Stumbling through the dark

One Day At A Time, Bro

Louis pulled his hoodie right down over his face and shoved his hands into his pockets, making sure no tattoos were on display. His face now shadowed, he scanned the hall as the new arrivals from Los Angeles came through. He soon caught sight of Zayn, recognising him  despite the heavy, hooded jacket   he was wearing. Louis grinned. It was obvious the teenage girl , who was wearing a OneD tee  and walking just two feet from him, .had no idea that one of her possible heartthrobs was only inches away. Zayn looked up and spotting Louis , walked over. They stood just looking at each other until Louis said "come 'ere , bro" and pulled Zayn into a tight hug. They broke apart and Louis led the way to the car.

"Is it for sure that Niall has MS ? " Zayn asked. He was hoping that he'd misheard or that it was a mistake, even though he knew it wasn't.

"Yes" Louis replied."I was with him when he got the results of all the tests. He's not doing great Zayn. We are all worried about him. He won't talk about it"

"I was hoping......but " Zayn shook his head and lapsed into silence. Louis glanced at him, waiting to see if he would continue but Zayn just stared out of the window, a closed expression on his face. Louis sighed internally and concentrated on negotiating the heavy traffic.He hoped that relationships with Zayn were not going to be too strained. With all the worry over Niall, he doubted anyones nerves would stand it. He still hadn't told Harry and Liam that he had actually made the call to Zayn. He knew they had not really in favour when he mentioned he would,  but he felt that Zayn deserved to be kept in the loop. And Zayn was the first person Niall had called when he was scared.

"Do you want to stay at mine or go to your own place" Louis finally asked. 

"Your place......please" Zayn responded " I'm..ah... I'm not sure if Perrie has taken all her stuff out. I don't think bumping into her would be so great right now." 

""Yeah, right. OK, my place it is" Louis moved into the correct lane of traffic and headed towards his own home. 

Zayn carried his suitcase up into the guest room before coming down and sitting with Louis. They both sat in silence until Louis decided that they would both have to break down the barriers between them if they were to be any help to Niall.

"That's it, I'm phoning Harry and Liam. We need to talk this out" Louis said firmly. He quickly called both and asked them to come over immediately, that it was very important. Both agreed .

"You didn't tell them I was here. Why not?" Zayn queried "They aren't going to like it"

"I don't care if they don't f.cking like it. This is for Niall. And maybe we all need to have this talk. You skipped out on us.You didn't even talk to us. How do you think it felt? You were in the band one minute then you were gone. You didn't talk to us, you just walked out. Do you know how broken we were? How Niall felt? Oh, the fans thought he didn't care but we knew different. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep. We had to force him on stage every night because he said he couldn't do it without you. We need to talk about this. YOU need to talk about it" Louis' voice was raised in anger .

"I couldn't talk to you, Louis, it's complicated  I just couldn't take it anymore. I was dying inside. I didn't mean to hurt any of you. Look, remember when I flew out to LA? I really was sick, bro. I wasn't faking. The Doctor  there told me I had severe depression. They gave me pills but...I stopped taking them and it got worse. I needed to get home, to Perrie. To work out the mess but even that failed. I...." Zayn looked at Louis, tears sliding down his cheeks.

"And you think we wouldn't listen to you? Bro, we would have supported you.You could have told us" Louis' voice was quiet now, softer." We'd have understood."

"Lou, something else  happened. I can't tell you, can't talk about it. But believe me, I did try"

"Zee, I wish you could just tell me., tell us. I...." The ringing of the doorbell interrupted whatever Louis was about to say and by the time he returned with Harry and Liam, the moment was lost.

Harry and Liam stood in the doorway and looked open mouthed at the man sat on the couch, his cheeks still tear stained. Harry was the first to move and went and gave Zayn a brief hug. Liam followed suit before they all sat down. The silence in the room seemed to grow thicker and thicker until Zayn broke it. " I'd like to visit Niall, if you don't mind"

"I'll take you over tomorrow. He's got an appointment to see the Neurologist again so sort out medication and stuff. If he's OK about it, maybe you can go with him." Harry  said " I think he'll be happy to see you, to be honest, he took your leaving the band very hard. He tried not to show it and he fooled the fans, but not us.  Harry paused before continuing on so quietly it was barely audible "no, he couldn't fool us".

Louis slowly guided the conversation around to how everyone felt about Zayn leaving the band. Zayn opened up to a point, told them about the depression but when questioned too closely, insisted that some things he couldn't talk about and begged them not to push him. He looked close to the edge so Liam switched the conversation to Zayn's forthcoming album and their own 5th album and talk remained neutral for the rest of the evening.

The next morning, Niall was sat quietly, listening to the pounding rain. He thought he heard his security gates sliding out but when he got up and looked, he couldn't see through the very heavy rain. He must have been mistaken, he thought ,as he sat back down. The doorbell then rang, and his eyebrows drew together in puzzlement. He wasn't expecting anyone apart from Harry  and he had a key. He ignored it. Then his phone rang and Zayn's name came up on the caller ID

"Bro, let me in. I'm getting soaked" a thick bradford accent complained.

"Where are you?" 

"On your doorstep. Come on, let me in before I drown"

Niall raced to the door, skidding slightly on the polished floor. He threw  open the door and flung himself at Zayn.

"Bro. Can't. Breath" Niall released Zayn , grinning broadly and pulled him across the threshold.

"Zee, when did you get here? I didn't know you were coming" Niall put down mugs of tea then sat opposite Zayn, smiling.

"It was kinda spur of the moment , Ni. How are you, anyway?"

"I'm just great. Looking forward to going home to Ireland and looking from a home there. Maybe doing a little backpacking. A sort of gap year" 

"Ni, I know. You don't have to pretend" Zayn looked Niall in the eyes. "After you rang me that night, I rang Louis. We had words but he did ring me back a few days later and he  told me. Niall looked down at the floor , refusing to hold Zayn's gaze. "Bro..?" Zayn said quietly

"I...I don't know I can do this Zayn. What did I do wrong to get this? I don't think I can live this way. What if it gets worse? And it will, it's progressive" Niall sounded and looked so miserable that Zayn felt pain in his heart. He wanted to be able to protect Niall from this but he couldn't. Somethings in life just couldn't be stopped. He moved so he was kneeling on the floor right in front of Niall.

"Ni, you have to stop looking at what might happen. You don't know it will progress. The medication will help and they do research the whole time. They may turn up a cure. " Zayn tried to sound positive.

"Zee, what if I end up in a wheelchair. What if it gets worse than that? What if I can't tour again"

"That's too many "what if's" Niall. One day at a time, bro. Let's take this one day at a time. Zayn stood and pulled Niall up with him. "Let's go play FIFA and I'll even let you beat me"

"You wish" Niall responded heading down to his games room.