Stumbling through the dark

Don't You Recognise Me?

"Daddy , you gotta let go!" Aoife yelled as she peddled furiously. She was determined she could ride her little bike without training wheels. Niall had reluctantly removed them and now he had a death grip on the back of the the bike, determined his little angel wasn't going to fall and hurt herself. Eventually he let go and stopped running and Aoife peddled on "Daddy, daddy, look at me. I'm riding alone" she shrieked with delight. "I'm a big girl!" Niall laughingly agreed with her. Where had the last four years gone? His little baby , though still physically tiny, was growing up and getting more independent by the day. He watched her as she rode her little bike around in circles in the back yard of their Mullingar home.

Having tired of riding her bike under Niall's watchful eye, Aoife finally agreed to come in and take a nap while Niall got on with some work. It was the pinging sound from his laptop announcing a Skype call that broke into his concentration. Louis' face popped up on the screen, smiling broadly .

"Nialler, mate, what's the craic?" Louis asked cheerfully.

"Nothing exciting. Aoife can ride her bike without the trainer wheels now and she tells me she's too big for me to help her dress. I'm obsolete!" Niall joked.

"Ni, mate, you need to get out more. Have you thought about what we discussed last time?" Louis asked tentatively. Niall had been very defensive last time Louis had mentioned that he, Niall, should be out dating.

"Nah, Aoife's all the female company I need" Niall said hoping Louis wouldn't push the point.

"Mate, Aoife's four years old. Do you honestly think Caoimhe would want you to be alone for the rest of your days. I know Aoife is your world but there is room others. Mate, you gotta let go". Niall just made a non committal sound and Louis gave up. Niall was stubborn and he wasn't going to change.

"Daddy, you gotta let go. Mate, you gotta let go" The phrases ran round and round in Niall's head. Aoifes voice and Louis' in an endless loop. "You gotta let go". Niall sighed and pushed the bed covers to one side as he got out of bed. He padded quietly into Aoife's room and stood gazing down at his little girl, her blond hair splayed over the pillow and her thumb in her mouth. He gently pulled it out and watched as it crept back to her mouth. He smiled as the sweetness of her. "You gotta let go" this time he could have sworn it was Caoimhe's voice he heard. "You gotta let go". Tucking the covers up over his daughter, Niall left the room and wandered down stairs where he poured himself a drink. Cradling the tumbler of whisky in his hands, he sat on his couch staring across the room at the photograph of himself with Caoimhe on their wedding day, a slow tear trickling down his cheek. Maybe Louis was right and he did need to let go but it was so hard. So hard.

Niall opened his eyes  feeling groggy and disorientated. He was still on the couch and Aoife was sitting straddled on his lap, patting his cheeks with her tiny little hands. "Wake up, Daddy. You promised we'd go to the park. I'm all dressed ready". Niall looked at her. She was dressed as she had said. She looked adorable. Her little dress was on back to front, her shoes on the wrong feet and she had tried to put her hair into it's customary ponytail but most of her thick blond hair had already escaped.

"So I see" Niall said , grinning "but I think you need a little help getting sorted out properly. And what about breakfast? You have to eat". Aoife frowned.

"But I want to go now, Daddy" she whined.

"Aoife Maebh Horan " Niall said in a warning tone. Aoife knew that when daddy used her full name then she'd better listen. Her daddy was the nicest, sweetest daddy in the world but she knew not to argue with him.

"OK, Daddy" She sighed dramatically but followed him into the kitchen. 

Niall got Aoife's  cereal ready for her then, kissing the top of her head, went upstairs to dress himself. He groaned when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He really ought to eat more. He worked out regularly but since Caoimhe had passed away, he had lost interest in food and often skipped meals. Life just wasn't the same. And Louis kept on at him about dating. Liam and Harry did too , but not as much as Louis. He's a great mate, Niall thought, but I wish he'd give it a miss. He picked up his keys and wallet and headed downstairs. A few quick adjustments to Aoife's clothing and they headed out of the door.

"Daddy, skip with me" Aoife begged as she bounced along beside Niall, holding his hand tightly.

"No pumpkin, you show me how you can skip" Niall smiled down at her. Aoife needed no second bidding and skipped ahead of him with Niall following behind, smiling at his tiny daughter's exuberance. He gasped as he saw her catch her foot and scrambled quickly to try and grab her to prevent her falling but he wasn't quick enough.

"Oh, you poor lamb" a young lady who was just in front of the fallen child rushed to comfort her. "Oh you've scrapped your knee. Don't cry, I can help your... daddy?.... make it better"  she said in a questioning tone as she pulled out some bandaids and an antes peptic wipe out of her purse and handed them to Niall who swiftly dealt with the scrapped knee then pulled Aoife in for a reassuring cuddle.

"Thank you" he smiled at the pretty woman "That's very kind of you. "

"Oh you're most welcome. We can't have your little one bleeding everywhere. Is it your daughter? She's beautiful"

"Yeah, she is. Her name is Aoife. I'm Ni.........

"Niall? Is that really you? Don't you recognise me?

"I....Niall's face suddenly registered recognition. "Holly?"