Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Six |

Dear Diary,

I miss him more every minute. I'm beginning to think to start the conversation with him but honestly, I don't want to start the conversation.

I wish he would just say "Hey."

Does he miss me? Even if as a sister? Does he even remember my existence? Why me?

I need to move on.

I've loved him for 7 months and 5 days and that's just wrong. He knows I love him and we've spoken about it before.

I'm tired.
I'm broken.
I'm every word
you can find
that means the word "pain"
but I'm still here.
I will find my way out of the dark.
Somehow, someday.
Soon.

Missing him comes in waves, tonight I'm drowning.

The exchange of words had came like this:

Me: "Heyy, when you come online tell me because I want to tell you something.."

A plod hour later...

Him: "Am I late? I'm online now."

Me: "Just about time actually."

Him: "Okay, say whenever you're ready."

Me: "Okay, here it goes, well.. I know that my friend told you that I like you.."

Him: "Wow. Um. Yeah. It's okay everyone has feelings towards the other."

Me: "I just wanted to make sure everything is fine between us and that we're still buddies and friends. It's just a bit embarrassing saying this but I felt like we're a bit awkward and I just wanted to know that we're good and what not."

Him: "Yeah, of course. We're friends forever remember?"

Me: "Yeah :). I just get panicked when talking to you."

Him: "YOU THOUGHT THAT I'M GOING TO FREAKING FRIENDZONE YOU? HELL NAH! Nothing can ever break a friendship of mine especially ours except with a wrecking ball! You don't have to panic. I'll get this thought out of my mind and just pretend I don't know."

I was kind of speechless in the beginning then I answered.

Me:
"Thank you for understanding me <3."

Him:
"My pleasure <3."

Then we kept talking about other topics until 4:00 AM. This was our first successful chat after I started getting these feelings towards him.

I just need to forget about him but honestly, I don't know how to.

I tried moving on seven different times but it just seems harder each time. I once ignored him for two weeks, without starting the chat. My friends and I and his friends and him, we have a group on Whatsapp and I tried not talking to him on there and at school, whenever he's beside me I would just awkwardly look away!

It was hard.

Really hard.

To be honest, I'm not sure what to do anymore.

But I know the right decision is to forget him.

It's been said that you only truly fall in love once. But I don't believe that. Every time I see him, his beautiful eyes, I fall in love all over again.

I can't wait until his birthday to get him something.

Ugh. Again, I'm thinking of buying him a gift.

Moving on will be one of the hardest decisions I will ever have to face.

I could distance myself from him but I want to be "cool buddies" as he says.

I don't want to love him more than a brother, I just want to be friends. I just wish that I could have a great friendship with him. Especially since he's coming to my class in September and I still have yet to move on.

A million guys can tell a girl that she is beautiful, but the only time she'll listen is when it's said by the guy she loves.

And suddenly, all the love songs were about you.

You imagine yourself and someone in those love songs. You notice how love feels and how they express it, and it's how you feel as well. You see that everything is happier, prettier, lovelier.

Better. Just overall better. The world seems like a better place with dancing flowers and happy singing suns all day.

The problem is that when I met him, I found myself.

My decision, again, is just to move on ...

But how?

Please tell me.

But again, the heart wants what it wants.

Love,

Your Not - So Secret Lover.

________________________________________