Stumbling through the dark

Please, Don't Give Up On Me?

After Niall had..finally..got released from the hospital, life settled down into it's normal routine. All the four men were incredibly busy as their reunion tour had really sparked up an interest with both fans and media , and regular interviews were lined up. The four men were finding it was kind of nice to be doing it all again , but this time the pressure wasn't there, they could actually enjoy the process. They even started talking about an album. No more touring though. They'd had a ball with the reunion but they had families now, other commitments. But making music together again, they all wanted that.

Niall had his head bent over his guitar, playing a few chords and singing, then stopping and scribbling words down. Jacey stood quietly in the doorway, watching him. She loved it when he was relaxed and, seemingly , happier . The side effects from the new treatment he was undergoing had subsided but Niall was, once again, painfully thin and tired easily. It was still a worry, though. It would be some time before they would know if the current treatment was working. Pushing her own worries aside, Jacey walked further into the room, capturing Niall's attention.

"Hey gorgeous" Niall immediately put his guitar down and stood to kiss Jacey. He breathed in her perfume as he held her closely. She felt warm and soft in his arms and, he admitted, just so right. Aoife had been right, he'd never felt this happy for years, and it was a good feeling. How did that child of his become so wise, so knowing? His heart still hurt when he thought of Caoimhe but it was lessening. Caoimhe would always be his first love but, as Aoife always said, the heart never runs out of love , so he had the ability to love others without diminishing what he felt for his beloved Caoimhe. He had that ability but the question he was now asking himself was should he?

"You're warm, sweetheart. How do you feel?" Jacey couldn't help her medical side surfacing despite having handed over Niall's care to Graeham, the doctor that Management assigned to One Direction when they reformed.

"Jacey" Niall immediately whined "just be my girlfriend , yeah and leave the medical cr*p out of it"

"Sorry, I worry" Jacey responded sheepishly.

"Well don't. Im fine. I'd say if I wasn't" Niall grumbled. Jacey groaned inwardly. No, Niall wouldn't say. That's what made her so protective. But now wasn't the time to push. It only made Niall back off and she wasn't prepared to risk that. She'd just keep a quiet eye on him and keep  her thoughts to herself. She may not be his doctor anymore but she had direct access to Graeham.

"It's beautiful out. You should be out in the fresh air , not holed up in this stuffy room, working" She chided gently. "let's do something, just the pair of us. We could play some golf" she suggested making Niall roll his eyes.

"Angel, you can't hit a barn door at three paces using a football , never mind a little golf ball" Niall scoffed lovingly, making Jacey grin.

"Ok, you pick" She responded and Niall frowned in thought. What did he feel like doing? He was tired, too tired for physical activity but he didn't want Jacey to know. Mmmh. Tough one.

"How about a drive? We can take a picnic." He raised an eyebrow in question and , to his relief, Jacey immediately agreed. He'd managed to get keep how he was feeling from her, he thought. He sat back on the couch and closed his eyes as Jacey headed off to the kitchen to throw a picnic together. Why was he so exhausted? He'd not done anything physical today. Still, at least Jacey hadn't noticed. That was relief. She'd have had him in bed and called Graeham if she had guessed and he wasn't having that. He just wanted to be normal, to be left alone.

Jacey peeked into the room and saw Niall had fallen asleep. She went back into the kitchen and out of the door into the garden, her phone ready in her hand. Oh he was cute and he was crafty, but she had Niall's measure. He thought he'd covered it up well, but the slightly raised temperature, the tiredness, were ringing alarm bells. Time to speak to Graeham.

"Niall, wakey, wakey" Jacey shook NIall's shoulder gently and waited for him to slowly surface from his nap. "You ready to go?" Niall grinned at her and stood slowly, reaching into his pocket for the car keys which he tossed to her.

"You can drive" Niall aimed to sound casual. "I fancy being treated like royalty"

"You're Royalty , all right" Jacey said cheekily. "A right royal pain in the bum". She picked up the picnic hamper and led the way out, Niall following slowly, ignoring the slightly dizzy sensation, glad Jacey couldn't see his face.

"It's beautiful here" Jacey said as she looked out over the water. "So peaceful"

"Yeah, I come here when I need a bit of peace. When I need to ground myself. It's not Ireland but it helps. When I'm home I have this place I love,  on the cliffs , not that far from home. It's always been my, sanctuary, I suppose you'd call it. It's my thinking place, somewhere that I am just Niall." Niall lay back looking up at the fluffy clouds as he spoke.

"It sounds very special. Will you ever take me there or is it...too...special?" Jacey was hesitant. Niall had allowed her to get closer to him lately but he still had that inner bubble she never could break through. It was Caoimhe, she thought sadly. Niall loved her too deeply to let go. She understood, of course she did, but she had fallen in love with this man and it hurt her to feel she was always being kept an arms length away.

"Maybe...one day..yeah " Niall said quietly, surprising Jacey. It wasn't a yes but it wasn't a no. It seemed like a brush off, somehow. "It's hard" Niall continued "but I'm trying, Jacey. Please, don't give up on me?"

"Never Ni, never" Jacey cuddled up to Niall and kissed his temple gently.They both stared up at the clouds in silence. Niall's thoughts had gone to his beloved place in Ireland and Jacey's place in his life while Jacey pondered her feelings for the sweet man next to her. It was hard to compete with another woman but even harder when that other woman was dead.