sneak out with him so she can feel better. My memory flew back to the first time I had met elevator boy, the first time he walked in the apartment, the first time I made him breakfast here, first time we watched a thriller together, first time he told me he loved me here. It was all gone now, and it was both better for me and for him- for all of them. That wasn't my world and this wasn't his. But besides all that, I couldn't push myself to admit that I was doing it more for myself and not as much for him. He loved me. He wanted to be with me. But I... I couldn't live with being with either Drew and breaking Wesley's heart, or being with Wesley and breaking Drew's heart. I couldn't bring myself to love Wes while girls overflowed their concerts. I couldn't be without him for a second in my life- I was dependent on his existence and that good for neither him or me. I loved him. Too much. And that's why I had to let go. Now. As for Drew, it was a mistake. He's my best friend- or rather- was my best friend, a different kind of love. I left behind people I love- for their own good. Yes. For their own good.
A knock on the door swished me out of my thoughts. It was a young girl around my age. Her hair was long and brown just like mine. She wore jeans and a T-shirt with huge black glasses that overflowed her face. She was holding on to a medium sized suitcase and a book on the other hand.
"Excuse me," she squealed quietly, "I'm Kelly. I talked to you.. I think... on the phone." her voice drifted off.
"Oh yes!" I smiled warmly, "Yes! Please come in, I fell behind with the picking up, my furniture is already gone, these boxes are going to be out of here in less than two hours, I promise." I smiled again.
"No problem! Please take your time! And thank you, I could never have found an apartment so close to my job at such a low price! If I may ask, how come?" her face was pure and innocent, she seemed trustworthy and I was sure she would take care of the place.
"I'm going to college..." I smiled again.
"Really!” she seemed fascinated, then frowned again looking at the window, at the picture of me and Wesley, smiling together along the beach. "What does your boyfriend think? I'm sure he'll miss you!" she left the book down and responded to my smile.
"No, he's not my... he's just an old friend.
In less than two hours I had gathered all my stuff and was driving away.
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just as i promised! But don't be expecting another chapter for a while cause lots is hapenning this week! vote and comment as always and SPREAD THE WORD! started writing a second story weeeeee :D
talk soon xx
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Tears made of Sun (Emblem3)
Teen Fiction19-yr old Lauren, also known as Ray, is ready to end it all. Ever since she moved out to California her pain has been getting stronger and harder to deal with. Until a knight in shining armor comes in her life, quite clumsily, who coincidently happe...
