Stumbling through the dark

"Niall, Bro?"

Niall drove around for hours. If you asked him where he'd been, he'd have been unable to say. Only part of his mind had really been on his driving. It was only as darkness fell and he was struggling to see properly,that he turned the car back towards his home. The lights were on when he finally pulled up into his driveway signifying that his cousin was home. Niall sat there trying to control his emotions before slowly getting out of the car and letting himself into his hallway. He threw his keys into the bowl on the hall table. Little things, all normal things but there was possibly never going to be normal again. He sighed quietly and pinning a smile on his face, when to say hello to Willie.

"Ni, where have you been? I've had Harry phoning me every five minutes because he hasn't been able to reach you.. Harry said your phone was turned off. He's been worried."

"Battery died, I must have forgot to charge it. I'll give him a call in a bit."

"But you've been gone hours, Ni"

"I met a friend, lost track of time" Niall lied quickly. He just hoped Willie would take it at face value as he wasn't good at lying.

"OK" Willie replied but something about Niall's demeanour didn't fit in with someone who had just spent time with a friend. Niall was smiling but his eyes were dead. Tired maybe?  Willie wondered. After all, he'd only just finished a gruelling eight month tour. That must be it, he was tired. Niall then seemed to confirm it by saying that he was heading to bed as he was exhausted and that he'd see Willie in the morning. With a casual wave of his hand, Niall went slowly upstairs to his bedroom.

After showering, Niall propped himself up against his headboard and powered up his laptop. He started to search the internet for everything he could find on Multiple sclerosis. Hour after hour , he scrolled through information, getting more and more panicked as he read. Finally he pushed his laptop aside and dropped his head into his hands.  He didn't know how he was going to deal with this. He wished now that he hadn't  researched it. All his mind could focus on was the worst things that could happen. What was he going tell his family? The lads?   Silent tears slid from under his closed eyelids and coursed down his face.

The darkness and the silence seemed to mock him as sleep eluded him. It made him feel trapped in a nightmare except in this particular dream, he was wide awake. He wanted someone to be with him but he could hardly call any of the band. They'd not want to be woken up at silly o'clock in the morning. No, they probably wouldn't mind. Niall knew they'd  be supportive but he just couldn't do it. He picked up his phone and stared at it before throwing it down again. He started pacing around the room then suddenly made up his mind. He picked up his phone and scrolled through his contacts until he found the name of someone who he'd not spoken to in  months. He hesitated, biting his lip, then pressed call. It only rang four times before it was answered. "Zayn" Niall whispered.

"Niall?"  Zayn's thick Bradford accent sounded through the phone. Niall breathed out in relief but couldn't bring himself to speak.

"Niall,bro?"

"Yeah Zayn, it's me. Look, I'm sorry I rang you, I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, I'll just............"  and Niall broke down sobbing then abruptly  ended the call. Still holding tightly to his phone, Niall curled up on his bed, into a  tight ball and cried until exhaustion took over and  he fell asleep. Zayn kept trying but his calls remained unanswered.  He sat back and lost himself in thought for  some time before making a decision he never thought he'd  make. He placed his call.

Louis' phone kept buzzing. He was tired and ignored it but whoever it was just wasn't giving up. He groaned as he sat up and looked at the time. Who the fck was calling him at  3:20am. His phone buzzed yet again and he looked at the caller ID. Why  the fck was 'he' calling ? Louis answered, his face like thunder..

"Just what the fck are you doing calling me? Wanting to come back? Well, it's too late , mate" Louis shouted .

"Lou, no. Shut up and listen. This is important" Zayn pleaded with him. "it's Niall"

"What  do you mean, it's Niall" Louis snapped. He was tired, he'd been woken up and Zayn was the last person he wanted to exchange niceties with.

"Bro listen. I had a call from Niall . He acted really strange, said sorry for calling me , said he shouldn't then he just broke down crying. Full on crying, bro. Then he hung up on me. I've been trying and trying to call him back but he's not answering. I just want to know if he's ok. Look, forget it. I'm sorry I called" Zayn ended the call abruptly. He'd done the best he could . It probably should have been Liam he called but somehow it seemed more natural to ring Louis. Zayn shook his head sadly. They used to be so close and now.......those wounds were going to take a long time to heal, that is, if they ever did.

Louis stared up at his bedroom ceiling. Why would Niall ring Zayn? Was he drunk and just suddenly missing him. They had been quite close and Zayn was very protective over his younger bandmate. But Niall was a happy drunk, loud and boisterous,not tearful and emotional. Something about Niall calling Zayn seemed wrong. Niall had been quite badly affected by Zayn's absence from the band but he'd adjusted. They all had. Louis' was the one who had found it the hardest, he still did. And hearing Zayn's voice tonight reminded him just how badly he still missed the Bradford boy. So why had Niall placed that call then ignored Zayn when he had called back?  It just didn't make any sense at all.

It was no good, Louis threw the bedcovers aside and got up and headed to the shower. He was wide awake now and his brain wasn't going to shut up and let him sleep. The more he thought about it, the more he realised what it must have cost Zayn to phone him. And as Zayn had made that call, then he must have been sufficiently worried about Niall to brave talking to Louis knowing the reception he was liable to get. He stood under the cascading water  lost in his thoughts until the water rang cold and brought him back to earth. After towelling himself dry and dressing, Louis bounded downstairs. Time to place a few early phone calls of his own.