Stumbling through the dark

Wounded Souls

Got everything?" Liam wanted to know as he finished stuffing some sweats into a Nike backpack. Louis scanned his hospital room quickly before nodding. "OK, let's go". Liam headed towards the door, Louis trailing behind. "Wanna go see Nialler?" Liam asked Louis who shook his head. "Louis, mate, you can't avoid him. What's the problem?"

"I can't Li. Last time I saw him I lost it. I tried to say sorry, fell apart, and ended up being taken from the room. What if he doesn't want to see me?" Louis was sombre.

"Mate, he does want to see you. He's been asking when you were going to visit him. He understands you've not been too great yourself but you can't avoid him, mate. " Liam replied equally seriously. "He needs you. Come on, he won't bite"

"Drop it, Li" Louis snapped. Liam mentally sighed." Maybe later. Let's get out of here"

"You're doing great, Niall" the Physical Therapist encouraged he supported Niall. He had helped Niall sit on the side of the bed then stand. "You'll feel very wobbly but I promise you won't fall". He carefully guided Niall around the bed until they had reached the opposite side. "Right, sit down and I'll help you back into bed".

"That was a bit pointless" Niall was puffing slightly. "All I did was get out of one side of the bed, walk round it and get in the other side"

"And you're exhausted. Admit it!" the PT laughed at his patient. "Seriously Niall, you've been in bed for some time. It's going to be a slow, steady progress back to normal. You'll be back to playing golf in no time. We'll do it again later today, add a bit more tomorrow. Give those lazy muscles a shake up .And it looks like we finished just in time. You have visitors. See you later." He smiled at Niall as he left.

"Li, Lou" Niall grinned at his two bandmates. "Lou, how are you feeling? You OK now?" Niall's eyebrows pulled together slightly as he studied Louis' face, concerned at the withdrawn expression on his features.

"Yeah" Louis said quietly then lapsed into silence, leaving Liam and Niall to chat back and forth. Niall exchanged a worried glance with Liam who mouthed 'Later' at Niall.

"So...how's it going?" Liam wanted to know trying to maintain an air of normalacy despite the strained atmosphere.

"Good. Better. I can eat a little without it coming straight back up and look.." Niall pulled his green beanie off his head showing  the starts of a soft down of hair covering his head. He grinned at the other two men.

"Ni, it's coming in blond! Would you believe it! You'll save time and money , no more dye needed" Liam said cheerfully making Niall giggle. His laughter abruptly ended as he saw Louis shudder then race from the room. Niall stared after him, looking upset. What was wrong?

"I'll be back in a mo" Liam rubbed Niall's thin arm, hating the look of hurt on his bandmates face.

Louis was sat on the floor, back against the wall,  his head on his knees and his arms wrapped tightly around his legs. Liam quietly sat down beside him, arm flung over his shoulders. He didn't speak, just sat in silence with Louis and waited patiently.

"M'sorry" Louis finally mumbled not even raising his head to look at Liam.. "I just can't do this Li. I can't. You talking about hair dye and all I could hear was die. Li, he nearly died and I'd been such a tw*t to him. I didn't give him the support he needed. He hates me".

"Lou, he doesn't hate you, mate. But he is hurt. He doesn't understand why you aren't talking to him. You've just run out on him and he doesn't know why. Bro, talk to him. Please?". Louis shook his head ."Come back in?" Liam persisted "He needs you."

"No, you go. I'll see you back home". Liam stood and looked down at Louis who didn't speak again. Sighing quietly, Liam returned to Niall, wondering what the h*ll he was supposed to do now.

Niall looked up anxiously as Liam came into the room. He peered past him, frowning when he couldn't see Louis. His frown turning to an expression of confusion and hurt as Liam sat down on the foot of his bed. "Li?" he said quietly.

"I dunno' Nialler. He's got it into his head that you hate him. He feels bad about the fight we all had over your treatment. When you nearly died, it finished him. He's wracked by guilt Ni, and he won't listen to me or Harry. I don't know what to do, mate". Liam looked sadly at Niall who now looked thoroughly miserable. Niall rolled onto his side, facing away from Liam and curled himself into a little ball. "Hey, Nialler" Liam said softly.

"Go away, Liam......................please" was the whispered response. Liam stood up, shoulders slumped and left the room, wondering yet again, how had things gone so badly wrong. What on earth was he supposed to do? He'd always been the one who had sorted out and fixed all the bands problems. He was Daddy Direction. But right now, Liam was at a complete loss.

"Very satisfactory, Niall. Very satisfactory" Dr Peters finished examining Niall . "Things are really moving the right way now." Niall nodded glumly in response. "So why the long face? We will be able to move you back to a normal room any day now. You should be happy". Niall shrugged. "Care to enlighten me? What's wrong?" His tone changed from cheerful to compassionate, seeing his patient was genuinely becoming depressed.

"It's Louis. He's ignoring me and I don't know why? I don't know what I've done wrong. We disagreed about me having this treatment  but that's over and done now. I want him to forgive me for being stubborn and not listening to how he felt but Liam says Lou's feeling guilty. Doesn't he see it doesn't matter?  He promised me. He promised........."

"Niall, it's always been my experience people often find it much harder to accept being forgiven that it is to forgive others. Don't give up on him.  Now, get some rest. Things will seem less daunting when you're not so tired".

"I've had enough, Louis!" Harry put his hands on the sides of the chair, keeping his friend trapped in armchair, his face inches away from Louis' stunned face as he shouted at him . "Just what is eating away at you? Are you angry that Niall almost proved you right by nearly dying or is it  because you're  too much of a coward to go face him?"

"Of course I didn't want him to die. But I told him he might die and that he was being selfish by going ahead with the chemo. And then he nearly did and it would have been my fault" Louis yelled back

"How'd ya work that one out?" Liam wanted to know." How could it have been your fault?"

"I...well I...."

"Lou, you're the biggest f.cking tw*t out, you know that" Harry spoke more calmly . "Look, we all got mad at Ni. We all wanted the best for him and none of us were happy about what he'd have to go through. But Niall's a big boy. He made his own choice. He's had it rough but he's coming through it. Sending yourself on some massive guilt trip isn't what Niall wants or needs right now. Lou, he needs you. You're the one whose kept him going when  others let him down. Niall depends on you. Don't let him down, mate. Just think about it". Harry straightened up and  beckoned Liam towards the kitchen. "Let's give him some space to think things through, he whispered.

Niall yawned and stretched. He wasn't quite sure at what point he had fallen asleep. He pressed the control on the bed raising the back until he was sitting up when a small sound caught his attention. "Lou?"

"Hey Nialler" Louis responded quietly, not quite meeting Niall's gaze. " I..ah..how are you?"

"M'good. You?" Niall felt awkward. Just what should he say to Louis. It was obvious the older man felt uncomfortable being there. 

"I'm sorry" their two voices said simultaneously and together  two wounded souls began to heal.