Stumbling through the dark

"D*mn Milkshake!"

Niall woke up with Jacey wrapped tightly in his arms, his face lit by an angelic smile as he remembered the previous night. It had been perfect. And more of the tiny cracks in his heart felt like they had been glued back together. He continued to hold her tight, content to wait for her to wake up. He wanted these moments before she woke up. They had got lost in each others arms and in each other. He thought back over their love making then suddenly got hit by panic as he remembered everything . What had he done? He'd allowed himself to get carried away . Guilt washed over him. He'd thought with his body and not his head. He hadn't expected it to happen. Hadn't been prepared. What is he'd made her pregnant.? He closed his eyes in horror.

Jacey slowly opened her eyes and looked up into Niall's face. His eyes were closed but he was awake. She felt the tension in his muscles. "Morning , handsome" she whispered and kissed him gently on the lips. His blue eyes flew  open but he didn't lean into the kiss. He pulled back.

"I'm so sorry. I....Last night was...." he sounded scared, broken.

"Perfect. Last night was perfect" Jacey broke in. " It was wonderful, you are wonderful"

"You don't regret it? I shouldn't have...I didn't... I didn't use protection" Niall sounded as distressed as he felt.

"Niall, look at me." Jacey said firmly "I don't regret it. Don't you regret it either. It was a wonderful night. I love you. Please don't spoil it for us , for me, by wishing we hadn't."

"But what if I made you pregnant" Niall whispered.

"Niall, I'll probably never be able to have a baby. It's not impossible but it's medically unlikely. Don't rob me of the joy of a wonderful night. Please?' Jacey begged and watched Niall's face. He bent his head so their foreheads touched then he started to press soft kisses against her lips as he cuddled her close.

"Right Niall, it looks like the new treatment has definitely slowed things down." James Caldwell said cheerfully. "That's a positive sign. Any more trouble with side effects?"

"Not really, I mean I'm not being sick when I eat now but I'm not hungry and can't seem to manage much food at one meal." Niall admitted.

"Yes, that is a problem. More so because you are very underweight . It would be better if we could get your weight uncreased by at least another 20 lbs or so. How about you get together with our Nutritionist and see if we can come up with a better eating plan for you?" James raised an enquiring eyebrow as he looked across at Niall.

"Not keen but if you think I should" Niall slowly agreed.

"Good" James said "I think it will help. The problem is, I think, more due to your previous stomach issues rather than the MS but being physically healthier will benefit the control of your disease." He smiled when Niall nodded. "I'll get that arranged then." James made rapid notes on Niall's file.

"Apart from your physical health, how's life going for you these days?"

"Pretty good. Busy. The lads and I are talking about a new album. No more touring though. That's for youngsters" Niall grinned. James smiled because Niall still looked like he was barely out of his twenties and here he was talking like an old man, not one barely in his forties.

"Sounds productive. And your social life? What's happening there?"

Niall blushed and looked down at his hands shyly . "I'm sort of involved with someone"

"Jacey?" James asked, hiding a smile.It was no random guess. He'd seen them look at each other and Niall was far more deeply affected by Jacey than he was willing to admit ,though everyone who saw the pair together, knew it was just a question of time. Niall nodded, his face lit up at the mere mention of her name. James was pleased. It really was just what the doctor ordered. It was good for Niall, he thought. Someone to love and spoil him. To bring that extra slice of happiness into his life to add to that provided by his daughter and granddaughter. Yes, just what Niall needed.

"As you may be aware, MS can cause problems with intimacy" James said in a fact of fact way though Niall was obviously very embarrassed by the subject. " We can offer you suggestions if there is a problem in that area though Jacey, as  a doctor, will know how to deal with it" Niall just stared down at the floor, his face so crimson that even his small ears appeared to glow.

"No, everything's fine" Niall managed to choke out, embarrassment lacing every word.

" Good, then we don't need to worry about things in that department" James said brightly. " Well, as things are looking well enough for now, I'll get the appointment with the Nutritionist arranged and I will see you in three months time, unless you have any concerns. Just call if you do and we'll do our best to get it sorted." James and Niall both stood , shook hands, then Niall returned to the waiting room where Jacey was sat, waiting for him. Niall peeked quickly around the room and, seeing it was empty, pulled her in for a quick kiss.

A few weeks had passed and Niall was following the meal plans forced on him by the Nutritionist. He hated it and every meal was a battlefield. "Do I have to drink that stuff, it's vile!" Niall grumbled as Jacey passed him the fortified milkshakes the Nutritionist has suggested he drink in between meals. He was very slowly gaining weight and looking a lot more healthy but Niall hated not being able to eat and drink what he wanted, when he wanted  it and the small amounts he wanted.

"Yes, you do, you big baby" Jacey said, struggling to keep her patience as Liam laughed. He had experienced Niall's stubborn streak for years and it amused him that Niall had finally met his match. Jacey refused to give in and inevitably won every little battle. She was quite the girl and so right for Niall.

"You drink some then" Niall challenged her. "It's supposed to be chocolate flavored. Chocolate! Ha!" Jacey took a mouthful to appease him.

"OK, you're right. It is vile...but you're still drinking it" She handed the glass back to Niall and stared at him until he started drinking it. She smiled when he placed the empty glass down on the table,moaning about it as he did so.

"Jacey? You  OK?" Liam asked suddenly as all the color bleached out of her face. Jacey pressed her hand to her stomach which had started to do sudden flips.

"Ni, you're right" she murmured" it's made me feel sick" Jacey suddenly took off running to the bathroom and crashed onto the floor in front of the toilet. Her stomach heaved a few times then she was forcibly ejecting the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. Niall knelt behind her, in a state of panic. He didn't know what to do. All he wanted was to make her feel better. He put a gentle arm around her and spoke softly. After a few moments, Jacey sat back on her heels, her forehead shining with sweat.

"You think you've done, now?" Niall asked anxiously and got a confirming nod of the head from Jacey.

"Yes, I feel fine now. You're right. That chocolate shake is disgusting." Jacey said as Niall helped her to her feet.

"I think you ought to come and lay down for a while, just to make sure you're fine" Niall fretted though he could see that the color had come back into Jacey's previous chalk white face. She looked and sounded fine again but Niall continued to cluck around her like a fussy mother hen.

"I'm fine, Niall, really" Jacey said patiently as she lay down on the bed and allowed Niall tocover her up with a blanket. "It was just that milkshake, honestly". But she knew that she'd have to humor Niall. "I'll rest if you will" she bargained, making Liam laugh.

"You snuggle with your lady love, Nialler" Liam teased "and I see you both tomorrow." He waved a careless hand at them and left to return to his own family. . Jacey flipped the blanket aside and crooked a finger at Niall, signalling him to join her. He grinned briefly then got onto the bed next to her, cuddling her carefully.

Jacey woke a few hours later, Niall's soft breath caressing her face. He looked so peaceful as he slept. The stress that was often shown in his face was absent and he looked so young. She carefully brushed his hair off his forehead and studied his face lovingly. She never thought to love again and who would have thought that it would have been Niall Horan who had stolen her heart. She pressed into the warmth of his arms then  just as suddenly, fought to untangle herself from his embrace as her stomach pitched and lurched. She raced to the adjoining bathroom. "D*mn milkshake" she thought as a wave of nausea gripped her."