Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Forty - One |

Dear Diary,

• We don't talk anymore, we don't talk anymore, we don't talk anymore like we used to do. We don't laugh anymore, what was all of it for? We don't talk anymore like we used to do. •

Yeah, that's us right now.
We don't talk anymore.

We're like strangers, the perfect strangers.

I don't know what happened between us, why are we strangers now?

A few days ago, my friends and I went out for a birthday party, I had seen him and we just greeted each other. He left fifteen minutes after I arrived. I didn't care, we're friends. I think I moved on, but I don't know if I still love him or not. We chatted the day of the birthday party. We joked for a while but that's it. I like how we don't talk for a while but when we actually talk, we joke around.

A few days later, we talked in school.
We joke around but nothing special.
I think I've actually moved on but I'm not sure. I get excited when we talk but maybe because I love talking to him not because I love him. Or maybe I do. I'm not sure.

I'm too confused.

Do I still love him? He means a lot to me but maybe not as a crush or loving him. I don't know.  I can't spend the best years of my life waiting for somebody to love me back. I have to accept the fact that he won't ever love me back. I think it's enough loving him, it's been a year.

It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it's harder to give up when you know it's everything you ever want. The problem is, when he's around I get tensioned but I don't talk to him. I get too worried. Sometimes, I feel I'm annoying him.

It's easy to say you're over someone if you aren't seeing them. The challenge is to look them in the eye, see their smile, hear their voice and still be able to say, "This is not what I want anymore."

"We're just friends." I try to promise myself.

His voice makes me shiver in class.
Maybe because it's the first time to see him all the time. Eight hours a day, five days a week. We greet each other sometimes. He sat beside me in biology class and he helped me a bit. He's really helpful.

I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.

It's funny and amazing how you can fall in love with a person you didn't even notice when you first met them. I think I might always be in some kind of love with you. I think of him sometimes. I reread our chats sometimes. I stare at our pictures sometimes. But from the inside I know that I'm no longer in love with you. But for you, I'd steal the stars.

"I got my hopes up." She whispered.

"About what?" He asked.

"About you actually loving me back."

I finally moved on, but I'll forever care for him but not love him. It's for the best.
We're still friends though, hardly. He'll forever be my lovable, kind brother. We're friends forever, right?

But with you by my side, even hell feels like home. You make me feel secure. I just wish you would want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to you. Maybe, I was waiting for something that isn't going to happen.

'My friend' and I agreed a month ago that we'll be friends or class mates. We'll talk but we'll not tell each other personal things or secrets. I think it's much better like this. No more drama. I still love her though.

I moved on, and I feel sorry for you, because I thought you were the most amazing guy ever. If I could have had any guy in the world, I still would have picked you. Now, you're just a memory more faded everyday.

And honestly, the saddest thing I've ever done is that I once begged someone to love me the way I loved them.

I think that's it. I think that's the end of our story. Started with falling in deep love and ending in moving on and being close friends. Well, friendship is important though. I hope I moved on not lying to myself.

I wish you were still my closest friend. I wish my feelings never got in the way and you'd still laugh at me when I did something embarrassing in front of you. We smiled, we laughed, we joked and we had an never ending friendship till it was destroyed by my feelings that got in the way. But there's not much I can change about that now. You were gone from my selfish feelings that I couldn't control. Gone like you don't remember our idiotic yet amazing memories. Not only did I lose myself but I also lost you, my best friend. And not in the seven billion other people on this earth, will I ever find another you.

     My desire for you is selfish
          You deserve so much
           More than a sad girl
    With tired eyes, and a weary soul
But I crave you impetuously because
                When I am loved.
            And I long for a day when
      I can make you feel the same way.

I just wanted to let you know that you don't deserve a paragraph. You deserve a thousand books written about how amazing you are.

I Love You.

Always have and always will.

But now, it's time to move on.

Love,

Your Lover.