A Lovely Surprise

Goodbye part 3

I stayed kneeled on the ground packing a couple thing she can take with her. The teddy bear michael got her, her favorite hat, and a necklace I got from my grandmother. There has not been a minute in this day that I have not cried. I felt I was losing my womanhood in a way. I was no longer going to have someone to call me mommy.
"Dre, let's go." Joshua hollered. I stood up shaking. I grabbed her & her bag. She was still sleepy , laying her head on my shoulder.
I walked down stairs, Joshua took her bag.
We walked outside to the car. I put her in her car seat for the last time. I got in beside her, as she woke up.
Joshua started the car and liked it off the drive way.
I played with her dark curls, as she looked up at me smiling. "I'm going to miss that toothless smile." I said bittersweet.
"Mumumumumu" she kept mumbling.
We pulled up to the adoption center. Instantly vomit raised in my throat. I jumped out the car vomiting.
I was on the ground dry heeving. Josh grabbed, "cone on Dre. You gotta get up." He said softly lifting me up. He went to get Ari out of her car seat. "No! Stop! Let me do it!" I hollered. He moved out of the way letting me get her out for the last time.
We walked in the center, Sara was there up front waiting for us.
"Follow me." She said. We follow her to this room. "The parents are signing a couple other things then we'll be ready." She said.
I sat on the floor with Ari as she crawled around, smiling. "Dada" She randomly mumbled.
I asked to borrow Josh's phone. I got on Michaels Facebook and found a video of him playing with Ari.
I played the video so she could hear his voice one more time.
"Peek-a-boo! " Michael giggled in the video. It immediately caught her attention. She crawled over to look at the phone. "Dada." She squealed.
"Who's daddy's little girl?" He asked tickling her.
"Babe watch this." Michael said smiling at me in the video.
"Baby I'm recording." I giggled.
"Oh," He said.
Tears ran down my cheeks watching how perfect things were.
The door cracked open, "were ready Audrey." Sara said softly. I stood up with Ari. I held her staring at her eyes.
"Now you listen here little girl." I told her. She just smiled.
"Me & daddy..... can't take care of you. But we love you so much that I decide to share you. You're gonna have a new set of mommy & daddy. They will take really good care of you, & love you." I said crying. I held her close tight & close, sobbing. "Mumu." She blabbered. "That's right baby. I'm mommy, I always will be. And daddy will always be your daddy." I told her kissing her chubby cheek. She then grabbed my face kissing my cheek.
" I love you so much baby girl." I said handing her to Sara. Joshua kissed her head saying goodbye. I was biting my knuckles trying to keep myself together. I watched as my child no longer became mine. I watched someone take her away to someone better. I collapsed onto the ground breaking down, just screaming.
"Come on sis. Get up." He said grabbing my arms trying to help me up. I yanked away from him.
"She's gone!" I cried.
"She's in better hands." He said softly.
" She should be in my hands!" I screamed.
"He ruined everything!"
Josh picked me up, carrying me out into the car.
He got in the car, and began to drive.
"What do I do now? I've lost everything." I said having a panicked attack.
"You're moving to Florida with me." He said.
"I wanna go now." I said breathing heavy still crying.
"We leave tomorrow." He said .
"I cant go back there. Her bouncer, clothes, and everything is there! Josh, this fucking hurts so bad!" I cried.
A tear fell from his eye. "Were getting you better. You're not okay." He said.
We got home and I laid in my bed. I felt nothing. I'm so numb. I really wouldn't even care if I didn't wake up tomorrow.
It was midnight. Everyone was asleep.
I can't just disappear from everyone. I know once Michael decides to come home, he'll look for us.
I got up and went downstairs to the kitchen table. I grabbed two pieces of paper and a pin.
I rewrote these two letter so many times I lost count. Eventually I was okay with what was on these papers. I put them in envelopes and labeled one Michael & one Aria.
I looked at the clock and it was 7am.
"I'm guessing you didn't sleep." Josh said.
I shook my head. "I was writing Michael a letter. It'd be stupid.to just disappear and not tell him." I said running my fingers through my hair. He nodded. " I guess we're dropping this one off at the adoption center?" He asked. I nodded.
I packed my thing and loaded up the car. Joshua told my parents by as I stood on the porch staring off.
"get better, okay?" My mom said. I just shrugged.
She hugged me, and kissed my forehead.
We got in the car and first dropped off the letter for Ari then went to Michael's house. I put the letter in their mail box.