Stumbling through the dark

There's Nothing I Want To Talk About.

Niall screamed and thrashed, his arms flaying about, knocking every thing off his bedside table. Chris, his stepdad, grabbed  him, desperately trying to get him to wake up but Niall continued to yell and scream, struggling in his fear to escape  from his stepfather's arms.  Slowly the spell was broken and Niall gradually came to and looked at Chris with a confused expression on his face. He lay still in Chris's hold, limp and sweaty. Chris guided Niall to a sitting position and Maura held out a glass of water. Niall took it from her but his hands were shaking so much it was slopping everywhere. Chris took it from him and carefully  held the glass  to Niall's mouth, helping him to drink, Niall turning his head away after a few sips.

"M'sorry" he murmured, embarrassed. "I must have had a bad dream. I'm sorry I woke you"

"Bad dream?" Chris said "Niall, that was more than a bad dream. We had terrible trouble getting you to wake up. Just what were you dreaming about for you to be so terrified"

"I..ergh ..I   ....I don't know. I can't remember" Niall lied There was no way he wanted to talk about it. Please, please don't ask me, he thought.

"Niall James Horan" Maura said firmly "If you think you can lie to me, you have another think coming. You can't lie to save your life. Now, what was that dream about?"

"Ma, leave it" Niall said sharply

"No!" Maura retorted

"Ma, Please" Niall pleaded. "I don't want to think about it.  I don't want to talk about it. Please ,Ma"

"Maura, maybe we should discuss this in the morning. Now isn't the time" Chris said placatingly. "Niall, you go grab a quick shower and we'll change your sheets. They're soaked with sweat". Niall nodded gratefully and hurriedly left the room. Chris waited until he heard the  shower running then turned to Maura "Whatever it was, he was more than terrified. But I don't think he's going to be too willing to tell us". He pulled the sweat soaked sheets off the bed as he spoke then moved out of the way to allow Maura to remake the bed. "He's not one for sharing his worries" Chris continued.

"Always  did hide stuff. Never wanted anyone to make a fuss. It's his way. He was like it right from a baby" Maura said reflectively, recalling all the times when Niall had been ill  or worried, yet pretended he was fine. "Chris, I don't know what to do. My baby needs help and I don't know where to begin". Tears filled Maura's eyes and Chris immediately wrapped a comforting arm around her.

"We'll figure it out, love, but we'll need to be patient. Come on, you get back to bed. I'll make sure Niall is OK and settled again". Chris gently but firmly shooed Maura from the room then sat on Niall's bed , waiting for the young blond to return.

"Oh" Niall stopped in the doorway "I thought you'd gone back to bed". Niall wrapped the towel more firmly around his hips then searched around for something to put on. He finally found some sweats and slid them on under cover of the towel before rubbing his hand absentmindedly through his tousled hair. He turned his eyes towards his stepfather who was eying him with a thoughtful expression. Chris cleared his throat then spoke, choosing his words carefully.

"Ni, I understand you might not want to talk but your Ma is worried about you. I'm worried about you. I ..we...want you to know that you can talk to us about anything. Anything" he repeated. Niall looked at him then down at the floor.

"Chris, I appreciate that, I really do, but there's nothing I want to talk about. Thanks for earlier but I'd like to go to sleep now" Niall stood and looked down at Chris who took the hint and stood himself.

"I meant it, Ni" he said. Niall just nodded and turned away. Chris shook his head and left. Niall wasn't going to talk . Chris respected Niall was a grown man and had the right to privacy but he had grown very fond of his young stepson and hated to see him in this state. He sighed.

Once Chris had left, Niall realised that he wasn't going to sleep any time soon , so he powered up his laptop once more . He sat in thought for a few moment then started to google information on Chemotherapy.  Caoimhe was right, it wasn't going to be a picnic. Niall shuddered to himself as flashbacks from his nightmare pushed into his mind once more. But was MS in it's final stages any better? And how long would it be before he had his next flareup. Anything could be a trigger. Illness. Stress. Stress! He had enough of that at the moment. He gently rubbed his tummy as an uncomfortable feeling rumbled around his insides.Pressing gently, he flinched slightly as his stomach hurt. Not much, but it was there. Avoid stress! That's what he was told. Relax! Yeah, he was going the right way about that too. He was a mess.

The laptop rested across his knees, temporarily ignored as Niall let his mind wander over thoughts and feelings. He wanted someone to talk to, someone who would really understand, someone who cared. Someone. Who am I trying to kid, he told himself, it isn't just anyone I want to talk to. It's Zayn. Zayn who's changed his phone number. Zayn who's left the country. Zayn who promised he'd be there for me. He broke that promise, Niall thought grimly . He promised. Niall's thoughts grew increasing bitter. Zayn! Wait, he couldn't phone Zayn but....Niall hurriedly signed into Skype and scrolled through his list of contacts.