A Lovely Surprise

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Beep ...... beep...... beep....... beep..... beep
I took a deep breath as I felt myself slowly waking up.
" how much do you think a safe cost?" I heard Josh ask.
" I don't know a small one is about $500" a woman's voice said.
" I'll just get one of those then I don't want to risk her getting into my pills again." He replied.
I groaned in pain as I was still waking up but still felt dazed.
" did you hear that Erin?" Josh asked.
" yeah I think it came from Audrey." The woman replied.
I heard Josh get up from his seat. I could hear the footsteps come more towards where I was laying. his hand brush my hair back, " Wake up sis... It's a special day today..... Ari is a year old. She wants you wake up." He said.
" tip one, don't bring up things that'll make her sad." Erin said.
"But it's her daughters birthday?" He said.
" yeah and she doesn't get to spend it with her or even get to talk to her. It's gonna be a hard day for her Josh." She said. She was right. "Oh. yeah... sorry.. Good thing you are here to help me."
I groaned in pain again as i slowly open my eyes as the bright hospital lights blinded me.
"You're awake! " He smiled.
I nodded, I opened my mouth to speak but my throat was so dry. "She thirsty Josh. Here." She said handing him a cup of water. "Can you sit up Dre?" He asked. I nodded. I sat flinching in pain. He held the water to my mouth, as I drank it.
"C-can I have some more please." I asked. She got me more water. I gulped it down.
Josh sat on the side of my bed. "How are you feeling? " He asked.
I shrugged looking around. "My stomach hurts." I mumbled. "The doctor said it'll hurt for a while." He said.
I looked down at my lap ashamed. Why didn't it work?
"How long have I been here?" I asked softly.
" almost a week. You really scared us Dre. The doctor said you almost didn't make it. You got really lucky." He said sincerely.
"Yeah 'lucky'." I said looking away as tears filled my eyes. I didn't wanna make it.
" hey, look at me." he said softly.
I looked back at him bitting my bottom lip trying not to cry.
" We're getting you help sis. You're gonna be okay." He said.
" O-okay. " I stuttered as tears were spilling down my cheeks. He hugged me. I broke down crying into his chest. "I don't wanna feel like this anymore." I cried. Josh pulled away. His face was soaked in tears. He held my face. "Were getting you the best help okay? You're gonna be happy again, I promise. We will get through this." He said. He held me till I stopped crying. "I got someone I want you to meet. She's here to help." He said I rubbed my eyes.
" hi Dre, I'm Erin." She smiled softly.
"Hi." I said lightly.
Josh left the room letting her and I talk.

*
" It's a great, place. They really helped me get my life together." She said.
" Why were you there?" I asked curious.
"I guess you can say you & I had similar situations. My dad passed away when i was 6. Then My step dad raped me from the time I was 8 till I was 15. I finally told my mom and she didn't believe me. So I ran away with my 19 year old boyfriend at age 15. Got pregnant at 16. I told him I was pregnant, he told me to get an abortion, I said no. So he decided to beat me till he was sure the baby was dead. He threw me out onto the streets. Some older woman found me unconscious in an ally. She took me to the hospital and took care of me since. She took me in, but I suffered from depression. Tried commiting suicide twice then I went to this camp. It changed my life. It helped me find my purpose in life." She said.
I nodded, "okay. How long do I stay there?" I asked.
"We decided to put you in the longest program which is 6 months." She said.
" what about school?" I asked.
" the have tutors and you can do online classes to finish your sophomore year." She said.
I nodded....
" when do I leave? " I asked.
" in a week, from today." She said.
She grabbed my hand squeezing it.
" I know trying to kill yourself was you trying to escape the pain. Anyone who hasn't been through it won't understand. The pain gets unbearable, I know..... but life does get better. & Josh loves you, I don't think he could handle losing you." She said.
"I feel like a burden to him." I said. As I said that Josh walked. "You feel like a burden to who? " He asked. I looked down at my lap. "I feel like burden to you....you - you have an amazing job, make a lot of money. & look your here taking care of me." I said frustrated.
He sat at my side. "I knew from the day you were born, I'd have to end up taking care of you. Why do think I drove up here & didn't just call back." He said.
"What? What do you mean?" I asked confused.
" Once I saw how mom & dad felt about you..... I knew either I was going to or needed to take care of you. Why do you think I worked so hard. I knew some how you'd end up in my care. All the money & my job doesn't matter. You are my little sister, you are my responsibility. You are more important than anything." He said tears surfaced my eyes. I gasped as my heart finally felt something. "Really? " I choked out as tears ran down my face. He hugged me. "Really sis." He said. "T-thank you..." I said holding onto him tight.
*
*
We reached home & we were tired. I went to my room and changed into comfy clothes. I laid down, taking a deep breath.
" here's a couple suitcases. We're leaving Thursday morning." He said.
I went ahead and start packing my clothes and personal belongings.
**
*
*tuesday*
I started shaking violently.... no matter what anyone said, the pain still rested in my heart. It was so tempting to try again. I'm tired of suffering.
I run my fingers through my hair gripping it tight crying and groaning. I felt like a mental person....maybe I am?
I can't do this anymore..... I got out of bed, walking to my bathroom. I had no idea what to do. I searched through my bathroom looking for something, anything ! Finally I stumbled upon a razor. I've never done this before but I heard it helps.....
I started to disassemble the shaving razor and finally got the blade. I stared at the shiny blade as the light reflected off of it. I grazed it across my wrist. It cut skin but deep enough to bleed. I tried again but pressing harder. Blood seeped through my skin. I stared as the blood dripped down my arm. Then I cut again, and again & again. Blood covered my arms. I stared at the blood. It was like seeing my soul for a second, it was like it was telling me your still alive but slowly dying inside. I felt -
"Oh My God!" I heard a voice screech interrupting my thought.
It was Josh.
He grabbed my arms, " what are you doing dre!" he yelled panicking. I shrugged.
He turned the cold water on, shoving my arms under the faucet. The blood washed of my arms revealing the cuts. I didn't cry this time, I didn't feel anything. He got on his phone. "Yeah can you come over. Please. It's an emergency." He said to someone v over the phone. He wrapped my arms up in bandages and took me downstairs and sat me on the couch. Someone knocked on the door. He opened it up & it was Erin. She rushed to me, looking at my covered up arms.
"I cant do it anymore." I whispered.
"Yes you can, we're taking you to the camp tonight. Okay. Josh is getting your bags then we're leaving." She said looking at Josh queuing him to get my things. I was shaking violently.
She helped me into the car and we drove 3 hours to the camp.
It was 2am when we got there. Josh helped me out of the car. We were met with an older lady. "I'm winnie. You must be Audrey." She said. I nodded shivering. "Let's get you guys inside. We have a special room for her till thrusday." She said.
We went inside the office. She gave Josh paperwork, he sat down filling it out. "Follow me Audrey." She said. I followed her back to this room. There was a bed and a dresser.
I sat on the bed. "Can I take these bandages off?" I asked. "Go ahead." Winnie said
I unwrapped my arms, letting air get to my skin. I stared at the cuts..... "they hopefully won't scar. It doesn't look like you cut that deep." Erin said rubbing my back. "I don't mind them." I commented. "I didn't either till I got better & they kept reminding me of my pain." She said.
" what if I don't get better?! Huh? When you get better this when you get better that! What if I don't get better! What if I feel like this forever?! I don't want to be here!" I screamed. I wasn't sad.... I was angry.
"You're going to get better. " She said calmly.
"& if I don't? ! Huh? Answer me that! " I screamed punching the wall.
" Audrey Ann Rose!" Josh hollered.
" What?!" I screamed.
I grabbed the dresser throwing down to the ground. "I want my kid back! i want Michael to love me again! What is so fucking wrong with me that people don't want me?! Am i not pretty enough? Huh? What the hell is wrong with me?! Why doesnt he want me?!" I screamed as i through everything onto the ground. Josh grabbed me, wrapping me tight into his arms. "Let go of me! " I screamed. He dragged me to my bed, laying down. I still struggled to get out of his grip. I screeched in frustration! Eventually I gave up. We laid on the bed as I started crying. He petted my head, "Shhhh, go to sleep. Get some rest." He said. Eventually my eyes became heavy as I fell asleep.
*
*
"What did you say to her? " Josh asked calmly.
"I just said that her cuts wouldn't scar. She told me she didn't mind them. Then I told her she would when she got better. Then she just lost it." Erin said.
"Josh, we have decided were gonna send her to the Psychiatric hospital." Winnie said.
" Do you think she's that bad?" He asked scared.
"No, I've seen worst. But she needs time to let this all out. No 16 year old should have to go through this. She needs time to let her feelings out & this may sound weird to you but these moments where she's snapping are because she's trying to hold everything in and together and it's not healthy. She needs to be somewhere where she can let it out. She won't be there long, 2 weeks tops." She said.
"Okay, if that's what you think is best." He said. My door opened, "oh your awake." He said. I nodded. "When do I leave?" I asked.
" today." he replied