Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Five |

Dear Diary,

I had a dream last night that terrified me, chilling my bones. It completely paralyzed me.

We all went out, my friends, him, his friends, and I. Then he told me we could go to a place only if his crush joins us. I was so confused and surprised, I didn't know he had a crush. My heart felt like it had broken into a million pieces.

The dream makes no sense but it made all the sense to my heart. Even in my dreams, he did not want me. He did not want me to be his.

When I woke up I kept telling myself, it's just a dream. He doesn't have a crush, it's just a dream.

Have you ever met someone and they're so freaking perfect in every way? Maybe they aren't perfect to everybody, but to you they're just absolutely amazing. They way they laugh, smile, talk, think, look and just everything about them and everything they do just keeps amazing you. I guess that's falling in love.

She didn't believe in love but she fell in it anyway.

Love will fuck you up more than drugs ever will. Stay away from it for the better.

The problem is I love him everyday and more than anyone else can or have. I love him. I love him.

The problem with him is he never starts chats, I always have to start it and I haven't been speaking to him since last Sunday. Today is Friday. I am used to talking to him every single day. I am also afraid to start the conversations. I do not want to look desperate even though I secretly am. I do not want to text him while he's doing something important and he can't reply. I do not want to text him when he's angry or he might take it out on me.

But when I see him in school I say hi or just smile and he says, "Hey, how are you?"
and then we both walk away.

Honestly, I don't know what to do anymore.

I miss him everyday, every minute, every second he's on my mind.

He's slowly fading away from me and I just do not know what to do. I want him to be mine.

I try speaking to him but his answers are short and weird. I just want to have a normal, good conversation with him, even if it is as just friends.

Last Thursday, my friends and I went out and he was going join. He finally did but he was a little late.

We had exchanged simple hi's and I had to go. My friends and I did.

He offered to take my friends and I to the door and out of the building we were hanging at.

We were walking, him and I completely silent. Escalators then came into our view and he had helped me get down them. I was in, and still am, a wheelchair due to my muscles weakness.

After that we stood outside the door until my friend's mother came to pick us up and he was there with us.

We talked for a little while waiting for her mother. Him and I took the cutest picture together, making my whole week the best. The best year, correction.

He touched my shoulder by accident and I felt a shiver down my spine. It was beautiful!
I will never forget that moment for as long as I live.

I love him.

Why can't he love me?

Love,

Your Secret Lover.