A Lovely Surprise

Save Me

I sat on my bed looking out the window as it rained. "Sis we need to leave for your therapy." Josh said. I nodded getting up silently and grabbed my bag.
I've been here for 2 weeks. 2 weeks of crying, 2 weeks of not sleeping, 2 weeks of feeling completely numb.
Josh enrolled me for the next school semester but that doesn't start for 2 more months.
I spend my time in my room staring at pictures of Aria. I miss her so much. I can't help but wonder how her new family is. Is the dad strict or goofy? Is the mom uptight or fun? Is her brother protective or laid back? Is her sister a girly girl or a Tom boy?
I have all these question and no one to answer then, & it's killing me.

The drive to the therapist was silent. "Dre, please cooperate with this therapist. He's one of the best in florida. " Josh begged. I nodded shivering. "It's cold." I said.
" Dre it's 80°F...." Josh said. I shrugged.
*
*
"So, how does that make you feel?" He asked.
Oh my god. I swear if this man asks me that one more, I'm going to lose my shit.
"What the fuck do you? I feel depressed! That's why I'm here!" I said irritated.
" audrey, calmed down please." He asked.
"This is stupid, you're no help." I mumbled.
" So your boyfriend was cheating on you?" He asked I nodded.
"What did you do? " He asked
"We got into an argument then he slapped me."
"How did that make you feel?" He asked.
"I was hurt..." I said as gritted my teeth.
" Did you guys break up?" He asked
" well- uh? No one officially broke up with anyone. I asume when he cheated we were done."
"So he never actually said were broken up. And neither did you?"
"No..." I said.
"How does that make you feel?" He asked.
"I don't know? Like shit?" I asked throwing my hands in the air.
"Do you still feel that way?" He asked. I looked at him like he was stupid.
I stood up & walked out. This was stupid.
"I thought your session didn't end for another 10 minutes?" Josh asked.
"Josh that guy is no help. He frustrates me more then helps me." I said folding my arms.
" Did you even try?" Josh asked frustrated.
I nodded. "He kept saying 'how does that make you feel' obviously like shit! Or else I wouldn't be here!" I hollered. We walked to the car getting in. I could tell Josh was frustrated with me. "I don't know what to do. Do you even want help? I've done everything I can think of.... " He asked.
"Josh, are you seriously asking me that? " I asked hurt .
He nodded,"im at a road block, what else am I suppose to do?". "this isn't easy okay?" I said softly.
"I know. And im lost of what to do." He said running his finger through his hair.
"Me too...." I said softly. The rest of the ride home was silent. We were both lost and in need of help to help me.
We got home and I went straight to my room.
*1 week later
I laid in bed just thinking about everything, how was I going to get out of this depression. I went and saw that therapist again and he was still no help.
I'm making Josh so frustrated.... He's worked to hard to just end up taking care of me.
I'm just making his life harder & it's not fair.
He needs to grow, get married & have kids and with me here? I'm in the way.
I'm always in the way of something.
I want Josh to be happy. He's not happy since I came around. No one's happy when I come around. My parents weren't happy that I was born or that I was a girl. Michael wasnt happy when I came & visited him. Michael was never happy around me. He was so unhappy he cheated on me & didn't want to come around his own daughter cause I was around. Aria is probably a lot happier without me around. Katherine kicked me out, she probably wasn't happy that I was around. Maybe I should just end it? Then everyone would be happy....

I stared around my room. Why am i hear? I feel that i no longer have a purpose. I pushed the blankets off of me. I walked into my bathroom. I looked around, tapping my nails on the counter. I slowly opened my cabinet and it was empty.... I closed it trying to think. this is the only way I'll do it. There's gotta be some around this house. I bet Josh has some in his cabinet.
I snuck down the hallway and into Josh's room. I got into his bathroom cabinet and found some prescription meds. I stuffed them in my pocket. I ran to my room hiding the pills.
"Dre, dinner is ready... come eat. " He said.
" coming. " I hollered running down the stairs.
We sat at the table enjoying the meal his cook made. "Glad to see you're eating." Josh said. I nodded wipping my face enjoying the taste of my last meal. "May I be excused?" I asked politely.
" Yes." He said nodding.
I got up and went to my room. I sat on my bed looking through pictures of Aria, Michael and I. They won't miss me, they'll be okay. It might hard for Josh at first but then he'll realize there no more weight on his shoulders. He can move on with life.
Aria won't even know who I am.
Michael will probably be glad im gone. He hates me. The love of my life hates, that's what hurts the most. Not knowing what I did to deserve all of this. I did good in school. I always did what I was asked. I never hurt anyone on purpose. I loved Michael so much.... I tried my best to make my parents proud but we all see how that turned out. I never wanted to disturb my brother. Let's just forget it all and end it all.
Nobody really cares anyways....
After a couple hours I heard Josh shut his room door. He usually goes to bed around this time.
I got up off the bed and went into the bathroom. I turned on the shower water, and turned on the radio. My favorite song was on. I went and grabbed the pills. I don't even know what they are but they'll have to do. I locked the bathroom door. I stared in the mirror to see someone I didn't know. The girl in the mirror looks dead already, i look at her and shes broken, ready to go.