Dear You #Wattys2016

Tenth Letter

10th Letter:

Dear You,

Like I've said a million times in these letters, you know a lot about me Raf. Maybe that is one of the reasons I find it hard to let you go. It's because I've grown to trust you and depend on you in some ways. I was comfortable sharing things with you, especially the most difficult one in my life. Although it wasn't the full details, I had to keep some for myself Raf and I guess that was the smartest move I've ever made in our relationship

Because if I have given you everything, then there will be nothing left of me now

You knew that I have issues in my life, trust issues because I have been left and betrayed by the people who I trusted the most and thought that if there will be people who can't betray me, it will be them. Ofcourse, they are my family

But I have been left Raf. People always leave

You know how much I cried because of my issue but you never knew my path. You never understood what I've been through

You pretended but you never really did listen

Magaling ka lang pag problema mo na ang pinag uusapan

Or maybe you were not that attentive kase di mo naman talaga nakita kung gaano ako kalugmok nung mga panahon na iyon

Nung mga panahong feeling ko ako lang mag isa

Yung mga panahon na feeling ko wala na akong pag asa pa at gusto ko nalang mawala sa mundong to

But you knew how much it pained me at alam mo ba kung ano ang mas worst?

Parangg wala lang sayo yun, yes you comforted me with words

Pero bakit di ko ramdam na totoong nagmamalasakit ka

When we talked about it, I know you just wanted me to forget it but I told you that because I wanted us to talk about it

That was the first time I let myself depend on you, I let myself drop my luggage but guess what?

You made me carrry it by myself again and ever since that day, I didn't want to talk to you about my personal problems anymore

Ano pang silbi? Di ka naman interesado

You were only interested to hear my worries about you, to hear my comfort for you pero pag ako ang nangailangan, bale wala nalang

Ngayon Rafael, ako ba talaga ang nagkulang? Ako lang ba talaga ang nagkamali?

Oo, I admit, I had my mistakes

But don't pretend you are innocent because as much as I messed up, you messed up big time too

The worst is, you broke my heart Raf

You broke my heart na wala namang ibang ginawa kundi mahalin ka

I tried every possible way to comfort you kung may problema ka, God knows how much I've tried to make you feel that I'm always here, handang makinig, handang umalalay. Alam ng lahat kung gaano ko gustong makasama ka in times when you are feeling down

I've always tried my best Raf but I guess my best wasn't enough for you

Hindi ako enough para sayo

-Amber