Stumbling through the dark

You F.cking Knew!

"Is Niall OK?" Liam sidled up to Louis and spoke quietly into his ear as he kept his eyes on Niall who was huddled into a corner of the couch, staring blankly ahead of himself.

"Honest answer? I don't know" Louis responded frowning as he followed Liam's gaze. "He's been very quiet since we restarted the tour. The doc cleared him health wise but something's not right. I dunno, mate. Maybe we should try talking to him"

"Tried. Got brushed off" Liam admitted. "He said he was fine . Maybe he's just missing Aoife?"

"Nah, it's more than that. " Louis said "Maybe Harry'll have more luck. I'll speak to him after soundcheck"

"Lads, they are ready for you" A stage hand stuck his head around the door and Liam and Louis walked out slowly followed by Niall who seemed to be locked in some sort of daze.

Robbie gave them the thumbs up. "Great lads. You guys go get some rest before tonight. Niall, the Doc  wants to do your medication now so if you'll get over to the bus, he can get it sorted" Robbie waved at them before turning back. He was part of the Management team the boys had signed up to when they had finished their hiatus all those years ago and was very popular with the lads, becoming more of  a personal friend than  Management.

Niall walked over to the tour bus and entered quietly. The doctor was waiting for him, the IV stand all ready for Niall's weekly infusion of the drug that now was the only thing that kept the MS from progressing. Niall shuddered. Even after going through Chemo all those years ago, having had many blood transfusions and now the weekly IVs, he still hated needles. He smiled at the doctor that Management had arranged to tour with them and settled himself down on the couch.

"Comfy?" Doctor Radcliff asked and got a nod in response. He cleaned up  the canula  site with an antiseptic wipe,  and slide the IV needle ,in making Niall hiss slightly, then adjusted the drip. "You know the drill, take a nap and it'll be done in no time." The doctor picked up a light throw and covered Niall before sticking a softer pillow behind his head. Niall obediently closed his eyes and the doctor cast an experienced eye over the drip before retreating to a near by chair and picking up his book, read quietly .

Niall stayed asleep when the machine beeped, signalling the end of the treatment. The doctor quietly and carefully disconnected everything, placing a bandaid over the small puncture wound left by the canula.That done, he used Niall's relaxed sleep to check his temperature and blood pressure which were all normal, much to his relief. He'd noticed Niall becoming more withdrawn as the tour went on but could find no reason for it. He'd just make sure he kept an eye on Niall as he had been warned by Management that Niall was one for downplaying every illness and hiding problems.

"Ni? NIaller?" Harry spoke softly, not wanting to wake up his sleeping band mate too abruptly.He gently shook Niall's shoulder"

"Mmmh, M'awake" Niall opened his bleary eyes. "What's the time?"

"6:30pm. Time to eat then get ready for the concert" Harry helped Niall sit then pulled him up from the couch. "Come on, let's go eat" He kept an arm over Niall's shoulder as they walked towards the Stadium. "I think 'Irish Stew' is on the menu" and smiled as Niall's eyes lit up. Once they had collected their plates of food, Harry sat down opposite Niall and wondered how to approach the conversation. Liam and Louis had come to him while Niall was asleep and expressed their concerns, explaining Niall had brushed them both off and asking Harry to try. Harry reluctantly agreed though he did think that Liam, as Daddy Direction, was better at this type of thing. He sighed internally. Better get this over with.

"Ni?" Niall raised his eyes from his plate and looked up, waiting for Harry to continue. "What's bothering you, mate?"

"Nuthin' " Niall said, looking down again.

"Niall!" this time Harry's voice held a slight tone of warning, making Niall sigh and put down his cutlery.

"Just got a lot on my mind. Nothing for you guys to worry about" Niall said quietly.

"Then if it's nothing to worry about, you won't mind sharing" Harry countered.

"All right, all right" Niall caved in. "The person who left flowers  on Caoimhe's grave and the  person who sent Aoife the locket are the same person"

"OK, you said that before, so.....?"

"The night before we left for this tour, I found a letter written to me years ago. It was in the very same handwriting" Niall paused and looked into Harry's face " It was...it was Zayn". It seemed to Niall like the world had become totally silent as all background noise appeared to disappear as he studied Harry's suddenly sombre  face that held absolutely no hint of shock or surprise. Harry merely nodded though he was inwardly cursing. None of them had ever dreamed that Niall would recognise Zayn's writing after all these years . They'd tried to keep it from Niall and thought they'd succeeded . Damn!

."You knew!" Niall suddenly erupted into anger "You f.cking knew!" His chair fell over as he stood up rapidly and raced from the room, Harry staring after him . Now the sh*t had truly hit the fan.. He hurried after him. By the time Harry had caught up with him, NIall had Louis up against the wall and was shouting at him, every other word a curse. Liam was trying to calm the Irishman down but Niall was incandescent with rage. He felt betrayed. His band members had known all along and kept it from him. They were his mates, his brothers. And he had trusted them. Niall  gave Louis a final glare then, pushing Liam out of his path, hurried from the room back towards the tour bus. He flung himself onto the couch . He sat  there, staring at the ceiling, willing himself to calm down. How could they? They knew, all this time and they hid it from him. What else were they hiding?. He wanted answers but they would have to wait. Taking some deep, calming breaths, Niall returned to the Stadium. 

Niall quietly dressed for the show, ignoring all attempts that the other three men made to engage him in conversation. He kept away from the boys on stage, moving away from them if any of them got too close. He waved to the fans and smiled but it was a struggle. He knew he had to try and act a bit more like his normal self but  he felt so betrayed by those he had trusted.

Show finished, Niall didn't wait for the others, he went straight back to the bus, trying to organise his thoughts. He wanted answers and he wanted them now. The boys had better be prepared to tell him the truth or he was walking. He couldn't work with them if they were constantly hiding things from him. Niall chewed his fingernails nervously as he huddled on the couch awaiting the return of the other three. He didn't have to wait long.

"Just what have you three been f.cking hiding?" Niall snarled at them as they stood looking at them