Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Four |

Dear Diary,

I saw him completely devastated today. I was broken hearted and I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart over and over a million times. I wanted to ask him what happened so bad but I knew he wouldn't tell me and if even in the slightest chance that he would, it would probably be about another girl. I couldn't handle the jealous and pain I'd get from asking.

I just couldn't.

I still have hope of him loving me back.

I cannot wait until the day I have the chance to call him officially mine, for him to love being with me and want to hug me and hold my hands in the halls. For him to want to go places together, to go on dates. I cannot wait.

My friends say that we are "goals" and that we are perfect for each other. This just makes me smile uncontrollably for hours and even days but I doubt he actually thinks of anything of it.

Basically, I love him more than I love myself. I will always choose him first. I always get him chocolate and other gifts because I want him to notice me.

I'm terrified that he will love another girl.

Another girl that isn't me.

I want him and only him.

He is my dream.

My light.

My heart.

My sun.

My universe.

My galaxy.

But sadly, I am none of those things to him. I am not the one he thinks of at night. I'm not the one he imagines about having a life and kids together with. I'm not his light. I'm not his sun. I'm not is universe, and I'll certainly never be his galaxy.

I'm sure he will never love me back.

My boy best friend comforts me and always helps me with these situations when I'm self hating myself because he does not reciprocate my feelings. He gives me good advice which always soothes me. I'm so thankful for him being in my dramatic life. It's awesome to have a boy best friend, I'm forever blessed.

Sometimes, I write his name on my book in little letters, drawing him, saving his profile pictures and picturing him without him knowing. When I think of it, it's extremely creepy, but the addiction I feel towards him never stops. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I can't control my actions or my body around him.

I hope he notices me.

Maybe some day, he will.

In my dreams.

Love,

Your Secret Lover.