Love Of A Teenage Girl ✔️

| Chapter Forty - Three | { Final }

Dear Diary,

Finally, I've felt calmed in the past two months. Finally, I've moved on. I've let go of him. I don't care anymore, we're friends and I finally understood that.

It's been two months not talking to him or chatting with him or even making eye contact even though he sits directly behind me in class but I seriously stopped caring. I don't love him anymore. Honestly, he deserves a lot but not all I've done. I've loved him too much, more than myself actually. Which made me weaker and had a lower self confidence and I'll never let a guy no matter who is he make me hate myself or make me think I'm worthless. I know he didn't do anything to make me feel worthless and hate myself but by loving him too much, being a bit friendzoned and not being loved back is hard enough to hate myself easily. I know it's not his fault and feelings aren't controlled and I shouldn't be blaming him but it's not my fault either that I loved him too much. I don't think it's anyone's fault, feelings could change you easily.

I've known for my entire life that a girl doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her. I think the scariest part of letting someone go is the thought that this exciting feeling of love is limited and will never happen again. As if love and all it's parts have been tainted with the essence of them and that no one, in the population of seven billion humans in this planet, can recreate the passion and tenderness that the two of you shared. Because what you had with the person was special — so special that all the butterflies inside of you were solely reserved for them.

Our first love will be the most painful lesson you will ever have to endure. The only problem with love is: you can love whoever you want but so can they. Life is short, nights are long and tonight I've moved on.

Every part of me is sick of him. I'm sick of constantly checking my phone, constantly crying, constantly being in heart dropping situations. I'm sick of my happiness depending on whether or not he pays attention to me. I'm sick of feeling like the whole world is going to collapse. I decided to bare myself all this pain I've been going through for years and just forget him and move on; honestly nothing is worth it anymore. I should start choosing myself because I'm sure if it was the other way around, he would've chosen himself in a heartbeat and honestly, that isn't fair to myself.

Once you've made the decision to move on, don't look back because you'll never find a future in the rear-view mirror. Don't ever be afraid to shine. Remember, the sun doesn't give a damn if it blinds you.

Maybe one day, I'll be what you need but don't wait too long. Because the day you want me, may be the day I've finally given up and karma said: you will fall in love with someone who doesn't love you, for not loving someone who did.

It hurts to let go but sometimes it hurts more to hold on. You're the book he never reads but he keeps you on his nightstand anyways.

And that's the end of our story, I loved him for two years and he didn't. We remained friends or maybe some strangers with hurtful memories but at the end, most importantly that I moved on. Not every story a girl dreams of but reality is an ugly truth and honestly speaking, happily ever after doesn't have to be like the ones in movies where the prince saves and kisses the princess and rides his horse into the sunset. Happily ever after could also mean choosing myself, loving myself, learning and growing throughout the years and having the ability to think clearly with my mind instead of heart.

At 00:00, she left.
But unlike Cinderella, she didn't leave a single thing behind.

Even though losing you hurt, letting go was a relief.

This is neither a sad story, nor a happily ever after. This is love, just the way it is.

{I needed to lose you, to love me} -Selena Gomez

Dear Him,
I've moved on and I feel sorry for you. Because I thought you were the most amazing guy in my world. If I could have any guy in the world, I still would have picked you. Now, you're just another part of my past, a memory more faded everyday. And someday, I'll find the one who I deserve, and he'll make me the happiest girl in the world just like you used to but at least it would be real this time. You're just a friend or even a stranger with so much memories, so much feelings and deep eye contacts with beautiful smiles. You were a beautiful time in my life, and if that's all you'll ever be then that's okay. Not all art are destined to hang on the same walls forever.
Have a nice life. I'm done trying to be in it. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that friends can always become lovers but lovers can never go back to being friends. It's just way too difficult to forget the past, the pain and the love that we went through, even if it was one sided.
When the sky turns pink and blue, I will not think of you. I will think of myself. You will keep searching for me in every person you meet. You will never find me again. The one who loved you the most, has gone, forever. Enjoy.

Love,

A Girl.

~The End.~