Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Thirty - Six |

Dear Diary,

Overthinking.

I keep overthinking about everything and anything. He hasn't quite read my diary yet, and I think he's not planning to. The problem is, I'm scared that I'll regret letting him read it but at the same time, I'm terrified that he might think I'm a little obsessive and not want to be my friend anymore. I'm overthinking about every possibility that could happen if he reads even one day of my diary.

How will he even react when he reads it? Will he be happy that someone thinks about him like this, or will he think I'm a creep and stop being my friend?

How will he be if he knows my true feelings? Will he be afraid or will he not care again?

Maybe he's not interested in reading it. He changes the subject when we speak about my diary. Maybe he's shy. Maybe he doesn't want to ruin our friendship.

The possibilities.

So many possibilities.

I'm not sure if he should read it or not, but then again, I'm overthinking too much.

I don't know what to do about this.
The only thing I know is I love him.

I learned that we get blind once we fall in love.

I've also learned that if you love truly, you'll die daily.

I'm scared of not having the opportunity to tell him later to read the diary. To give it to him. I'm too scared he'll hate me or be awkward with me or not have a friendship.
I don't think he's even interested.

Ugh.

Why am I overthinking this?

Why am I worrying too much?

"Loving can hurt. Loving can hurt sometimes. But it's the only thing that makes us feel alive."

Perfect.

Just perfect.

I always feel enthusiastic while talking to him no matter how awkward the conversation is.

The problem is, whenever we talk I fall in love over and over again.

People always ask me, "Do you still like him?" And honestly, I don't really know.
But, I do know there's just something about him that I can't let go.

I want to see him.

I want to talk to him.

These days I'm getting the feeling that he'll love me soon, but I'm sure it's not true. It's just my stupidity and desperation. I'm getting more hope of him loving me back. I can't get more hope, it'll just disappoint me even more.

Love; only love would make you do things you never thought you'd do.
You'd find yourself doing things that used to be scary.
You'd find yourself saying words that were never in your dictionary.
You'd find yourself being a person within a person.
Love edits the person you are.

Crying.
It's the only thing that makes me feel better. It makes me take all the anger out of me. All the broken pieces, fixing them back again.

Hope.
Gives me strength to love him even more.

Overthinking.
Makes me imagine that he'll love me someday.

Should I let him read the diary?

Or not now?

Ugh.

Eight days left, for officially loving him for a complete year.

20th August 2016.

Loving him was the best thing that ever happened to me. But my only wish, that he'll love me back.

Someday.

Dear Him,
You're always that one person that I've had feelings for since the moment I first laid my eyes on you. You have no idea how fast my heart races when I see you. Just by hearing your name I giggle. My face turns a bright shade of red when I remember our memories together. Only you can give me that feeling. You can't even imagine, how I'm feeling about you and I can't get you out of my head even for a single second all day long. I think I'll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the morning skies.
Everyone says, "You only fall in love once," but that's not true. Every time I look at you, I fall in love all over again. I fall in love every time you make me laugh. It's like my heart was thirsty for happiness for a long long time.
Well,
I love you.
I always have.
And I always will.
Bye.

Love,

Your Lover.