Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Nineteen |

Dear Diary,

I really miss him terribly, every time I think of him and how much I miss him, my heart breaks into a million pieces of shattered glass, over and over again.

I miss him.

It's only been a week not talking to him but I can't take it any longer. But I swore to myself I'm not going to speak to him. I'm really tired of running and chasing him and he's not even noticing. He's the only person who can give me that feeling ...
I'm really addicted to the way I feel when I think of you. Seriously? One week ago, I was starting to forget him and now, I miss him more than ever? I don't think it's a crush anymore ...
I love him. He's my happiness.

Words can never describe the ache that runs through my body when I'm missing him.

I miss you as soon as I wake up. I miss you when I'm about to sleep. I wish you're always here next to me. I don't think the day will come and call you officially mine. I can't believe I'm saying this but I don't think you're mine.

Ugh.

Well ... Basically, I don't know whether to break down and cry or just stay strong ...

He's my whole wild world. I'm addicted to seeing him. I'm addicted to the way I feel towards him. I love him to death. He's just my everything. He's my infinite and beyond. I'm not okay. I miss him.

I'm always thinking of you. I'm not okay. I'm not fine. I'm finally admitting that I can't live without you.
You will never think of me the way I think of you. And that kills me every single day.

You're the person who whenever friendzones me, I play it cool. But it hurts as hell inside me. It's like taking a sharp knife and twisting it into my weak and already shattered heart. You're the person whenever you update your profile picture, I save it just because I'm addicted to the way way you smile. I know I'm annoying sometimes but the love I feel towards you isn't just little feelings that'll eventually go away, it's more than that. It's like there's a long rope that ties my heart towards you. I'm clingy but only because I'm obsessed with you. It's like a little girl who's in love with her dream pop star. You're my shooting star.
You're my everything. But I loved you way too much. I'm wrong for that. I'm extremely sorry.

Maybe we'll meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic. I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me. But right now, I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart.

   Dear Him,

Well ... You've lost a girl that always puts you first no matter what. You've lost a girl who only listens to romantic music just to remember you. You've lost a girl that always loved you. You've lost a girl that misses you terribly every night and cries herself to sleep. You've lost a girl who always protected you secretly. You've lost a girl whenever she sees you her heart pounds fast and her stomach starts making whale noises. You've lost a girl whenever she thinks of you she gets butterflies. You've lost a girl who always cares about you and loves you no matter what. You've lost a girl who her heart has been broken several times and she fixes it back with duct tape knowing that it'll get broken again and again. You've lost a girl who always dreamed of you. You've lost a girl that she dreams to be just a close friend to you. You've lost a girl who always goes to all the parties just to see you. You've lost a girl who gets panicked when she speaks to you, terrified to say anything awkward or wrong. You've lost a girl who always feel secure when you're around her. You've lost a girl who writes your name with little letters everywhere. You've lost a girl that smiles shyly when she hears your name. You've lost a girl who always stared at you whenever you're looking away or smiling. You've lost a girl who takes secret pictures of you when smiling. You've lost a girl who always starts the chat and always thinking of topics. You've lost a girl that every quote she reads, reminds her of you. You've lost a girl who's always trying to get your attention. You've lost a girl who always tries her best to impress you.
You've lost a girl who LOVES you.

You've lost ME.

I'm sorry for everything.

I Love You.

Love,
Your Lover.