Not All Fun and Games

Chapter 51

"This is your fault."
Sonthia does not reply, but tries to get up again. I can see in her expression that she's in pain. Good.
This time, I let her sit up completely before kicking her back down.
"Do you think you can just walk away? Look around. You're surrounded," I say. "Without your weapons or your friends, you're weak."
Sonthia glares up at me, remaining silent.
"You killed my friend. Now I'm going to kill you." I search the ground for some kind of weapon. One of the grounder's knifes is lying nearby. I reach for it, but Octavia gets to it first.
"Clarke, stop," she orders.
"What? You don't think she deserves to die? After what she did?" Anger and adrenaline are pulsing through my veins.
"You need to take a moment to think," she says.
"Clarke's right," Murphy manages to choke out between sobs. "I want her dead."
"Give me the knife, Octavia," I say, growing impatient.
"This isn't you, Clarke. If you do this, you'll regret it. I know Kaytee wouldn't want that."
"How the hell would you know?" I snap. "You barely knew her. And now you'll never be able to. Thanks to her." I point at Sonthia. "Now give me the damn knife."
She shakes her head and I have to take a deep breath to stop myself from ripping the knife from her grip.
"Well what do you want to do with her?" I ask Octavia.
"Let's bring her with us."
"To Polis? And then what? Her people banish her again? We all know how that worked out last time." Maybe I'll regret killing Sonthia later, but right now, it seems like the right choice.

I feel a hand touch my shoulder, and I turn to see Bellamy.
"Octavia's right," he says softly. "Kaytee wouldn't want you to do something you'll end up regretting." His eyes are sympathetic.
"You don't know what Kaytee would want," I snap at him. "In fact, she'd probably still be alive if you hadn't tried to take the grounders on by yourself. She'd still be here if you didn't always have to play the hero." I shout and immediately regret my words. Bellamy's face goes pale and his eyes widen.
"Bellamy, I didn't mean that. It's not your—"
"No, you're right. It's not my place. Do what you want with her," he mumbles. He turns around and walks away, disappearing behind the thick trees.
"So what are we going to do?" Murphy asks, a serious look now replacing his tears.
"I don't know."
I don't feel like killing her anymore. My anger was replaced with sadness and guilt when I told Bellamy Kaytee's death was on him.
"I agree with Octavia," Jasper says. "Let's bring her to Polis. Her people will find a way to deal with her."
I nod. That seems like the best plan we have at the moment.
"Well, in the meantime..." Murphy says, picking up a big piece of wood from the ground. He walks towards Sonthia, then looks at me. "May I do the honours?"
I nod, and he knocks her out.

***

We spend the next hour recovering from the attack. Six were killed, including Kaytee, and eight were injured. I removed the arrow from Murphy's shoulder and wrapped his arm in a bandage. He didn't say anything the entire time. Either he's still in shock or he just doesn't feel like talking. Honestly, neither do I.

I didn't have that many friends on the ark. Wells was pretty much my only friend. I spent most of my time either studying, reading or working part-time as a nurse. Down here, I made more friends. Octavia, Jasper, Monty... and Kaytee. Even though I didn't know et as long asI knew the others, she was the one I felt closest to. She was fierce and courageous, but at the same time, she was generous and kind. I can only imagine what Murphy's going through.

Once everyone's injuries have been taken care of, I decide to look for Bellamy.
I find him crouched over a fire, blowing on it to make it grow.
"Hey," I say, crouching beside him.
"Hey," he mumbles, keeping his attention on the fire.
"Bellamy, I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it."
He takes his eyes off the growing flames and gives me an empty look. "Why should you be sorry? You were completely right. All I do is hurt people."
"What? Bellamy, you know that's not true," I tell him. "You were just trying to help."
"Well then I'm awfully bad at helping, aren't I?" His eyes are glossy.
I encase his hands in mine. "You made a mistake. That's all. It's not about what you did, it's about what you were trying to do. You risked your life for all of us. You were looking out for your people."
He pulls his hands away, looking back at the fire.
"We both know that's a bunch of crap. Me trying to 'look out for my people' ended up getting one of them killed. Stop being so easy on me, Clarke. I'm not a hero. I'm a monster."