Stumbling through the dark

Sweet Kiss

"His White Blood Cell count  has dropped and I can't see an apparent reason for it at the moment. I'm at a bit of a loss, to be honest, so thought it best to speak with you" Doctor O'Brian rubbed his forehead as he spoke. "And comparing his discharge weight with his current weight, there has been a loss. It's only three pounds but given he is so underweight at present, that's also a concern. He wasn't very forthcoming when I spoke with him last week, denied anything was wrong but then I subsequently found he was having stomach problems. He says he hasn't been eating much as he isn't hungry. He also admitted to not taking his medication regularly."

"It is certainly a cause for concern. The thing is, it could be anything from a simple  virus, to an infection , to problems with the immune system or the stem cell transplant.Impossible to know without further checks.. I think we need to  get further investigations under way as quickly as possible." Paul spoke thoughtfully as he mentally reviewed all the things that could possibly be wrong.He was very worried but until they knew the exact cause, the cause  remained  just speculation. "When do you see him next?"

"Tomorrow. I'd arranged the appointment purely as a check on how his stomach was but this changes everything. What would you suggest?" Doctor O'Brian asked  the Neurologist.

"I need him here, as soon as possible. I don't want to alarm him but I want to re-admit him. He'll not want that but it's the only way we'll be able to make sure he is looked after properly. He's not a good patient. Can I leave that with you? I'll set things in motion here" Paul spoke decisively.

"I'll do my best but Niall isn't likely to be co-operative. Thanks , Paul. I'll be in touch."

"Look, Niall. It's a precaution. It may be something very simple and hopefully easily put right. But if it is more serious, we need to deal with it as soon as possible." Doctor O'Brian felt his patience being stretched to its limits. Niall was, as predicted, reacting to the news he had to return hospital with his usual stubbornness. "Listen, the sooner you let us sort things out, the sooner you'll be be free of us".

"This was supposed to be sorted. This treatment was supposed to be the cure. So why are things going wrong?" Niall tried not to let the fear seep into his voice but could hear the sound of panic as he spoke. He swallowed convulsively ". What if it hasn't worked?" he whispered, almost to himself.

"Niall, we need to find out. Ignoring it isn't going to help. I understand you're scared and frustrated but pretending nothing is wrong isn't going to help us help you.We can't force you but we do need you to be sensible." O'Brian sat back in his chair, waiting for Niall to think things through. He let out a sigh of relief when Niall finally spoke.

"OK. I'll fly out tomorrow" His voice was very quiet, resigned.

"Good lad" the doctor said. "We'll get it sorted, lad" his voice was gentle, his tone positive. Niall stood up to leave but when he reached the door, he turned and looked at the doctor, a bleak expression on his face.

"What if you can't?" And with that , he was gone.

"Niall?" a soft voice called to him and Niall glanced up  to see Caoimhe looking at him. "You OK?" Niall tried to put a smile on his face as he tried to nod 'yes'  but ended up biting his quivering lip. " Wait  there. I've just finished. Let me get changed and we'll go somewhere and talk. Would that help?" A slight smile flashed across Niall's pale face and he sat down on one of the plastic waiting room chairs. Head bowed, he fidgeted with his fingers whilst he waited for Caoimhe to return. She didn't take long and Niall walked her out, opening the passenger door to his black Range Rover, allowing her to slide in before he got in the drivers side. He gripped the steering  wheel then leant forward resting his head against it. Caoimhe rubbed his up and down his back gently , knowing that Niall needed a few minutes to collect himself." Come on, let's find somewhere quiet and we'll talk" she spoke soothingly. Niall sat up and turned the key in the ignition, heading towards the coast and his favorite 'thinking' spot.

Holding hands, Caoimhe and Niall stood on the cliff, looking out at the rough sea. THe restless, churning water was a fitting accompaniment for his thoughts. Though he tried to push them aside, what if things had gone wrong and the treatment had failed. What then? Was his life going to be messed up once more? He ran his hand through his fluffy hair. Though still shorter than he normally wore it, it was growing back as thick as it had been before the chemotherapy. And, as Liam had observed, it was growing back more blond than brown.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Caoimhe asked, breaking into the prolonged silence.

"I'm just, I dunno, fed up. Seems like everything in my life is one giant problem after another. I'm being stupid, I know, but I can't help it. And now Paul Taylor wants me back in hospital. More tests, no control over my life, more poking and prodding. And for what? For them to tell me the treatment failed? Caoimhs, why?" ( Niall uses the nickname Quesves instead of the normal Qweevah).

"Niall, you don't know it has failed. Even they don't know. It could be anything. You haven't exactly taken the best care of yourself since you were discharged from the hospital. Maybe you just need some extra TCL." A brief smile flitted across Niall's face

"And will you give me the TLC?" he cheekily replied, momentarily diverted from his darker thoughts.

"Well, there is that possibility" Caoimhe said softly.

"Caoimhs...you never answered me, will you be my girlfriend?" Niall was suddenly shy, a wash of pink crossing his face as he looked at her.

"Ni...I don't know. I really, really like you but you're a super star and I'm just a nurse. The fans won't like this you know and I don't think I can deal with the hate" She looked down at her feet, not meeting his eyes.

"Maybe...we can...be friends, then? And see where it takes us?" Niall sounded defeated. He understood, really he did, but he'd hoped.

"Yes, yes we can be friends" and she leant in for a gentle, sweet  kiss. It was meant to be just a gentle peck on the lips but she was lost the moment Niall's arms went around her. They broke apart abruptly, both pink cheeked with embarrassment. "Friends" they spoke in unison , little realising that with that one sweet kiss, they had gone beyond that title.

Niall was hurrying through the airport the next day, snapback pulled low over his eyes as he attempted to keep a low profile. He had managed to avoid all media attention and nobody had found out about his few months in the hospital. Fans thought he was backpacking with friends. He was happy they thought that but really wished that it was his reality. Instead, he was facing another spell in hospital. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and headed out. A teenage girl hurrying in his direction, accidentally bumped  into him and as she apologised she suddenly realised who his was.

"NIALL HORAN!" she shrieked and everyone turned to look. Phones were instantly snapping photographs as Niall stood there, shocked. Fans started to converge on him and he felt himself start to panic. Could it get any worse? He suddenly felt as ill as he undoubted looked. He'd tried so hard to stay under the radar . What did he do now? No bodyguard, no immediate way of escaping. People crowded  around him and he felt his claustrophobia kicking in.

Thank you @Astoundingwonderland for help with Caoimhe's nickname.