Stumbling through the dark

Your Hand Fits In Mine Like It's Made Just For Me.

"Keep talking Payno, I need a wee" Louis called out as he wandered off the stage. He was just coming back from his restroom break when he spotted Bobby Horan and hurried over to find out why he was there. Bobby spoke  quickly and Louis' face went blank. He nodded then headed back on stage where he sidled up to Harry and whispered quietly in his ear. Moments later he did the same with Liam. Niall saw the whispered conversations and wondered what tomfoolery Louis was planning.  He'd have to watch his back, he thought as he waved to a group of girls shouting his name and waving the Irish flag. Niall noticed Liam, Louis and Harry shooting him odd looks from time to time but then he got engrossed in performing and didn't give too much thought to their facial expressions.He hoped they weren't planning anything too wild. He was too tired to want to deal with Louis' pranks.

"You're very touchy,  huggie today , Lou"  Niall said as Louis appeared beside him yet again and flung an arm over his shoulder, pulling Niall into a sideways hug. Louis had been coming over at random moments and rubbing Niall's back or hugging him. Harry and Liam had also been patting him as they passed him. The lads had always been very tactile with  each other, but today it seemed like none of them wanted to stray too far from Niall. Every time he'd wandered off  and was standing alone, one or other of the boys would magically appear beside him, not speaking to him, but touching him gently. Niall was getting suspicious. They must be up to something, surely. Or maybe he was just imagining things? After all, hadn't he thought he'd seen his dad standing backstage. That itself was utterly ridiculous. Bobby would never come to any concerts that weren't in either Ireland or the UK. Niall rubbed his hand quickly over his face feeling  suddenly utterly  exhausted. A few more songs and they'd be done. All he wanted now was a hot shower , a burger, some beer then sleep.

"Thank you for sharing this evening with us.. We've been One Direction" Harry called out. With a final wave to all the fans the boys left the stage. Harry, Liam and Louis stayed close to Niall which had him wondering what they were up to . They were acting so weird, like they were afraid to leave him alone.  He put his guitar carefully in its case then  turned around, only to stop in confusion.

"Da, what are you doing here? I thought I'd imagined seeing you earlier". Niall went to give his dad a hug which Bobby returned but there was no smile on his face. Niall frowned as he took in his fathers sombre expression and red rimmed eyes. "Da?" he asked, his voice laced with anxiety "Da, what's wrong? What's happened?" Niall's voice started to sound panicky.

"Ni, there been an accident. Your Ma and Caoimhe" Bobby said quietly as some tears leaked from his eyes.

"Caoimhe, Ma...the baby! Are they OK? Tell me!  What happened ?" Niall voice raised in evident panic.

"They had gone shopping and their car got hit by a drunk driver. Your Ma is OK but...but .... Caoimhe's side took the full impact. Ni, Management have a plane standing by. She needs you.  "

"NO! NO!" Niall screamed like a wounded animal then collapsed. Liam caught him, sinking down onto the floor with Niall cradled in his strong arms. It was as if  time had stood still.Niall's face was pale but totally expressionless. It was like he was made from wax. Harry and Louis helped Liam stand, still holding Niall and they took him out to the waiting van. Everyone climbed in and they were driven straight to the airport where a private plane was already to take off for Ireland. Niall sat, totally silent through the entire flight. He stared straight ahead, lost in his own private h*ll.

Niall entered the ICU where Caoimhe was being cared for. He stood by her bed, holding her tiny hand in his own small one, looking down at her pale, still face. He gently stroked her baby bump  with his other hand .She was hooked up to so many machines that beeped and clicked. He was terrified. His Caoimhe...why?

"Mr Horan?" Niall turned at the sound of his name and looked at the middle aged doctor who had addressed him.

"Yeah, how is my wife? And the baby? Have we lost our baby?" Niall whispered, barely daring to breath as he waited for the answer.

"The baby is fine. We have her monitored. Your wife,...Mr Horan...this isn't going to be easy for you but she is only being kept alive by machines. The damage the accident caused was  too severe. I'm sorry, but our tests have shown no brain activity"

"NO!" Niall screamed. "No, that's not true. She'll be OK. She has to be OK. We going to be parents.she can't die. You're lying". Bobby moved forward and wrapped his arms around his petrified son who cried and trembled in his arms. "My Caoimhe..she can't die" Niall whispered brokenly.

"Niall, I'm truly sorry. We've done all we can for her but  I'm afraid there is no hope. I wish I could tell you differently,  but I can't.  We'll try to keep her on the machines for as long as possible to give the baby as much of a chance as we can. We'll deliver the baby by caesarean. Then you'll be given the chance to say goodbye to Caoimhe." The doctor placed a compassionate hand on Niall's shoulder. It was times like this he hated his job.

Niall spent the next week sat by Caoimhe's bed, talking gently to her, singing softly. He refused to belief what the doctors were telling him. She'd be fine, she'd recover. This wasn't the end. They had the baby to raise. They'd do it together. Caoimhe would prove the doctors wrong. She had to, she just had to. They had made so many plans for the future.....

"Niall, we have to deliver the baby today. The baby's heart rate is falling and it's not safe to leave it any longer" The doctor explained to Niall who just looked at him blankly, not taking in what was being said to him. The nurses started to prepare everything and Caoimhe was taken to the theater for the operation that would hopefully save the baby. Niall remained in her temporarily abandoned room, staring at the wall, unmoving. 

"Niall, you have a beautiful baby daughter. She's been taken to receive special care as she's premature and her lungs need a little help but she's doing well. Would you like to see her?" the nurse asked gently. 

"No, not yet. I want to wait until Caoimhe can see her. I want her to see our daughter" Niall said quietly. The nurse bit her lip, her heart breaking for this young couple who should have had a wonderful future together.

"They'll bring Caomhe back shortly then the doctor will talk with you, to  explain things" She left Niall staring down at his hands, shaking her head as she went. Life was cruel sometimes.

"No, I don't want the machines switched off. Caoimhe has to get better. She will get better" Niall shouted at the doctor.

"Niall, that isn't going to happen, I'm sorry. You need to let Caoimhe go." Bobby pulled Niall into a hug and let his youngest son cry on his shoulder.If he could change places with his daughter-in-law, he'd do it in a heartbeat. His own tears flowed down his face into his sons blond hair. Niall had been through so much and now this. He hugged Niall closer.

Two nurses very gently moved Caomhe's body more to the side of the bed as another nurse came in holding the baby wrapped up in a soft pink blanket. She handed her to Niall who walked over to the bed and tucked the baby into Caoimhe's unresponsive arms, moving  them so the baby was safely held. He then carefully got onto the bed and , wrapping his arms around both his wife and baby, snuggled into Caoimhe's body. The nurses quietly left the room, barely holding onto their own composure as they left the little family alone. Niall whispered to Caoimhe just how much he loved her and their beautiful little daughter. The baby stirred a little fretfully and Niall sang softly to calm her

"Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me..........." The baby fell asleep, lulled by her daddy's angelic voice and the room grew quiet. The stress of the past week or so took it's toll and Niall drifted to sleep. The soft beep of the heart monitor got slower and slower until it beeped no more.The silence stretched out.