Stumbling through the dark

"Look, I'm coming back."

As Harry stared off into space, his face completely blank, Liam  pulled Louis into a hug and let him release the emotions he had held in whilst he had been with Niall. Louis  had been so  strong for Niall, knowing that it was what was needed ,but now  Niall was upstairs, Louis let the flood gates open and  tears filled  his eyes. Eventually he regained control and the others were able to ask what had happened at Niall's appointment.

"How did he take it?" Harry suddenly broke the  silence. "It's definite, isn't it? Harry's voice sounded somehow hollow, almost like it was an echo of the real Harry.

" Yes, it's definite" Louis confirmed ." He's not spoken, not a word the whole journey home, just silence. I tried to talk but it was horrible. I could see Niall in the seat right next to me but it was only  his body, no Niall." Louis took a deep breath before continuing. " It's like he'd already given up  and gone somewhere but I don't know where. I'm scared. I don't know what to do."

"He's bound to be in shock, mate. He'll need time to think about it. There's treatment he can have, isn't there?" Liam attempted to inject a positive note into the situation. " What did the doctor say about that?"

"He said there was medication and he also suggested therapy, that Niall should talk to the Clinical Psychologist about the diagnosis and stuff. He's sending appointments" Louis said before going on to tell the others about the entire situation.

"One of us can go with him, each time" Harry commented "Between the three of us, we can do that"

"Zayn!" Louis suddenly said his name " Should we tell him? Or do we ask Niall if he wants to tell Zayn?" The others stared at him in astonishment. "What? Louis stared back at them. "Look, it was Zayn that Niall first called and anyway, it was Zayn that rang me to tell me he was worried about Ni. I think we should tell him, even if we go behind Niall's back. I say we contact him."

"Mate, do you think that's wise?" Harry sounded worried " After all, it's the only real contact we've had from him since he left the band, apart from the,... well, you know" Harry was reluctant to mention the twitter fight Louis and Zayn had  several months earlier. And , well, I just don't know".

"Hazza, you know how protective Zee always was over Niall. It was like Niall was his baby brother. I think he should know. He must have been really concerned to even make that call to me. We didn't exactly part on the best of terms ". Liam and Harry exchanged looks then both nodded in assent. "OK, leave it to me" Louis said before moving onto the next concern on his mind. " Willie left for his vacation today. He's away for a month so I don't think Ni should be alone. The thing is, what's best? Do we ask Niall  to stay with one of us or should one or more of us stay here with him? "

"Boo, we can't just take over like that. We have to find out what Niall wants. He might need time alone. Maybe he'll want to be with his family. He'll have to tell them" Harry spoke reasonably.

"No"  Niall stood in the doorway "I'm not telling my family. And I'm not going home. Not yet"

"Ni, you have to tell your family, bro. They need to know. You can't hide something as serious as this" Harry's voice was gentle.

"I said no" Niall's voice was sharp. "I don't want to tell them yet. Just leave it alone"

"Chill, bro. OK, we understand, but they ready do  need to know, Ni. You can't keep it from them" Liam  added .

"I know, I know. But not just yet. I need to deal with this first. And I don't know I can deal with it.Just, just leave it" Niall turned away and grabbed the TV remote , turning the TV on to a football match. "Louis, looks like  'Donny' are playing" . The three other men looked at each other. It was very plain that Niall had no intention of continuing the conversation so they let it drop and settled in to watch the game. Though Louis' eyes were on the screen, his thoughts were concentrated in another direction...his planned phone call to Zayn.

The game over, Harry and Liam said their goodbyes and left  . Louis hung back. "Ni, want me to stay tonight? " 

"Thanks Lou but I'll be fine. I just want time to myself. I gotta lot to think about and I just need alone time. I'll call you in the morning" Niall sounded both tired and dispirited as he answered. " I appreciate it but....."

"I understand. Just promise me you'll call if you need someone. I'll come straight away, never mind what the time. "

"Yeah, thanks Louis" Niall smiled at Louis and it broke his bandmate's heart to see that though Niall's lips were curled in his usual sweet smile , it didn't reach his eyes.. His normally bright blue  looked grey and bleak.

"Promise?" 

"Yes, I promise" Niall walked Louis to the door , hugged him  then waited and waved as Louis drove away. Switching off the TV then all the lights, Niall said down in the dark room , finally alone with his thoughts.

Louis brewed himself some strong coffee. He was really tired but he needed to stay alert. He checked the time regularly, willing the hands of the clock to move quicker . As soon at the hands reach 2am, he picked up his phone, found the  number he needed and called. The phone rang and rang but there was no answer. Louis threw the phone back down on the couch.He rubbed his hands over the stubble on his face then yawned, heading towards the kitchen to make more coffee. The coffee had barely finished brewing when he heard "how to save a life" , his ring tone. He raced back into his sitting room and grabbed the phone, checking the caller ID.

"Zee?"

"Bro, you called me?" Zayn's sounded strained. He was nervous about talking with Louis, given their last conversation had not gone too well'

"Yeah. Look, I'm sorry about the last time. OK. " Louis said wanting to get the apology in quickly in case Zayn hung up on him

"What do you want?" was the harsh response.

"It's about Niall. Look , it's serious" Louis ignored Zayn's tone. After all, he'd been the one to use it to Zayn during their last conversation. 

"Is he alright?" was the worried sounding response. "What's wrong? Tell me"

"No, he isn't doing good. Zee, he's just been told he has Multiple Sclerosis. He's devastated and we are worried about him. Look, if you hadn't called me, we'd not  ......" Louis' voice choked up so Zayn waited patiently for his former bandmate to calm down enough to continue. "He won't talk to us about it, won't tell his family. It's like he's ...I don't know Zee. What if he does something stupid?"

"Lou, it will be Ok, it has to be.Maybe he just needs time to think . He'll be  fine, he has to be" Zayn tried to sound confident but, like Louis, he was deeply worried. Niall was the cheerful one, the one who brushed problems aside with a smile. Niall has a real zest for life, a  broken Niall  didn't seem right. What if he never came to terms with this?  Zayn's heart filled with dread. Multiple Scleroris...MS. He knew only too well what Niall might be facing. He had watched one of his aunties live with this disease until it claimed her. What if they lost Nialler? His baby brother? No! His heart clenched within his chest.

"Zayn, you still there?" Louis' voice echoed over the line.

"Yeah bro, I'm still here" Zayn could barely recognise his own voice. It sounded as dull and hopeless as he felt. "Look, I'm coming back. As soon as I can get a flight. I'm coming" He made his mind up on the spot. He had to be there for Niall. And for the others. They were all his brothers.

"Just give me your flight info when you have it. One of us will meet you at the airport" Louis' radiated relief. " Thanks, Zee" He terminated the call then went back to the kitchen to turn off the coffee pot. Sleep was what he needed. He had just finished showering and gone into the bedroom to sleep when his phone buzzed with an incoming text, Zayn's flight details. He'd be back in the UK within the next 24 hours. Louis noted down the information  then climbed into bed and was asleep in moments.