Dear You #Wattys2016

Fourth Letter

4th Letter

Dear You,

Siguro nakakaumay ng basahin ang mga pinagsusulat ko dito, this may be pointless to you or worthless but these letters Rafael contain words, memories, things we want to remember for the rest of our lives or maybe forget but still, it was our memories

The first day we had when we were so apart, nakauwi kana sa Manila and I'm just here in Pampanga, waiting for your texts. We've been texting since last night, hanggang ngayong gabi, we still texted

At dahil ikaw naman si tanga at walang magawa, we played the famous "21 Questions" wherein you ask me questions, I answer as honestly as possible. Ofcourse sabi mo mag papalitan tayo, tonight will be all about me asking you and tomorrow will be you asking me questions

I was damn curious about you Rafael, I remember asking you questions like

Me:

What are the top 5 of your bucket list?

Rafael John Madrigal:

1. Makagraduate

2. Magpatattoo ng kahoy sa likod ko pag may maganda ng trabaho

3. Magstay sa beach mag isa o kasama yung taong mahal ko

4. Gumawa ng libro tungkol sa babaeng religious na nainlove sa non- believer

5. Makahanap ng taong alam yong halaga ko

When I read it Raf, I smiled, a very sincere one. You were honest, well I think you were. Kahit ngayon alam kong that time, you were honest. Talagang magpapatattoo ka pa ng kahoy nun, I hated guys who have tattoos but like I said, you were my exception

Me:

Naks naman, sige next one. What are your hobbies ba? :)

Rafael John Madrigal:

Hmm.. Listening to music, drumming, Mahilig kase akong mag drums at gitara. Myembro kase ako ng banda, ako yung drummer nila

Right there and then Rafael, you caught me. I was interested, more interested. Bonus points sa akin ang mahilig sa musika, ano pa kaya pag parte ng isang banda? Nakakainlove ang mga lalakeng kumakanta, nag gigitara at nag drudrums o kahit piano basta may alam na instrument and you were that person Rafael. Yes, marami tayong similarities, parte na dun ang hilig sa musika

I also knew that you like coffee and spicy pero mas prefer mo yung gatas

You also loved chicken, you were a mama's boy which I found really cute, you were a non-believer of Christ but that didn't make me like you less, you liked the color black, you liked Matt Healy, Hunter Hayes, Chris Brown and a lot more music artists. You have a crush on Maria Ozawa which really made me laugh big time, I teased you pa nga eh. Masyado kang obvious, you also had a crush on Christine Reyes. Mahihilig ka sa mga mapuputi at sexy

It makes me wonder why you liked me, I was the total opposite of your crushes

You hated vegetables as much as I hated them

May injury ka sa right hand mo kaya di ka masyadong nakakasuntok don ng maayos. You are a big fan of spiderman and deadpool. You have a collection of the Avengers. Mahilig karin sa mga online games like DOTA and LOL

I could name a lot of things about you Rafael, about the things that you like. Ganun kita kakilala, ganun kita kinilala but I never thought I still have a lot more things to know about you

Layer pa lang pala yung pinakita mo sa akin, di pa yung laman

I wish I got to know you better pero di mo ako pinapapasok Rafael, you always hide me in your life. Akala ko dati alam ko na ang lahat sayo, from youself, parents and friends and also your ex pero di pa pala. Pinaniwala mo lang ako na alam ko na, pero di pa pala Rafael. Ang daming tinatago, ang dami mong kasinungalian

There it goes Rafael, one of the flaws in our relationship, di mo kase ako kayang pagkatiwalaan, I get you kase ako rin naman ganun din

We both have trust issues. Sinabe mo rin sa akin yan dati, that you have trust issues, on the second night that we were apart, di pa turn ko kase masyadong bitin yung sayo and you enjoyed being the person who answers kaya nagpatuloy tayo

You told me that you have trust issues, gaya ko. Pareho tayong niloko, pareho tayong ginamit ng mga kaibigan natin before. They took advantage of us kaya alam kong naging mahirap sayong pagkatiwalaan ako Rafael

I tried so hard para pagkatiwalaan mo ako, I trusted you para naman bigyan mo rin ako ng pagkakataong makilala ka at pagkatiwalaan mo but no Rafael, you pretended na tanggap mo na ako sa buhay mo pero yung totoo, you just showed me the skin and not the bone

Oo mahirap na niloko tayo. Pero di ko alam Rafael that being the person who knows how much it hurts, how hurting it is to be taken for granted, akala ko di mo na gagawin yun o di mo magagawa yon

Pero alam mo ang masaklap?

You took us for granted. You took me for granted. Ilang beses Rafael na pinaramdam mo sa akin or maybe that was my fault too because at some time I took us for granted

Akala ko kase di mo kayang gawin, akala ko kase buong puso mo ako tatanggapin at mamahalin, akala ko lang pala. Nagkamali pala ako

Di naman puro seryoso yung pinagusapan natin, I remember asking you stupid question, stupid that will make you laugh kase ganun ako eh, kalog ako, baliw ako

Me:

Choco na gatas o gatas na choco?

Rafael John Madrigal:

Both? hahaha

Me:

Apir? Disapir? One Half?

Rafael John Madrigal:

One fourth? Hahaha

Natawa pa ako ng sobra kase sinabayan mo pa talaga ako sa mga biro ko

Me:

Ilan ba ang gusto mong anak?

Rafael John Madrigal:

Pito hahaha

Me:

Ha?Pito? Grabe ka naman babe, di yan kaya ng matres ko. Magrereklamo ang matres ko nyan! HAHAHAHA!

There again, I tried calling you 'babe'. Wondering what will your reaction be pero di ko inaakalang sa reply mo ay mas lalong bibilis ang tibok ng puso ko para sayo

Rafael John Madrigal:

Okay lang yan babe, sabihin natin sa matres mo na kayanin niya. Hahaha, Mas gusto ko kaseng marami kase malungkot pag isa ka lang na anak. The more the merrier. Cutiee mo talaga babe ko

At my kiss mark na emoticon ka pa nun at heart emoticon

Di ko alam pero bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko, ayan na naman ang mga butterflies in the stomach and fireworks in the eyes. I know better na sinasabayan mo lang ako na dapat di ako magpaapekto

But I guess it was too late Rafael, everything was too damn late

-Amber