A Lovely Surprise

Difference

I don't know what to do with my self. I went from a 18 year old boy to a family man to trying to be a 18 year old boy & a family man to a 19 year old guy in college with a girlfriend.
I lost my daughter. My baby mama is no where to be seen, disappeared off the face of the earth. What the hell am I suppose to do.... do I carry on with life knowing my daughter, my blood is in the hands of a stranger? I just wanna hear her say 'dada' one more time, see that stinkin' cute smile that melts my heart, I wanna tell her happy birthday. God this shit hurts.
" babe? You in here? " Nina asked. I wipped my face trying to cover up the fact that I was crying. "Yeah." I said sniffling.
"Babe what's wrong?" She asked worried. "I just wanna tell her happy birthday." I said looking at the ground. She came & sat by me. "I know this is hard. We're gonna get through this." She said kissing my cheek. "I just want her back.... I miss how everytime she saw me her eyes lit up and she would kick & squeal till I picked her up." I cried. "Why don't we just stay in your dorm today." She said I nodded rubbing my face.
She changed into comfy clothes as I watched video's of Ari.
"Ari, look at daddy." Dre smiled point at me.
Ari peaked over smiling. "Dada!" She squealed. "Go get daddy! Go get him!" Dre giggled.
She crawled towards the camera putting her face in it. " goofy little girl, get your face out of the camera!" I said.
She crawled into my lap. I gave my phone to Dre as she records Ari pulling herself up, grabbing my shirt. She grabbed my face, kissing my cheek. "Babe look at her shirt." Dre said. "Daddy's little girl." I read. " where did you get this shirt?" I asked. " it was on sale at target." She replied. " michael, you're making this harder on yourself watch this video." Nina said getting into bed with me. "I hate her so much. Just gives our daughter away." I said. "Michael stop. Everything-"
"No! Everything will not be okay Nina! You don't understand! My daughter is fucking gone! I can't see her, talk to her, even get a picture of her!" I yelled.
" I know michael but you have to let go." She said tenderly." Let go? What the fuck you mean let go? She is my kid! I will never let go of her!" I yelled walking out of my dorm leaving Nina.
I walked & walked. I finally found a bench to sit on. I just didn't feel whole anymore and I never would. I was missing my child and I can't get her back without ending up in jail.
Months went by and Nina did her best to keep me happy.
"Do you wanna go out?" She asked sitting on my lap. I shook my head no.
"We don't do any thing anymore. " She pointed out.
"Okay?" I asked annoyed. She rolled her eyes and left my dorm. Things anyways went like this. I feel like I'm mourning and she not giving time. I love Nina but I can't figure out how to get over this.
*a month later*
" Michael I can't do this anymore!" She shouted. "Then leave!" I yelled. "That's the thing! I don't want to BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! "She yelled at me. " I cant take sitting in this room watching you cry or carrying you up here cause you're so drunk! I know this is hard but you gotta start living again babe! You're failing all you're classes! " She cried.
I just shook my head, "Let's try therapy." I offered. "What? " She asked surprised wipping her tears. " You're right. I'm failing at life right now. I need help. I don't know how to over come this." I said standing up holding her face. She grabbed my hands nodding with a little smile. "Okay." She whispered. I kissed her softly. "I love you. " I told her. "I love you too baby. " She replied wrapping her arms around me.