Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Tweleve |

Dear Him,
Sometimes I am quiet around you.
Not because I'm sad,
No.
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that if I start to talk, I won't be able to stop,
and I'm afraid that I'll say all of the things I'm not supposed to say and reveal all of the things that I promised I wouldn't.
Because I'm not supposed to feel this way,
and you are not supposed to know.
I sit in silence, giving you a closed-lip smile every so often to reassure you that I'm alright.
I know you worry.
I just can't open my mouth or I may tell you how amazing and handsome you look tonight.
I just can't open my mouth, or I may tell you that you invade my every thought throughout the day.
I just can't open my mouth, or I may tell you that I love you, love you more than you think I do.
So I smile, mouth closed.
And I go home, and I sob into the sheets of paper, because you are the subject of everything I write, despite how desperately I try to stop it - to stop all of this. Your name floods my mind and flows out with the ink, and it is out of my control
I'm sorry.
For what?
For missing you..
For loving you too much..
I'm sorry for wanting to see you everyday,
For always thinking about you before going to sleep,
For feeling upset if I don't see you,
For always wanting to be by your side,
I'm sorry for wanting to make you happy,
For wanting you to be a part of my life,
For trying to make you smile,
I'm sorry for thinking that you loved me,
For annoying you with my calls and messages.
I'm just..
Sorry for every single mistake I made.
I just wanted you to know this.
I want you to know that I have never felt more infinite than the moment before your smile touches my sight in an electric shock that could set the world aflame.
I love you.
Goodbye.

Dear Diary,

The problem is.. the word goodbye is too hard to say.
I just love him and it's too hard to say goodbye.

I love talking to him but I always feel that I'm annoying him.

I have learned the things he likes I'm starting to get to know them just to make an interesting conversation for him. He loves youtube and youtuber's the most so I have been so focused on learning them.

For him.

Unfortunately, we fall in love with people we can't have.

He was never in my vocabulary until one day, he became the only word I know ..

P E R F E C T

Really?

Do I love him that much?

I have to just move on and stop.

I love him so much.

Goodbye.

Love,

Your Lover.